Little Miss Potions
by Rainbow Raver Waffles
Summary: Lauren wants nothing more than to be successful in potions but her first year has a rather...explosive start. As the years pass can a certain Potions Professor help her get better? And can she add a little sunshine to his life and the lives of others? AU-ish since it diverges from cannon at around chapter six. Mostly happy endings!
1. Little Miss Disaster

**Hello all~ Um, this is just a little fic I started a few days ago as writing practice. It was only supposed to be this one chapter but I'm up to four now and have them planned through to eight so I figured, why not share it? It's a SnapeXOC fic if you couldn't tell but it'll be a pretty gradual thing, especially since my OC starts out in her first year. **

**Each chapter up till four is going to be a part of a year, just a moment, and then once we get to five some years might have two chapters instead of one.**

**Sorry if Lauren gets a little weepy sometimes. Just keep in mind within these first few chapters that she's a small child in a new place, far from home. Being a touch highstrung is understandable right? Right. Anyway, read on if you're still interested and enjoy! =3**

**Disclaimer: (Forgot about this XD) Only things I own here are Lauren and my idea for the plot. Everything else is property of its respective owners, mostly the wonderful J.K. Rowling unless otherwise stated.  
**

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Chapter 1 – Little Miss Disaster

Severus Snape found himself somewhat distracted as of late. It was only the beginning of the year but that boy, Harry Potter, was flouncing about the school now, taking his class now, and it made his blood boil and his heart ache.

The distraction was rather bad, on a personal level he knew he was performing well below par, but the first years, and even up to the seventh years didn't know how truly shaken his was.

The first years of Ravenclaw and Huffelpuff house were starting to guess though.

They were the batch unfortunate enough to tail the class of rowdy Gryffindor's and Slytherin's and tended to receive the run off of his temper. It wasn't so bad, except for the extra yelling, and the added shortness of his temper, and all the sarcastic, depreciating comments… It sucked.

Nervously the children shuffled in their seats, waiting for class to begin.

Near the front of the class a small girl sat, looking up at him with curious green eyes. Unlike the rest she did not keep her gaze down, she watched him through spectacles he thought too thick for a child of her age with something he thought was two parts wonder two parts fear.

She hadn't spoken a word in his class so far but when he asked a question her hand would twitch. He always opted to call on the less attentive students sitting in the back but today there would be no questions or lecture. Today they would be brewing their first potion.

He wanted to see how this mousy little thing, Lauren Dari her name was if he recalled, would do. She had at least passed the first quiz which was more than he could say for many of her peers. For a moment he met her eyes, checking her resolve. She did not look away but lowered her shoulders and gave him a sheepish smile.

Odd reaction. The fluffy bangs of her shaggy, dark brown hair dipped into the frame of the glasses and hid away that attentive gaze before they were brushed away by a light brown hand. Her smile brightened just a touch when she met his eyes again and he looked slowly away. He did not practice Legimancy on his students normally but for a moment he had considered. What was she thinking?

Everyone settled he launched right into his instruction, writing the process on the board as he told them rather shortly what to do and what was expected. His commentary was brief and punctuated with the final instruction of "no talking," that these students took to heart.

A dull silence filled the room and he made slow rounds, peering over shoulders with a stony face.

As he made the circle around the back a gasp then startled cry came from the front of the room, followed by the sound of a chair scraping against the dungeon floor and clattering to the ground.

He turned quickly, robes bellowing around him at the motion and then flaring as he stalked quickly to the center of the commotion.

Lauren cried softly as her hand stung from the burn the bubbling potion had splashed on her and tried her best to shuffle away from the still bubbling over cauldron on her desk. The girl beside her, a starry eyed child named Luna Lovegood, was also out of her seat but watching things with a calm face.

"What in the-" Snape grumbled as he regarded her and the mess. He quickly spelled away the potion and then seized the crying child by her arm to assess the wound.

She needed to see Madam Pomfrey.

A deeper scowl obscured his features as he regarded the rest of the class. "Behave yourselves" he said severely, yanking her along, out of the room.

"Imbecilic girl" he growled when they were a good ways down the hall, leaving the dungeons. "What did you do?"

She sniffled. "I-I dunno. I-I'm sorry Professor, I'm sorry."

She was practically groveling and he pulled her along in a way the shook her, almost made her lose her footing, and also put a stop to that. It was the perfect gesture to show his complete contempt for the situation.

They were stopped on a flight of stairs and he glared down at her for added affect. He had had some small bit of hope for the girl but that was gone now. She was just as hopeless as the rest of them, and just as frail as more tears welled up at the sight of his angered gaze.

She didn't look away though, again. Her eyes met his as she cried and she whimpered another pathetic "I'm sorry."

And she was. Lauren had never felt so bad about something in her life, that she could remember any way and she cried harder as he jostled her again in their continued walk.

The sight of the kindly, and very shocked nurse filled her with relief and she let herself be taken and cared for, blocking out the conversation as the teachers talked.

Professor Snape left a few minutes after that and her tears ebbed away while her hand was treated for the new boils and burns she'd acquired. She was allowed to stay till the end of the period and spent that time on one of the cots. She lay there, thinking about how terribly she'd just messed up. She'd wanted so badly to do well in potions and now…

A few more tears fell free from the eleven year olds eyes and she rolled on to her side. How could she fix this?

Back in the class room Severus collected her things to be sent to her next class. As he returned to his desk he went to make a failing mark beside her name for the day, stopping when he took note of what was written in her note book. It was a bizarrely comprehensive note on the properties of each ingredient and things that might be substituted for it along with a few reasons why. Things like:

_Dried nettles as opposed to fresh nettles. _

_ Pros – Cheaper, smaller likelihood of self-harm _

_ Cons - Less potent, far less potent_

_ Tube worms as substitute for Horn slugs? Bad idea. Might be unstable._

He glowered at the notes. Had she written these? No one else could have, no one else would have in that obnoxiously bright neon purple ink.

This was… interesting. He put down a mark, barely passing, and when class ended handed her things over to Miss. Lovegood. He would remember this.

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**What did you think? Good, bad, indifferent? Maybe a little fast? I think it might be a little fast but then again it was just writing practice to start with. XD Sorry if you didn't enjoy it. Feel free to tell me why and give some tips on how to get better~ And if you did enjoy it, well I'm very glad and I hope you'll read on to the next chapter when it's up. **


	2. Little Miss Dissapointment

**Chapter 2! Year 2. Snape's patience has always been a little thin. Amazing he gave her a year and half isn't it? XD  
**

**Also amazing, there's two people following this story already. Thankies to PandaWong and SandyLovesKittens. Hope you don't mind the shout out, and if you do just let me know and I'll remove it. =3 Thought I'd say thanks though. Anyway, enjoy everyone!  
**

******Disclaimer: Only things I own here are Lauren and my idea for the plot. Everything else is property of its respective owners, mostly the wonderful J.K. Rowling unless otherwise stated.**

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Chapter 2- Little Miss Disappointment

Lauren had not gotten any better with her potion brewing through the course of her first year. Things still exploded, boiled over, burned, and generally failed when she put ingredients to the cauldron.

Now, in the middle of her second year, Severus found his already stretched patience wearing thin. Today he was sure would end in the same way as every other class did for her. Perhaps it would be devoid of a trip to see Madam Pomfrey though, as she'd gotten good at dodging the splash back and runoff from her failures.

The class worked in silence and he was just waiting for it to break, waiting for that sound, that affirming sound.

"A-Ah!"

There it was, that shrill little gasp that grated on his nerves, the sound of her chair scraping against the stone floor as she pushed back quickly from the table. There was no additional noise so she'd not injured herself, but he couldn't say he much cared.

"Another failure Ms. Dari?" he asked in casual contempt, sliding up from his seat. He was soon in front of her, towering over her small form as he spelled away the mess as he did _every_ time something like this happened.

He ought to let her clean her own messes. If she was as wonderful at Charms as Flitwick raved she should have no problem with this. Next time. Next time he would leave this for her. Maybe then she could do something right.

"A sure disappointment" he said. "Sit down, open your book, and take further notes on the properties and uses of this potion and its ingredients. I will speak with you after class."

His eyes met hers, onyx to ivy and as per usual she held his gaze and gave a nod. In the sea of green he could see transparent tears starting to gather, brimming there. She did not usually cry when he reprimanded her, usually only when she injured herself. Perhaps the prospect of punishment for this last botched potion frightened her?

Good, she needed a good scaring in his opinion. She was too self-sure and a part of him wanted to see her conform to the coward that the rest of his students were. Even the bravest bowed to him, looked away, but she had yet to do so. Why?

She kept his gaze as she sat and pulled in her chair. "Yes professor" she spoke, in a small and wavering voice.

He turned to his desk and left her to her notes.

As his back turned she felt a few tears slip and rubbed furiously at her face, hoping they would stop and go unnoticed by him.

"Stupid… stupid" she muttered softly, flipping her book open violently. She was used to the extra notes but, after class…

Her heart jumped into her throat while her stomach dropped to her toes and she felt more tears try to bubble up.

No. Nope, no, not at all she was not going to cry, no! She put a stopper on her feelings as best she could, taking a deep breath, and dove into her writing. There wasn't much she could take notes on that she didn't have down already but she didn't want to get into extra trouble for just sitting around.

She was just thankful that it kept her distracted till the bell rang and everyone else packed up.

She did too, much more slowly, and then stood with shaky hands and jelly legs. The short walk from her front row seat to his desk felt like an eternity and he sat there waiting for her with a scowl fit to scare a gargoyle back to stone.

His hands were folded and resting on the top of his neatly organized desk, his eyes cold but for a spark of hot annoyance.

She met those eyes and felt her shakes intensify. Always look a person in the eyes when speaking. That was a rule the Dari's as a family held close and she worked not to break it but, but he…

"Do you plan to continue in this way Ms. Dari?" he asked, voice surprisingly level, as it always was.

"W-What?" the question caught her off guard and she stuttered a question in return.

He stood abruptly, towering over her again. "Do you plan to continue in this way, botching potions, wasting ingredients, wasting my time, being a disruption? Do your follies know no end? I have tried to be gracious Ms. Dari. You test well and write decent papers so I have tried to spare you, to see if you would improve but you are going nowhere. I can only conclude that you are either doing this on purpose to gather some sort of attention or are truly hopeless. So, which one is it?"

He had started out calm but his voice rose steadily as he continued. He leaned forward as he fell into the last sentences, hands planted firmly on the desktop, body hunched forward to lean over her small, shaking form.

"I-I" she looked up at him, meeting his eyes for just a moment and then, then she looked away.

He felt a slight triumph at that but it was soured when he heard her sniffle and saw the tears begin to fall.

He'd had plenty of children cry in front of him and he was not at all moved by her crocodile tears , if anything he was more put off by them and scowled deeper. "Oh stop that." He practically snarled his words and she shook, tears falling faster. "You think a few tears will get you out of this situation? Crying gets you nowhere in the real world little girl."

She gave a sob, and he saw her knees knock together. She was truly cowering now and he pulled his palms off the desktop to lean back and watch her. How he had ever thought she would be worth much was beyond him. He shook his head, eyes disapproving and then, just a fraction larger as she looked up at him.

There were tears still falling from her ivy eyes and a little bit of snot running out of her nose that she tried to wipe away with one of her overly large sleeves.

"I…I" she started in a broken tone, rubbing at her eyes too, and looking down. "I-I'm sorry" she cried. "I'm sorry, really. I…I don't wanna disappoint you."

He furrowed his brow. What? That was not something that had ever come up among his students.

"I'm not c-crying cause I-I'm in trouble" she tried to force her voice to calm and heard it crack. She almost fell down. "You… I'm crying cause you're disappointed in me and… and I don't want that."

She wondered how futile it was to tell him all of this. She wasn't doing it to try and get out of whatever punishment he was going to give but she wanted to explain herself, wanted him to know that she would never, ever purposefully disrespect him.

"I admire you" she said, and this was the clearest of anything that had come out of her mouth. "I wanna do good in potions." She sniffled. "B-But every time… _every time_ I try it just… i-it won't go." The tears came back and she rubbed furiously at her eyes and nose, dirtying her sleeves.

"I-I wanna make d-daddy proud. I-I wanna make you proud… I-I just don't know how."

And he jolted when her legs gave under her and the little twelve- year-old went crashing to the floor onto her knees.

"I-I am hopeless" she sobbed into her hands, glasses pushed away and onto the floor as she had her little breakdown.

If this was acting she had a future as a wonderful actress, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it was.

His sour mood deflated into something closer to pity, a feeling he hadn't experienced for years, and he walked around the desk to stand at her side.

She looked up when his polished black shoes clicked to a halt beside her and blinked at the white cloth hanging in her line of vision. "W-Wha?"

"Your sleeves are absolutely filthy Ms. Dari, as is your face. This will remedy one of those two problems… Must I tell you which?"

Another moment of hesitation and she sniffled again, giving him a small smile as she shook her head and took the handkerchief from his hand. She wiped her eyes and cheeks, hesitating at her nose before he commanded "blow" in a soft voice and she did.

He pointed his wand at her in the meantime and set his cleaning charm on her instead of a cauldron and desk, her sleeves and the kerchief clean in just moments.

She handed it back and he stowed it away somewhere that she did not see while she gathered up her glasses and bag and pulled herself up slowly, leaning on his desk for support. Her legs, and herself in general, were still pretty shaky but she was sure she'd be okay. "Thank you"

"Do not thank me yet" he said, folding his arms smartly behind him. "There is still the matter of your punishment at hand."

She nodded, not contesting him. She didn't want to be punished but she figured it would happen eventually. She couldn't really complain… Well she could but it wouldn't help anything. She met his eyes, the silence telling him to go on and he took a step back from her, back towards the other side of his desk.

"A paper based on your additional notes about the brewing of today's potion, minimum two pages, due Friday." He shifted pointlessly through a stack of papers to take a pause. "I believe this will be the task given to you each time a potion is improperly made."

"Yes sir" she nodded obediently. He looked back at her, it didn't seem to upset her very much, if at all. At least she was reasonable.

"Additionally" and he wondered how reasonable she would feel about this "you will report here for detention tomorrow evening at six o' clock sharp. Do not be late."

Her mouth twitched down into a frown but she replied "yes sir."

He pulled out a piece of parchment and grabbed up his quill, scrawling a quick note as silence fell upon them. This he handed to her and then gave a small wave. "Dismissed."

She nodded one more time, trying a soft smile his way, and repositioned her bag before turning and walking off.

He watched after her till she was out the door and then dropped into his seat. That was… oddly emotionally taxing, and he found it disconcerting that he saw a bit of himself in her, and not in anything positive. He saw it in her eyes, the despair of someone who truly did feel hopeless… someone who felt worthless.

What an odd little girl. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Down the hall she walked, feeling just as drained, heart just slowing to its usual rhythm. That had been terrifying, but now it was over. She looked around the corridor and smiled to see herself out of the dungeon. Feeling far enough away she glanced at the note.

_Professor Flitwick_

_Please excuse Ms. Dari for her tardiness. Also, please teach her Scourgify, Tergeo, and_ _Aguamenti as soon as possible. If you must have a reason, question me. _

_-S. Snape_

She blinked. Not comprehending why she would need to learn two cleaning charms, one more specialized to blood, and a water casting charm. Her brow furrowed and she tapped her cheek, sleeve in her peripheral vision. Her sleeve… She began to laugh. Did the professor have a sense of humor? How funny.

It seemed she'd be cleaning her own messes from now on.

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**I feel like the transition from Snape to Lauren POV, even though it's third person omniscient, is a little jumpy here, especially near the end. Gotta work on that XD Any tips, throw em my way =3 Think it was good? Let me know. Think it was bad, help me improve. Wanna pronounce your love for cookies... that would be a little random but go ahead! Or you could just go on your merry way, which is just as well. Have a good day/night/other!  
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	3. Little Miss Hopeless

**Chapter 3! Year 3. Just before Spring break Lauren seems down. Professor Snape takes it upon himself to inquire.**

**It's a little longer than the last two, I think, so I hope you all can enjoy. And just so you know, I got a nice joy boost when I woke up this morning/afternoon and found even more watches and favorites and even a review and a pm. I'd like to thank ****PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, and Isa'ralia Faradien who's going to be translating this story into French. I'm extremely thankful to you all and I hope you enjoy this next chapter and all the others! =3**  


**********Disclaimer: Only things I own here are Lauren and my idea for the plot. Everything else is property of its respective owners, mostly the wonderful J.K. Rowling unless otherwise stated.**

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Chapter 3 - Little Miss Hopeless

For the last day before a break she seemed rather pensive, rather down. It was odd because the girl, when not crying, was usually upbeat and happy. It was a bit annoying but it was her way and sudden changes in his students like this were never good… It hadn't been too sudden though now that he thought about it.

For the last two weeks at least an aura of sadness had floated over her, a perpetual gloom covering her usual sunny demeanor.

It had not affected her studies as far as he knew. In his class she was just attentive, and in Charms he'd learned, though Flitwick had noticed her sudden depression as well and questioned Snape about it. He was a touch insulted that the miniscule man thought Snape the cause with all the detentions she'd been earning for her poor potions performance but no matter. He was used to being blamed.

And perhaps that was the cause but, if so, why was it just starting to affect her now? She'd been in detention at least once a month every other month since he first began punishing her for botched potions and she had yet to verbally complain.

What was wrong with her?

He looked at her from his seat for a moment, very easy since she was almost directly in front of him just slightly to the left , and saw her sigh as she scribbled down another messy, purple line of notes. Around her most of her peers had stopped this, focusing instead on day dreams of their coming spring break. It was frustrating but would come to bite them in the ass later and not him. He wasn't the one with a paper to write over break.

She took a pause, set down her quill and just, stared at an empty spot on her desk for a long while.

Why so pensive?

She did this till the bell rang and he called out to the quickly packing class. "Do not forget your essay, due upon your day of return. No exceptions." He heard several groans and disregarded them, stepping away from his desk and to hers in three long strides.

She was still sitting, slowly tucking away the purple journal she'd been using for note taking this year. He set a hand on her desktop and she looked away from her task and up at him, a small, questioning smile raising her tanned cheeks but not reaching her eyes.

"Stay for a moment Ms. Dari" he responded to that smile and she gave a curious look but nodded.

"Yes sir."

She packed the rest of her things as he went back to his desk and stood to follow him, standing before him as she had so many times.

He sat again, folded his hands on the desk, and looked into her eyes.

She did not look away, though that position made her nervous. Was she getting another lecture? What had she done today? Was it because she'd stopped working ten minutes before class got out? She knew she should have kept working. She blew a sigh through her nose and he began speaking.

"What is wrong?"

"H-Hu?" was the inarticulate jumble that fell out of her as a response.

"You have been pensive as of late, and unhappy. I am not the only one to have noticed but it seems I will be the one to ask. What is wrong?"

A long silence stretched between them and she looked down at her shoes, jolting him slightly. Something really was wrong. What…

"Nothing." The lie was blatant and made him scowl. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, one she was familiar with. "I'm fine. No worries." Her gaze trailed back to his and she smiled a smile so obviously fake he couldn't even be moved to be angered by it, just… pity it.

"Do not lie to me Ms. Dari. You are not very good at it."

Her smile faltered and she looked down again. "N-No. Really. I'm okay, just… a little tired."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Tell me" he began "do others believe you when you say these things?"

Another silence then "yes… not that they ever ask how I am."

He watched as she shrugged, the sadness in her voice ringing with truth. That look felt, familiar. That voice as well. He saw a little more of himself in her and leaned back in his chair. Silence swallowed them and he considered very carefully his next words.

"I am not them."

She looked at him quizzically and he elaborated.

"I am not others. I am myself and I do not like being lied to, especially when the lie is so blatant. I am asking you a serious question and expect a serious answer. What is troubling you Ms. Dari?"

He suppressed the urge to sigh as the words finished. There. He'd said it. The words he himself had always needed to hear as a youth and had never gotten, the concern that might have kept him from this life of bitterness, a life line no one had thrown him. He'd cast it out to her now and waited to see if she would take it, save herself from his fate.

He caught her eyes and she looked scared, shaken. Her hands trembled, something he realized happened quite often to her, and she took a slight step away from his desk.

"I… I" she was battling with herself. Never before had she been posed with this question, outside of her home at least, never had someone called her out on her lies. Why would they… Why was he? She almost wanted to press on in the way she had. Smothering the bad feelings was habit, you didn't break habit… but what if that habit was destructive?

"It's… it's not a lot… I just…"

He waited for her to continue. She was caving and he knew it.

"I… I'm a failure" she finally pushed.

His brow furrowed.

Now it was her time to elaborate.

"I-I'm a third year and I've never once brewed a proper potion. I'm hardly passing transfigurations and my wand refuses to cooperate with Defense against the Dark Arts." She huffed and clenched her hands into tight fists. The expression on her face as she looked down again was one of anger and he thought it did not fit her at all.

"I'm a Ravenclaw. I'm supposed to be brilliant but instead I'm just… I'm just me! I'm just a failure and I… I don't want to go home as a failure. I don't want to disappoint mama and papa. What can I tell them I learned when I go back home? How can I face them knowing how brilliant they both are and being a fool myself?"

Tears collected in her eyes then fell, brown cheeks flushing a dusky red.

"And it's not fair." She said this in a soft voice, much different from her previously escalating volume. "I try so hard, I really do, but things never go my way… Some days I just want to give up, just quit school and run away. It sounds nice. I'm about to go crazy. I can't stand the way they look at me. All of the teacher especially. _You_ especially. The way you look at me that tells me just how hopeless I am. How much of an idiot I am… It makes me want to give up."

She deflated completely after this statement, shoulders sagging, hands unclenching to hang limp but still shaking at her sides. More tears fell and she felt pathetic standing in front of her professor, crying like a baby. Had she really just done that, said that? Had she really just thrown a tantrum?

She couldn't bring herself to look up at him, just flinched when she heard him stand and felt him stop to stand just at her side.

Silence came again and she tried not to break it with sobbing or sniffling. Stop crying, stop she wanted to urge herself but couldn't.

Two minutes of this and then he spoke.

"Ms. Dari."

She slowly turned to face him but didn't look up.

He sighed above her and she felt fingers on her chin, tilting her head upwards.

Ivy met onyx and she blinked curiously, her sight obscured by tears. She could not quite make out his expression but knew that even if she could she'd still be in shock at his actions.

The cloth of that familiar handkerchief, the same one he'd handed to her last year and several times since when she injured herself and cried, brushed against her cheeks. He dabbed away her tears with a gentleness no one would ever expect from the cold potions professor and brushed her frizzy hair from her brow.

She just stared up at him, thunderstruck and speechless as he held her chin a little more firmly and made sure her eyes met with his.

"You are a fool Ms. Dari" he said bluntly. "You are a fool because you disvalue your own brilliance. Tell me, how many other third year students know _Aguamenti_. How many others comprehend the advanced Potions material I require them to copy in detentions and incorporate this information into their papers? You are a bright young woman, despite your shortcomings in the practical application of Potions you understand. I cannot say anything for your performance in other classes, I do not teach them, but Flitwick at least values you as a protégé."

He frowned as she continued to gape at him, stuttering out a soft "b-but."

"But nothing. You are… you are not hopeless" oh how he wished someone would have told him that years ago. "You are one of the few students I enjoy teaching. If I look at you in any particular way it is with hope that you will overcome whatever it is that keeps you from achieving your fullest potential. You are not an idiot and I will not allow you to give up."

He released his hold on her and she let her wide eyes stay set on his own. "I… I" she couldn't quite form words, still processing his. Had he just… really?

"Professor" she sighed finally, looking down. "I… Thank you."

"No thanks are necessary. I simply gave you the truth, now" he turned to his desk and scribbled yet another note, handing it off to her, "get to class."

She nodded, taking the note and gave him another smile, this one reaching her eyes. "Have a good break Professor."

"You as well, Ms. Dari."

She turned and left him. He watched her go.

In his chest he felt… light, lighter than he had in many years. He supposed it was the feeling of pride, of accomplishment, of fulfillment in knowing that he may have just saved a life, a life so different and yet so similar to his own. She was a girl much like him as a youngster he knew, a person who internalized things like pain and worry and who would explode when the limit of suppression was reached. He knew that feeling well and hoped he would be able to help her with it. It felt like it could earn him just a bit of atonement for his multitude of sins.

He went to sit at his desk, leaning back as he gazed at the kerchief in his hand. Still damp from her tears he spelled it clean again wondering quietly what it felt like to have someone wipe your pain away. He hoped it was nice, that it had given her some comfort in her frantic state, and wondered if he'd ever truly know.

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**Hope this wasn't too terribly out of character for Snape, I've just always thought that behind all that callous coldness there could be a very caring heart that didn't want others to suffer like him. And I hope Lauren's not bugging you yet with her little episodes. I'm kinda going for teenage insecurity, nothing too dark or terrible just, ya know, the kind of stuff a lot of teenagers go through. Don't know about you guys but I always got at least a little upset when I did bad in my favorite class.**

**Anyway, got questions, comments, or ways I can improve? Drop a review. If not, thanks for reading anyway! Have a great day/night/other!**


	4. Little Miss Foolish

**Chapter 4! Year 4. Late night studying gone slightly awry. Lauren needs to take better care of herself. **

**After this chapter some years will have more than one chapter! Just thought I'd let you know. =3 **

**Super duper big thanks to PandaWong, who also sent me a review just a bit ago, thanks for that! SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, and Isa'ralia Faradien. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and all the ones after it. **

**And thank you to all you wonderful people who just read and go on your way. Hope you can enjoy my little fic too~**

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Chapter 4 – Little Miss Foolish

Fourth year wasn't going as smoothly as Lauren would have liked. As in previous years she was barely achieving a grade of Acceptable in Transfigurations and in Potions. The Transfigurations wouldn't bother her usually but, given that she was to take her O.W.L's next year it was a bit disconcerting. And no matter what she did she still couldn't brew a potion.

To make things worse, she was distracted out of her mind. The tri wizard tournament was going on and while she hadn't been initially interested, not a sports fan, Harry had gone and gotten himself roped up in things. She shouldn't be surprised, and she wasn't, too much, but she was terribly worried. They weren't close but she liked him. He was a good friend, someone she could talk to and someone who came to talk to her often. She cared for him and she didn't want him hurt.

Oh, and the Yule Ball. There was that too. She was worrying over if she should get a date or just go by herself, what she should wear, if she should dance or not. She knew how to dance, quite well, but would people think she was being showy? How was she even supposed to get a dress? Just write her parents and ask for it? She didn't know which one to choose and what if she wanted a new one.

All of this worry was enough to make her crazy and with a flustered sigh she brought her head, rather aggressively, to the table top.

She winced at the pain but didn't move, just laid there with her face down in the wood for a while. It was cool and smooth and soothed what she thought might be a fever coming on. It was cold and she hadn't been sleeping well lately, her immune system was probably down. She needed rest.

With a slow, large yawn she sat up slightly, pulling off her glasses so that she could put her head down again and rest her eyes.

She could use a bit of a break from the studying. A little five minute desk nap wouldn't hurt anything…

"Ms. Dari?"

The deep, unamused voice and gentle shake brought her jumping out of sleep and she looked up with bleary eyes at one Professor Severus Snape.

"Oh… Hi professor" she said softly, stifling a yawn behind her hand. "Can I help you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Do you not think a bed would be a better place to sleep?"

She smiled. "Yeah, probably, but I was just taking a quick nap. Bet I've only been down for five minutes. I'll get back to studying now."

He gave her a rather exasperated stare as she turned back to her work only to cry out in shock.

"M-My notes! What happened?" Her eyes widened and she pulled her glasses back on to see if she was seeing right. Her notes were, in fact, nothing more than unreadable smudges on the paper now. How?

"I believe they are on your face" he pointed out and she slapped a hand to her cheek. Drawing it away she saw clearly the ink there and hung her head.

"O-oh no."

She bit her lip and he watched her with raised brows. "Ms. Dari, what time do you believe it to be?"

She turned to him, blinking curiously. "I-I dunno. Maybe half past seven?"

He shook his head, black hair fluttering slightly. "Add four hours and you would be correct."

"Four… It's eleven?!" she shot from her seat with the exclamation and he scowled.

"Regardless of the time you are still in a library. Quiet down!"

She whimpered and fell back into her chair. Elbows on the table she dropped her head into her hands and gave a flustered groan. Four hours, she'd spent four hours sleeping at the table, she'd wasted four hours of her precious study time… she'd stayed out past curfew.

Another groan when she realized she would probably get detention for this. "I'm sorry…"

"I am assuming you fell asleep some time ago then?"

"Yes."

"Studying?"

"Yes."

"Would it have not been more lucrative to return to your common room after dinner rather than venture here where you may be caught out after curfew?" His voice hinted at more of that exasperation.

She shook her head, frizzy, dusty hair bouncing in its pigtails. "I can't concentrate in there right now. Everyone's all worked up over the tournament and the ball and no matter how hard I try to study in there I always get dragged into a conversation but I don't wanna talk I wanna study. I've gotta do well on my O.W.L's"

It came out in a rush, almost one long sentence, and he frowned. "Over eager are we? Shouldn't you be consumed with the tournament and ball as well?"

"Should I?" she asked. "I don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I just wanna do well but I don't know what I'm supposed to do." She sighed. "I wish I could sleep, maybe then I would, I wish I could sleep but the nightmares…" she shuddered. "This is the longest I've slept all week."

"Nightmares?" he inquired, then realized he was asking her quite a few questions.

"Yeah. The carbuncles come and drag me to other world. They lock me away in a crystal egg and I can't escape. It's dark, very dark and lonely. There's no light, no light but the dark is red and it grows and grows and then it swallows me and I have to wake up or I'll fall."

Near the end her ranting got frantic and he noticed the flush in her cheeks and the tears in her eyes as she thought on what he assumed must be a great fear of hers.

He took a seat beside her, resting a palm on her forehead to check his own suspicions. Yes. She definitely had a fever, a high one.

"W-what are you doing? Your hands are cold Professor" she said, shaking her head away from him despite the pleasantness of the cool. She pouted and he could hardly believe the sight before him. He'd certainly seen some interesting things in his days as a professor but never this, never a five foot girl with fever flushed, freckled chocolate skin and dusty brown hair, staring at him sleepily with clouded ivy green eyes and pout on her face. His students did not pout in front of him. She was obviously sick and delusional.

"You have a fever Ms. Dari" he explained "and need to go see Madam Pomfrey before you return to bed… A proper bed."

She frowned and shook her head. "I can't Professor. I've got to redo my notes…" her eyes trailed to the smudged paper. "Oh…" she whimpered again. "All that work… Why do I keep messing up so much?" Her hands went back to her face again and he saw drops of water fall from between her fingers. She was crying.

He rolled his eyes. She shed tears far too easily. Perhaps she would have been better suited to Hufflepuff, that damn hat didn't know what it was doing some times.

He pulled out his wand and cast a spell he had always found rather useful, used to clear spilt ink and restore smudged writing. It was a wonder Flitwick hadn't taught it to his little star student yet and Snape made a mental note to send another written note.

The papers repaired he examined the books spread about the table along with several pieces of parchment. They were _Advanced Potion-Making, Moste Potente Potions, Magical Drafts and Potions, Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration, _and_ Intermediate Transfiguration_. He noted that one of these books was available only in the restricted section of the library and would be sure to question her on it later but for now he could only find himself colored impressed that she had been reading and taking notes on all of these books, and there was evidence of notes from every one.

He looked back at her, still crying softly to herself, and scowled again.

"Stop that and gather your things" he demanded and she looked up at him with yet another pout.

"Why are you so mean Professor?" she cried and he felt his eye twitch.

"Because children like you have exhausted my patience with foolish questions. Stop that blubbering and gather your things. You're going to see Madam Pomfrey."

"No." she shook her head. "I've gotta study. I've got to redo my notes."

He rolled his eyes. "Look at the paper you dolt."

She did, despite the insult and her eyes widened. "H-How?"

"Ask Flitwick."

She accepted that but still hesitated. "Do I really need to go to the nurse? I could just go back to the common and study."

"That is precisely why you're going to see her." He knew her type. He used to be, and still sometimes was, the kind that would push and push with studying or work, not sleeping or eating, continuing till they dropped. He'd always suspected her of it but since he did not see her outside of class, mealtimes, and detentions he had no founding proof, till now. She was obviously not caring for herself properly, was obviously sick, and would obviously not seek help for herself.

And he knew that usually he would not be doing this, going out of his way to help. Usually he would have just ordered a detention and sent her on her way, but he sympathized. Once again he found the small girl a shadow to himself and it still unsettled him. He wanted no one else to suffer as he did.

She whined at him as he thought, but slowly began to pack her things. She muttered something under her breath containing the words study and nurses office, and realized he'd have to take her notes or she would be revising them till dawn, even without the books.

Gingerly he plucked the note book from between her dainty fingers, glaring at her for her sounds of protest.

"I will be taking these Ms. Dari, and while you rest I will read over them and see where you need improvement."

She whined again and puffed out her cheeks. "But… But professor."

"But nothing" he practically growled, though it lost a bit of its aggression when he looked at her face again, pouting and looking absolutely juvenile with the ink blot on her cheek. "Wipe your face and come along."

She obeyed one of his commands, but not very well as she pressed her fist against the blot and succeeded in spreading it wider. She dropped her hand back into her lap and looked at him in a way that asked 'better now?' and he sighed.

"You look positively foolish" he stated bluntly, flicking his kerchief, it was getting a lot of use from her, and wand out of his sleeve. Placing her note book down but out of her reach he cast a weak _Aguamenti _to wet the cloth and then leaned forward. One of his hands braced itself on her shoulder, the other one wiping the stain from her skin.

She squirmed under the attention, furrowing her brow and crinkling her nose, looking like an unhappy child. He didn't ease up and kept his grip firm till her face was clean, every blotch of ink removed.

There, much better. He looked her over after he let go, absently cleaning the cloth as he did. Without the dark patch on her cheek he could see the flush of her skin much better and his hand was still warm from when he'd held her shoulder. How high was this fever?

As she tried to reach for her notebook, attempting and failing at being surreptitious, he snatched it back up in one hand and used the other to coax her to her feet. She was sick enough at least to be disoriented, along with a little delusional.

She held out her hands like a toddler asking for a toy and he turned, grabbing her by the arm as he went to get her moving.

She followed with little complaint after that, though a serious look covered her face from library to hospital wing, as if she was concentrating on walking, or studying in her head which was far more likely.

Madame Pomfrey was shocked to see him at that late hour, it had rolled around to midnight, and even more shocked to see Lauren trailing behind sleepily. Her eyes had, at some point glazed over and she looked rather worse for the wear.

Ushering her into a bed the quick diagnosis of a virus was made. It was in no way magical but still potent and with a high running fever.

She gave her a potion to lower that, another to help expel the virus as best as they could, and then made the girl lay down with a wet cloth on her forehead.

Lauren didn't put up too much of a fight, rather complacent she was after she sat and then laid in the bed, feeling comfortable. She wasn't quite sure of when her clothes had been changed and she wanted her note book, she needed to study, but the bed… it was so soft and the pajamas were so warm.

She watched sleepily as the two teachers beside her bed talked, but she didn't hear their words. Pomfrey left a moment later, smiling at her, Snape stayed behind.

"Do you have any other notes among your bag Ms. Dari?" he asked, sure that if she did and remembered them she would find a way up and out of bed to work on them.

"No sir" she replied with a sleepy smile a feeble shake of her head. "Can I… My note book please? So much studying…" she sighed and he almost, _almost _laughed.

"You may collect it once Madam Pomfrey releases you from her care. For now, sleep."

He nodded to her, blew out the candle by her bed, and turned to leave but lurched when a tight tug came at his robes. He turned on her terribly unamused and ready to scold her but the look in her eyes made him stop short, a chill coming over him. She looked positively terrified.

"What-"

"Don't leave" she pleaded suddenly. "Not in the dark, don't leave me in the dark." She whimpered, holding to him tighter. She looked about ready to cry and he really wished she wouldn't, he thought she did that too easily, made it too easy for people to read her, to hurt her, but he couldn't tell her not to. She looked genuinely scared, petrified even at the prospect of being left in the infirmary in the dark and he recalled her words from earlier. A darkness that was red and that grew, that swallowed her, a darkness she was afraid of. She was afraid of the dark.

The candle on the table was a small thing and he didn't think it would last all the way through the night. He supposed he could charm it but what if Poppy came along and blew it out… How had she survived these last four years if she had such a crippling fear of the dark? Looking into her frightened eyes he found her mind was an open book and before he could think better of it he dove in, trying to find some reason to this spastic behavior.

What he saw chilled him with sadness and made his blood boil in anger. Such a tiny thing she was, so larger the other child, and the closet, so much darkness in all that space, suffocating though there was room to move.

He pulled free of her mind and of her grasp, gently, and searched through her bag. The memory of a gifted lamp had also been at the forefront of her though and he found it with ease. The tea light in the little cage was enchanted to last much longer than average and he was able to leave a note for the medical witch under its metal frame letting her know of Lauren's fear.

He turned back to the girl in question and she was significantly calmer now. The tears on her cheeks were fresh but still and he wiped them away with a gentle thumb this time.

"Better?" he asked.

"Better" she nodded. "Sleepy."

"Sleep."

And for the first time that whole night she obeyed him the first time and followed his instruction properly. In mere moments her breathing evened out and she fell to the land of dreams.

He touched her forehead gently, he was being unusually gentle it seemed, and turned again to leave. This time he went unhindered , able to make it all the way to the dungeons without a word spoken. He thought as he walked, thought of her and her fears, what he had seen, and of the book in his hands, her notes.

In his quarters he sat, as close to relaxed as he was going to get tonight, and began to read her entries. What he saw was… extremely interesting to say the least.

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**So, what do you think? Yet another teen issues chapter. It get's a lot cheerier after this I promise. =D Hope I did okay with Snape. Once again, I feel like he's a bi of a softie once you get down in there, you just have to get down in there.**

**Um, just wondering, I'm going to write a little Yule Ball chapter, just cause, would any of you be interested in seeing it? If not I'll just keep it in my files XD It won't be anything romantic. More like, character analysis. It'll focus on Lauren, Harry, Draco, maybe a little bit of Luna, and of course Snape and be a sort of cheery friendship thing. Not sure if I'ma post it or not so I thought I'd ask.**

**Anyway, got any questions or comments, send em my way. Disliked it? Give me some advice on how to get better. Or, if you have nothing to say at all, have a nice day/night/other!**


	5. Little Miss Brilliant

**Chapter 5! Year 4. Lauren and Snape discuss her notes the next day~**

**Super duper big thanks to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, and Isa'ralia Faradien. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and all the ones after it. **

**And thank you to all you wonderful people who just read and go on your way. Hope you can enjoy my little fic too~**

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Chapter 5 – Little Miss Brilliant

Severus was glad to see Lauren in class the day following, obviously in better health and mood when she found her note book sitting on her desk.

She shot him a cheerful smile and he gave a barely there nod in return. The class room was mostly empty, she arriving a bit earlier than was usual, and he stepped from his desk to hers. Arms folded behind his back he stood straight and looked down his nose at her.

She wondered why he was studying her so closely and hoped she hadn't done something terribly stupid in her fevered haze last night, she couldn't remember much of what had gone on, nothing past leaving the library, and her words were a distant memory. That virus sure had been something… She really, really hoped she hadn't made an ass of herself.

"Stay after class, Ms. Dari" his voice broke through her thoughts and she could do nothing more than nod as her mind scrambled to think of a reason why.

Had she done something punishment worthy? Well, she knew she'd stayed out after curfew, that might be a week of detention there, but she couldn't think of anything else off the top of her head. She was going to inquire but he was back at the front of the room before she knew it and the rest of her classmates were inside and seated now.

She frowned but settled in her seat. Whatever it was, she'd know what was up after class.

Flipping her notebook open she paused, eyes jumping back and forth from one line of green to another. There were notes piled on top of her notes, written in a flowing script far different from her own. She caught a few things like '_brilliant analysis_', '_point of consideration_', and '_was not included in essay?_' among the lines crammed into the margins and between her paragraphs and gazed up at the Professor, paying her no mind as he launched them into the lecture.

She flipped through slowly, towards the unmarked pages where she would write her notes for the day, and caught much of the same plus a lot of technical speak that she didn't take the time to read and think about. It amazed her though that he had taken the time to look through, it seemed, every page and make at least one note.

She wondered if they were all good ones though or if the first few had just been flukes before her theories got completely crazy and he had to start criticizing her. Hopefully not but she couldn't be sure now could she, and she had to pay attention to the lesion before she could go back and read everything.

Class flew by faster than she or he would have expected. When the bell rang and he reminded them all of their homework, another paper obviously, she forwent packing her belongings and simply went to his desk, book in hand.

"You wanted to see me Professor?" she asked with a small, hopeful smile.

"Yes Ms. Dari, please take a seat."

When had that chair gotten behind her? She sat in it heavily with a little 'oof' and pulled it closer to his desk, setting her notebook on the tabletop.

"I assume you saw my notes" it was more of a statement than a question but she nodded anyway and pushed at her glasses nervously.

"Didn't get to read them all since I had to take, ya know, more notes for class but um… I'm guessing I wrote at least a few things right, didn't I?"

"Indeed" he said shortly, leaning back in his chair, gaze somewhat incredulous as he regarded her. "Tell me Ms. Dari, why have you chosen to omit certain elements from your works?"

"Certain… I'm not sure if I follow you Professor" she said, tilting her head slightly to the side. It was a habit he had noticed she, and several others had but that she tended to exaggerate, her head nearly resting on her shoulder as she did so.

He sighed through his nose and slid the book from under her hands, flipping it open to a page he had marked with a scrap of paper. The top of the page was titled _Draft-Properties of the Wit-Sharpening Potion. _

Snape pointed to a paragraph halfway down that she read slowly.

_Ginger is perhaps the most important ingredient in this brew. It is known for its uses as a flu and cold curative and for bringing clarity of mind. It is also the ingredient used to cover over the disgusting taste of both scarab beetles and armadillo bile. Because of this, many will want to add more than the instructed amount to their potion, hoping for a better taste and better results, unknowingly putting their lives in danger. Ginger also happens to be a natural blood thinner and consuming too much of the fresh root can have disastrous effects on the body. It is much better for someone who wants to add an extra kick to use powdered ginger which is far less potent and so may be used more liberally. _

The paragraph, she decided was messy and scattered, but beside it many notes were scribbled commenting not on structure but on content. At the bottom the question _'Excluded from the paper for what reason?' _met her eyes and she looked back up to him.

She shrugged her small shoulders, pushing at her glasses again. "It just… It's messy and, it's just one of my silly theories. You want facts in these papers don't you, not the crackpot thoughts of a little girl." She laughed at that and he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closing as his brow knit together.

"Professor?" she asked.

"You are a fool."

"W-What?" she pouted.

"You are a brilliant little fool." He took his hand away and sat up straight, looking into her bespectacled eyes. "Every theory, every speculation, every conclusion you have come to are the same that my colleagues and I think of, the same questions we ask, you have even made a few conclusions that we had not yet considered. Nothing earth shattering, nothing ground breaking, but something as simple as replacing fresh ingredients for powdered or dried ones does not often cross our minds." He sighed again, she still did not seem to understand.

"Ms. Dari, your comprehension of Potions theory is remarkable. You are a fool for discrediting your own ideas and keeping them hidden as you have. Your notes have not given me any insight into your problem with brewing but…" He took a pause, leaning forward just a bit, elbows propped on the desk as he looked over his folded hands, his voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper "I would be willing to provide you with supplementary lessons and tutoring, if you so wish."

He watched as her eyes got wide, smile growing as she took in and processed his words.

Tutoring? Tutoring and supplementary lessons from Professor Snape? But he, he never did that for students. For a minute Lauren thought that maybe she was dreaming, but if she was dreaming the room would be a lot brighter, there would be cupcakes, and Ritsy would be here. Still, she opted to pinch herself, just to make sure, and when she stayed put and found that it actually hurt she nodded eagerly, not questioning it anymore lest he change his mind.

"Of course I'd want to! Thank you so much Professor!" It took an extreme amount of self-restraint to keep from jumping up, dancing about, or hugging him but she managed, instead sticking out her hand as they both stood.

He took it after a moment's hesitation and shook firmly before releasing.

"I will expect to see you Friday evening, after dinner. Bring all your supplies and notes."

She beamed at him "yes sir!" and turned to leave.

"Oh and, one more thing" he stopped her.

"Yes sir?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Report this evening and tomorrow as well, six sharp, for your detention. I hope not to find you out after curfew again."

Her shoulders sagged and she looked at him with the incredulous gaze this time. He continued his blank faced stare and she heaved an exaggerated sigh, hanging her head with a smile and soft, tired laugh.

"Yes sir. Sorry Sir."

He nodded "dismissed" and she quickly packed her things, bounding out of his room with a skip to her step.

He sat back down once she was gone and quietly mused about what he had just gotten himself into. One on one lessons with that girl were sure to be a challenge but… A rare smile quirked his lips as he pulled out a parchment scroll, copies of all her drafted papers. He thought that perhaps she could get them published, with his help and a little revision, and he chuckled, setting to work with his quill and green ink again.

"A brilliant little fool."

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**Just cause she's smart doesn't mean she won't get detention. XD Poor Lauren. Poor Snape having to put up with her from now on.**

**I liked writing this chapter, hope you liked reading it~ Just so you know, next chapter will be Harry centric cause I decided some character development and interaction with others was needed. =3 Hope you all don't mind and if you do I suppose you could skip it once it was posted, though the chapter after that one might be Draco heavy depending on which of my two plans I go with, **

**Anyway, questions, comments, advice, send a review my way. And if not, thanks for reading! Have a good day/night/other~**


	6. Little Miss Comfort

**Chapter 6! Year 5. Sometimes all someone needs is a hug and a promise of tomorrow. Harry centric chapter. Hope you don't mind too badly. A little biter sweet but mostly sweet near the end. =3 **

**As always the only thing that belongs to me here is Lauren and this loose little plot. **

**Once again super duper big thanks to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, and Isa'ralia Faradien. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and all the ones after it.**

**Hope you random readers also enjoy! **

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Chapter 6 – Little Miss Comfort

Lauren did not like Professor Umbridge at all. The stout, pink woman made her think of what might happen if a pig and a toad decided to have a baby. She was unpleasant, snobbish, and hurt her friends. Her depreciating comments about Muggles, Muggle-Borns, and Magical Creatures worried her to no end. Lauren wasn't a Muggle-Born herself, but she was a Halfblood, her mum a Muggle, and it was only a matter of time before Umbridge focused in on her and the other Halfbloods here.

The way she looked at her made her skin crawl and Lauren knew, she just knew that she would be on the receiving end of one of those awful quills at some point if she wasn't careful.

She was sure that her combined sort of apprenticeship with Professor Snape and her rocky friendship with Draco were the only reasons she'd yet to be punished for some mundane slip up. She spent most of her time in the dungeons now, more time near Slytherins than other Ravenclaws, excluding Luna, and when she wasn't there she was with Harry and the others, hiding away as they trained in their little army.

It was difficult and tiring. She'd never been particularly good at DADA but with hard work and persistence she'd been able to learn, to focus herself and produce spells that actually tended to be quite strong and explosive. Of course many of them still tended to backfire or fizzle on her.

When she'd learned her patronus she'd nearly cried at how happy she was and hugged Harry again and again. Really, she'd made a slight spectacle of herself and she was pretty sure Cho was a little upset with her right now.

Eh, that was the least of her worries.

Right now the most of them was Umbridge, the second was Potions, the third was her O.W.L's and the fourth was Harry. He jumped to first though, since he was in the same room as her right now. Both of them were the last two sitting in the Room of Requirement, getting ready to leave after this last meeting of Dumbledor's Army. Usually everyone tried to exit at the same time but today he'd made some excuse to stay along and she had to take a moment to Transfigure her robes back to normal after a stray spell had scorched them. For most people this wouldn't take long but she was still crap at Transfigurations.

She managed though and, eyes finally off her pristine clothes, saw Harry who looked very tired and very very sad. He was sitting on one of the benches that lined the walls, shoulders slumped, elbows on his knees, head in his hands.

If Lauren didn't know better she would have thought that he was crying. As it was though, he seemed very close.

She approached him cautiously, wondering if he knew that she was still around, and stood before him with a soft, worried smile.

"Harry?" she asked in a timid voice. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

He rose his head slowly to regard her, a little surprised by her question. Usually it was 'are you okay?' or 'what's wrong?' which were perfectly fine questions though the first a little redundant since he was obviously not okay.

He took a deep breath as he looked up into her eyes, green like his but a little darker, and shook his head.

"No. I don't but…" he looked down again. His hand twitched slightly then clenched into a fist and his shoulders shifted from side to side in that way people usually did when they had an itch between their shoulder blades that they couldn't scratch.

Lauren's smile grew a little and she leaned down to hug him, kissing his forehead lightly.

Harry always got a little fidgety when he wanted a hug she had noticed. He would never ask for one outright, though sometimes he would go ahead and take one, but most of the time he'd just twitch a little here, shrug a little there, and go unhugged because no one else, except maybe Luna, noticed this little quirk.

He broke away from her to stand and then hugged her again, nice and tight, his head rested atop hers. She smelled like potions and parchment, like the dungeons where she'd been spending all of her time. It worried him that she was spending so much time there, so much time with Snape and worse yet, Draco. He didn't want to lose her to their side, didn't want to lose her as a friend. But she also smelled like chamomile and honey, like she always had. It was her favorite drink that he had noticed she often spilled on her sleeves, she wasn't changing.

She was warm and soft and hugging him back, hugging him tight like he needed. Even heroes needed a hug some times and well, Harry didn't see himself as much of a hero right now, just a sad, tired, scared teen age boy. That's all he wanted to be right now, since he couldn't be happy, not till all of this was over, and all he wanted was a friend who knew that, who could see that, who didn't want 'my friend the hero' just, 'my friend Harry. Harry who wanted to cry but couldn't, Harry who was scared but couldn't show it, Harry who wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and stay there. Harry who needed a hug.'

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes against the tears. He was so sad, and so happy. Conflicted, confused, on the brink of insanity.

"It'll be okay" she murmured into his chest, snuggling her cheek against his heartbeat. "I'm here and Luna's here and Hermione's here and Ron's here and Neville's here and Cho's here and…" she continued on and on, listing off their friend, those who were members of the army and those who were not, people who cared for him. The list went on and on and he felt himself inch farther and farther from the edge with each name. "Your parents are here."

He stiffened.

"Even though you can't see them they are. Everyone who's ever loved you, everyone who ever will love you is here."

He battled against the tears.

"You're not alone Harry. We'll never leave you. You're not alone."

He slumped against her, the tears were there and now that they had started they were not going to stop.

She hugged him a little tighter and smiled bright, shifting from his slackened grip just slightly to turn her face up towards his.

"We love you." Her hands came up to rest on his face, small thumbs wiping away the tears as she brought his forehead down to touch her own. "And, there's always tomorrow."

He laughed, despite himself and rubbed at his eyes as she took a step back, grinning wide, eyebrows in a silly, suggestive arch.

She took another step and flung her arms out with a flourish, belting

"_The sun'll come out tomorrow_

_Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun!_

_Just thinkin' about tomorrow _

_Clears away all of the cobwebs and the sorrow till there's none_"

She dropped a hand on his shoulder, then let it fall to link arms with him. Her unoccupied hand went to her hip and she looked up at him as she continued in her cheerful voice.

"_When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely_

_I just stick out my chin and grin and say_"

She elbowed him softly and he joined her sweet voice with his own, wavery, emotion choked tenor a little laugh tailing it.

"_The sun'll come out tomorrow _

_So you gotta hang on till tomorrow, come what may!_

_Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow_

_You're always a day away._"

They ended laughing, as they did every time they sang this song, and hugged each other again. It had been months since she'd prompted him to sing but it still had the same uplifting ability, made him feel the exact same happiness that had caught him by surprise in second year when he'd found her standing in a window and singing her little heart out.

Back then, when everyone but his two best friends had been shunning him for his Parseltongue abilities, he'd had little hope. Hogwarts was supposed to be a place to escape his terrible life with the Dursley's but at that moment it had seemed almost as dark.

Hearing those words, hearing them sung in such a cheerful voice, his hope had come back just a little bit.

When she turned to find him, asked if he was Harry Potter and then offered him a sugar quill and a big smile he knew things would be okay, that they would get better. Starting later in that same year she took to singing it for him when she came upon him while he was sad or angry or otherwise upset. Their own little joke, his personal pick me up.

"Thank you" he said softly, looking down into her eyes. He wished he could convey just how thankful he really was, the words didn't seem to be enough and he accompanied them with a smile.

She smiled back "any time" and reached up to pat him on the head. "Want a sugar quill?"

He laughed, more than he had in a while.

* * *

**That, got extremely cheesy at the end. XD Wish I woulda made Nachos. **

**Anyway, you know those moments where you feel like crap and everything sucks and all your friends keep asking what's wrong but you don't wanna talk about it you just want a hug? And then that moment where you feel like no one will take the hint but then one of your friends, best or not, just comes up and hugs you or asks if you wanna talk about it and you're so unbelievably happy because they get it. Yeah, that's what Harry's going through right now. In my little head Cannon he goes through that a lot cause, while Hermione and Ron are awesome, a lot of the time Hermione is trying to plan everything ahead, looking towards their next move, trying to get info out of Harry, and Ron, as the best friend, wants to talk about everything and feels dis-valued if Harry doesn't open up.**

**There's nothing wrong with that, those are things friends do, but sometimes that's not what a person wants or needs. They need a hug and some spontaneous musical theater! **

**... This AN ran really long hu? Sorry. XD I just wanted to add one more thing, incase anyone was wondering how I update. I do it for every other chapter I write so, I posted this one after I finished writing chapter seven and I'll post seven after I'm done with eight. I'm really banging through these and plan to keep tempo so I think my average will be one or two chapters a day. **

**Um, questions, comments, advice? Send it my way in a review or Pm! And if note, have a good day/night/other! **


	7. Little Miss Guardian

**Chapter 7! Year 5. Draco is confusing, Lauren is a bear. =3 Doesn't make sense? Read it and it will!**

**Once again super duper big thanks to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, and Isa'ralia Faradien. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and all the ones after it.**

**Also hope you random readers enjoy~**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but Lauren and this plot. ^^**

* * *

Chapter 7 – Little Miss Guardian

Lauren and Harry parted ways quickly after that. It was an hour off from curfew but loitering wasn't generally smiled upon, especially in Harry's case.

He left in the direction of Gryffindor tower and she in the way of the dungeons, looking to meet Professor Snape with her latest notes before bed time. She hoped she wouldn't run into Miss Toadface, er Miss Umbridge, and quickened her walk a little. The faster she was in the class room the faster the chance of their meeting was gone.

She did not like that woman.

"Who?"

Lauren nearly shrieked as a voice came suddenly from her left side and succeeded in jumping higher than she ever had. The sugar quills she kept tucked in her sleeves fell out onto the floor, a few of them cracking in half, and Draco Malfoy laughed as he stepped out of an alcove.

He plucked one of the dropped candies from the ground, an unbroken one, unwrapped it, and slipped the tip into his mouth while her face burned at the realization that she'd vocalized her thoughts. She very much hoped that she hadn't said Miss Toadface aloud.

She pouted up at him when he laughed again and noticed the candy in his mouth, he could've at least asked, and then leaned down to pick up the rest of the fallen sweets. Was he being nice or naughty today she wondered? Their friendship hindered on his attitude on any given day and she didn't like him when he was being unpleasant… Obviously.

When her posture was righted he casually rested a hand on the top of her head, ruffling her hair as he gave her a devilish smile.

"What are you doing down here Dari? Come to see me?"

She rolled her eyes but could hardly hide her smile. He was going to be pleasant then, that was good. She supposed she could be pleasant back.

"Yes" she smiled. "That's exactly why I came here. I missed your snarky attitude and teasing so much that I risked running into the pink wonder to see you." She laughed again and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I knew it! You ladies just can't get enough of me."

They both laughed again. Her relationship with Draco, on its good days, was reminiscent of brother and sister though sometimes tipped into the flirtatious friend's territory. She didn't know how it had happened, much like her relationship with Harry, but it had and she enjoyed it when it was good.

He wasn't a bad person just… misguided she guessed. There were a lot of bad people in his corner telling him to do bad things and after so many years of listening to it, it was just automatic now. At least, that's the conclusion she'd come to given the rather limited information she had about him and his business. It's what she wanted to believe.

She looked up at him and smiled, the smile mixing a touch with her sadness to make a melancholic look that he either didn't notice or didn't want to. She'd talked to him about this…

"Going to see Snape then?" he asked, turning them to walk deeper into the dungeons.

"Yep, got more notes to show him."

"Teachers pet" he laughed and she swatted him in the stomach, making him laugh harder. "Aggressive aren't you. Been spending too much time around Grander" he scowled at her name. Lauren thought it was a little funny that he was still sore about that punch from third year.

"Thought any about my offer?"

That wasn't as funny. She shrugged. "Have you thought about mine?"

He scowled again and moved his arm from around her shoulders, still walking beside her though. He looked away to the wall closest to him and she grabbed his hand. He still avoided looking at her.

"Draco" she said softly, running her thumb over the back of his hand slowly. "You don't have to-"

"Shut up" he didn't interject with a shout like she'd expected but the words were still powerful and she shut her mouth as told.

They walked down the dim hallway silently, hand in hand. Draco looked at the far wall, his eyes distant; Lauren looked up at him, her eyes worried.

Oh how these boys worried her.

She thought about saying something, trying again, but she knew he wouldn't listen. He hardly ever did.

They reached the Potion Masters door and Draco knocked, releasing her hand only after she gave it a gentle squeeze.

A moment later the door creaked open to reveal Snape watching them from his desk, a brow quirked.

"Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Dari"

"Hello sir" Lauren smiled, the smile did not reach her eyes he noticed.

"Sir." Draco nodded then turned with a pat to Lauren's head. He stalked down the hallway and she watched him go. A part of her wanted to follow but she stepped into the room instead, wandering up to Snape's desk.

With a sigh she sat down in the chair waiting for her and fished out her notebook.

"Sorry to just show up Professor" she said, dropping the purple bound book onto his desk. "But I have some notes I wanted to show you um… Is something wrong?"

When she looked back up she found him watching her over laced fingers. That was usually only a look he gave when he was thinking, or when she'd annoyed him. She'd only been there for a few minutes so maybe he was thinking? She hoped so, otherwise she'd need to make a quick break for the door.

"You are well acquainted with Draco?" he asked.

She frowned "I wouldn't say well…"

He gave a slight hum and lowered his hands, reaching out to grab her note book. "The marked page?"

"Uh, yes sir" she nodded awkwardly. That question had been kind of out of the blue… Well maybe not so much so since he'd just seen her with Draco but why would he want to know? It didn't seem important… Did he maybe think she…

Lacing her fingers together Lauren propped her elbows up on the table and rested her chin against them, watching as her Professor read. His face never betrayed his thoughts and she wondered how he did that, always kept such a neutral expression. As someone who wore her heart on her sleeve it was inconceivable keeping her look so trained and unmovable. Maybe he did it with a spell.

She dropped her hands and tilted her head, staring at him openly.

"Yes Ms. Dari?" he asked, eyes moving from the notes to regard her wondering eyes.

"H-Hu?" she blinked, noticing her folly. "S-Sorry" she laughed. "Drifted away I guess."

He regarded her for a moment longer then looked back down at her notes. "Is it perhaps not a good time for conversation then?"

"Oh no, not at all… I mean, yes, I mean… Conversation is fine" she laughed again, eyes sparkling with mirth as was usual. He nodded once slowly and began to question her on her newest theory.

The conversation continued for a good forty five minutes, long enough that if she were to leave the dungeons now without a note she would be in detention tomorrow.

Snape took note of the time and made her aware, her face flushing slightly at this new revelation.

"Whoops" she sighed, brushing a hand absently through her hair. "Could I get a note sir?"

"Certainly." He found his quill and began to write while she packed her notes away.

"Ms. Dari?" he did not look up from his writing.

"Hm?" She blinked at him anyway.

"Do you happen to know the Patronus charm?"

She spluttered some unintelligible reply and he finished his writing. He gave a pointed look. "Do not lie to me Ms. Dari. You know I will know."

She bit her lip and nodded in agreement with that statement. He always knew when she was lying. It was a little creepy actually but she'd gotten used to it.

Weakly she muttered "yes."

"Where did you learn it?"

Her dark skin took on a bizarrely ashen complexion and he chose to ask another question. "Will you show me?"

She looked around, not sure if she should, and toyed with the wand hidden in her sleeve.

"The room is warded, if you are worried about someone seeing" he stated. "Show me."

She blew out a breath and turned away from him, flicking her wand free of her sleeve. She held it aloft in her slim fingers, closed her eyes and spoke softly. "_Expecto Patronum" _

A smile crossed her face and behind her closed eyes flowers grew and bloomed in a garden, a garden where she stood wide eyed as her own magic exploded all around her. In the back ground her mother was singing _You are My Sunshine_ and she could smell the brownies that her father was making, could still taste the chocolate chip pancakes from breakfast. She was chilly in the fall wind, but the sun was shining and the sky over Ireland was clear and blue and bright.

In the world outside of her memories Severus Snape stood from his desk to regard with some wonder the large Patronus stalking and rolling playfully around the small girl. A full grown bear, maybe even a little larger than average, sat back and blinked as she opened her eyes and smiled at it with a sweet and tender fondness. It came forward, sniffing her, nuzzling her affectionately, and then disappeared into the air as wisps of silvery blue light.

She turned to him, that look of fondness still on her face, and he wondered not for the first time when this girl was going to cease to amaze him. He hoped she never would.

"Would you like to know something Ms. Dari?" he asked.

"Certainly" she smiled.

"The Patronus is often a reflection of one's heart… Yours is full of surprises isn't it?"

Her smile turned to a laugh. "More than you'd think. I'm sure it's still growing to hold them all."

"May it continue growing indefinitely" he wished to her, holding out the note as a distraction. "Good night, Ms. Dari."

"Good night Professor."

She was out the door just moments later and he watched after her. He felt a little more at ease than he had previously. Things in their world seemed to be getting darker, Umbridge was proof of that, and he worried for Draco. The boy was teetering so dangerously on the edge between good and evil, between servitude and salvation.

Severus did not want him to take the mark, he did not want Draco to destroy his life, his future as he had. Even now those old ghosts haunted him, even now…

He stared at the empty chair where she had just moments ago sat, turned to look at the place where her Patronus had stood tall and imposing but gentle, loving, guarding with its paces around her. At heart she was a guardian. It was not something he had suspected, not something he expected, but something he thought sensible once it was made known and something he was glad for.

While the professors of Hogwarts would protect their students in body, no one was there to guard their hearts, their thoughts. He knew none of the other students knew of Draco's problems, not even his so called friends. They might think they knew but they didn't, and even if they did know something, like his two flunkies and that Pansy girl, they did nothing to try and stop his road to self-destruction. He also knew she did not know of them either and yet still tried her hardest to let him know that he had a choice. He knew, from an earlier overheard conversation, that she was trying to give him a way out. She had even offered to set him up with a place to stay.

Draco would never take her up on the offer he was sure, if anything in fear for his own life and possibly for hers, but knowing that she cared enough to offer, to try, made him glad the two were acquainted. Perhaps her heart could help his grow, like her magic to those flowers.

A faint smile found its way onto his face as he turned towards his chambers. In his mind he could picture it, spring time in fall under a blue, blue Irish sky and bright green eyes reflecting a mother bear's heart.

* * *

**Was that good? I hope so. XD Did her patronus surprise you. It surprised me when I came up with it but I think it works. =3 Um, the Draco thing probably won't be touched on any more in this story, but if I decide to go on with the larger scale one I have planned questions regarding that shall be answered~**

**Any questions, comments, advice? Drop a review or a PM! If not, have a good day/night/other!**


	8. Little Miss Success

**Chapter 8! Year 5. Good vibes between Lauren and Snape, a little bit of Christmas cheer, and a deciding moment for the both of them. **

**Sorry to be posting this so late. XD It's the longest chapter yet at seven pages on Word, I shortened it from ten, and my internet is being screwy so I've gotta plug in with the ethernet cable that took me forever to find. XD No more excuses though, I had a good time writing this, even though I think it ends on an odd note. **

**Um, there are a few things that pop up with relevance to this story but that aren't super important, like Raw Magic and her uncle Benjamen. You'll see them when you see them but just know, that book is completely fake and non cannon as is the Hornwell family and Raw Magic, though there are a few theories about it floating around on the internet. I'm not completely sure where I got it from but let it be known that I'm pretty sure that's not something I came up with. =3 **

**Anyway, it's not too important in this story but, if I go on to the bigger one I've got in my head, it might be. **

**Once again super duper big thanks to PandaWong, who sent a lovely review that made me super happy, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, and Isa'ralia Faradien. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and all the ones after it.**

**Also hope you random readers enjoy~**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but Lauren and this plot. ^^**

* * *

Chapter 8 – Little Miss Success

Christmas holiday started tomorrow. In the morning Lauren would be going down to Hogsmead with everyone else returning home and catch the train.

She was excited for it, Christmas was one of the most festive holidays for her family, but she was also frustrated. She still hadn't made a potion and it was just a short time till the O.W.L's now. Just after spring break which was practically right around the corner in her mind.

And now was the only time she had to try and perfect at least one potion before the New Year, before she went home. Wouldn't her first brewed potion be a wonderful gift for her dad? She thought so and she really wanted to be able to give it to him but that couldn't happen if she didn't actually brew anything.

With a flustered sigh she pushed open the door to the Potions room and poked her head in. Professor Snape was sitting at his desk like always, waiting for her, and as was customary with these extra lessons had their plan written on the board.

"Ms. Dari" he greeted, standing.

"Evening Professor" she smiled, going to her desk where ingredients lay, waiting patiently for her to use them. "Trying for a calming drought this time?"

"Yes. I feel one would be useful to you, what with the O.W.L's approaching this spring."

She nodded in understanding. "If I can get it right it certainly will be."

She knew the properties of this potion already, he knew she knew, and so there was no need to lecture on it, not even briefly. Instead they went right to brewing, he sitting at her side while she worked.

As she began cutting ingredients he stopped her, as he often did, with a hand over her own. The first time he'd done that she'd been surprised, his fingers were cold and she'd never known him to be touchy, but that had been over a year ago. She understood now that it was the fastest and most direct way to stop her actions without an abrupt instruction to stop that may or may not have come out harshly depending on his mood for the day. It was considerate of him and she smiled, looking up at him curiously.

"Thinner" he instructed shortly, hand moving to let her continue.

She sighed, still smiling and tried again.

They had learned through trial and error that a large part of her problem was inconsistent measurements. She was not good at determining length or width with her eyes, or a guide for that matter, applied too little pressure when grinding things with the mortar and pestle, and often misread the scale. Additionally, her shaky hands made cutting difficult and sloppy.

They were problems both of them had been working to fix and she had gotten better, but she still needed guidance and instruction when doing something as simple as measuring out quantities.

"Not enough" he prodded, gently, as she sometimes found herself flustered with too many corrections one after the other. It had been a bother before, her hands shaking more, cheeks flushing till she'd finally just give up for the day and leave his room nearly crying or, worse, actually crying. It drove him crazy but when he'd finally caught her before one of her daring escapes he'd realized that she was still that same, sobbing second year, afraid of disappointing him. He'd tried to ease up after that, for both of their sakes, and it seemed to be helping but he was still wary.

She kept smiling though, added another small pinch of chamomile to the scale and he gave an approving nod, watching her little hands work busily, not shaking. It seemed they'd get through today alright…

He still had the bigger issue to consider though.

It was the main reason for her explosive mishaps, though he'd not confirmed it, for this was something hard to confirm. He was fairly sure though that she still possessed Raw Magic. It was the same Magic imbued in children, the magic that functioned on emotion and thought, that had no structured guidance. Once a young witch or wizard started learning spells their capacity for Raw Magic usually fell, keeping them from the magical outbursts and leaks that were common in childhood.

There were a choice few though who held on to that power, in some it even grew. For that lucky, or unlucky, bunch their magic tended to be particularly explosive and guided by emotions. Many found themselves unable to perform with lighter, delicate spells, losing proficiency in many charms but excelling in those built for offence or the use of raw power.

Many a dark wizard possessed Raw Magic.

She seemed to be the opposite of them though. As long as she was given a spell, something to focus on, she could channel the proper amount of energy into it. It was in subjects like Potions where a wave of the wand gave no written standard of power emission or spell to speak, and in things like Transfigurations where there was little margin for error, say a spike in power, that she struggled. She was just letting loose far too much energy. It was the reason things tended to explode.

They needed to find a way around that, rather, he did since he had not told her of his suspicions. It wasn't that this ability was anything bad but he knew her confidence was not the best, for whatever reason, and that she did not need another reason to feel inadequate or odd.

As she added the ingredients to the cauldron, one after the other, he frowned. Stir twice clock wise and then wave your wand. This was about the time at which her potions fizzled, if they didn't when adding the first few ingredients.

"Ms. Dari" he spoke as she stirred through once.

"Yes?" she kept her eyes on the cauldron and stirred again, then picked up her wand nervously.

"Pretend you are casting the Cheering Charm. That is the amount of power necessary for this particular potion."

Her brows knit together but she nodded, holding her wand above the heated pot.

She waved it once, the tip shining, and then set it down, inching slightly away from the desk.

Snape leaned forward, looking into the potion. It turned from its previous, creamy yellow to light blue, the color it was supposed to be exactly.

She had done it. She had brewed her first potion.

"Congratulations Ms. Dari" he said, voice betraying a bit of pride. Two crystal vials came flying into his waiting hand and he ladled out the potion, corked the bottles, and set them before her. "This potion is a success."

She gazed at the little blue vials wide eyed, mouth hanging slightly agape. Really? Really, really, really? Did those two little vials really exist? Had she made that blue liquid inside? Really…

"Yes!" She jumped up excitedly from her seat, arms in the air. It was the pose of a victorious champion and he almost laughed. "I did it! I did it!" She swung around to face him. "I really, really did it! Thank you Professor! Thank you!"

He cringed when she hugged him, not because it was unpleasant per say but because he was not used to such close and sudden contact, especially not from his students.

"Ms. Dari!" and that was as much of a scolding as he could manage looking down at her smiling face.

She remembered herself however, what she was doing, and let go falling back onto her bottom with a yelp and a laugh.

"S-sorry! Sorry" she smiled and he couldn't help rolling his eyes as the tears gathered and then fell down her smiling, tan cheeks. "Sorry. I'm just so happy!"

He shook his head and held out a hand to help her up. From his sleeve a handkerchief was summoned and he held it out to her.

"Thanks" she sniffled, drying her eyes quickly. She held it back out for him to take but he pushed it back towards her.

"That is yours" he said and she blinked up at him curiously. He gave a small, incredulous smile and elaborated.

"It occurred to me some time ago that you cry too easily Ms. Dari." She pouted.

"It also occurred to me that, regardless of what I say, you will not stop being the impulsive, emotional young woman that you are. I have no qualms about this, only hope that you will not let yourself be hurt as easily as you let yourself love." And that was something he truly meant. She was a girl so vulnerable, so trusting and loving and open with herself. He worried for her, as odd as it seemed, worried that someone would realize her sweetness and take advantage of it, take it away.

She looked a little dumbstruck as he regarded her again and gave a, in his opinion, goofy looking smile. It was… endearing.

"I did however realize that you had nothing better to wipe your tears with than your sleeves when I was not present, and even when I was at times." He certainly didn't look guilty, though he felt just an inkling of it as he thought back to all the shouting and derogatory comments he'd aimed at her over the years.

"And being that it is the customary time for gift giving, I thought I might remedy that… That kerchief is yours" he restated. "I hope you will only find use for it in times of happiness, like this one."

She looked at him, then down at the little square of fabric in her hands. It was white but for the right corner where a chamomile flower was stitched. The sunny yellow of its middle made the whole thing feel happy to her and she hugged it to her chest as she looked back up at him, smiling.

"Thank you so much Professor" she said and was a little sad that she couldn't properly convey her thanks with words. "I just…"a few tears fell and she dabbed them away. "You're amazing."

The fondness in her eyes, the caring reflected there when she looked at him, was so strong and foreign that he didn't quite know what he was looking at for a moment. It was not often that people gazed upon him with such warm and friendly love, such adoration.

"Thank you" he managed to spill out, feeling a bit away from himself at the moment. He nearly jolted when she jumped up in her spot with a quiet exclamation of "oh!" and rushed to her bag.

When she returned a large, leather bound book was in her arms and she was grinning from ear to ear. A few crumpled pieces of parchment stuck out between the pages, a few colorful tabs poked out here and there, but it looked to be in good condition, whatever it was.

She held it out to him, bouncing on the heels of her feet. "Sorry it's not wrapped" she said timidly. "I just got it in the post yesterday."

He regarded the tome with slight curiosity, reading over the title. _Zacharias Hornwell. Potions Theory, Practice, and Development. First Edition. _

His eyes widened. This book was… it was nearly priceless! Hornwell had written this original in the late nineteenth century. Only a small batch had been published and most were destroyed in a long ago crusade against magic. It was a shame because it was one of the first written guides on Potions and had paved the way for many of the modern practices they followed today.

Certainly, there had been copies made since then, modern conveniences were a wonder, but there were only seven of the first editions in existence that he knew of. How had she gotten a hold of it? His eyes asked as much.

"This is my copy" she told him. "I got it for my ninth birthday when I told Uncle Benny I wanted to learn potions. I've read through all of it now, don't use it for much, and daddy still has a copy at home that he got from Uncle Benny too. I thought you might have better use for it."

"Uncle Benny? Ah, no, Ms. Dari I cannot accept something as valuable as this. Perhaps you do not know its worth…"

She frowned. "I do. It's one of seven. My family owns two of the seven… three if you count Uncle Benny's copy, and the others are in museums and other people's libraries. Now you can have a copy in your library too."

She held it forward a little more insistently and he considered taking it.

"This… Uncle Benny. Is he aware of you gifting this to me?"

She nodded. "Him and daddy know, they said it was thoughtful of me."

"Indeed." He took the book in hand, watching her smile grow again. "Might I ask, how did this Benny come to own three copies of the first addition?"

"Inheritance" she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I thought you knew him, Benjamin Hornwell. Zacharias was his, great great grandpa? Three times great? I always forget" she laughed.

"You're related to Benjamin Hornwell?"

"He married my Aunty Cassidy and visits us all the time. He's one of my favorite uncles cause he always brings me books when he comes over and lets me stay in his library all day if I want when I go to his house."

Her fondness for the man was clear and Snape almost smiled. He turned back to the cauldron, gently setting down the book, and filled another vial with the draught. "I assume you will be seeing him this holiday?"

"Yep" she grinned.

"I am sure he would be pleased to see the fruits of your labor as well. And send him my thanks will you?" He handed her the vial and she nodded enthusiastically.

She'd never been so excited! Not even when she'd gotten her letter or been sorted. It seemed odd, it was just a calming draught, but it was something she had worked and worked and worked towards for the last five years of her life and this was one huge step in the right direction, one step farther towards whatever future she might want.

She set the vials in the secure inner pocket of her bag while he went to place his new book somewhere she didn't quite see and then strolled up to his desk.

Was that it? Were they done then?

Her spirits fell as she thought. Now that she'd achieved her goal, did that mean these lessons would stop? Did that mean he wouldn't welcome her around anymore? She'd never given much thought to what might happen after she did what she wanted to do, success had been so inconceivable, but now that it was there in her hand…

He turned back to her, a little confused. She'd stopped short of actually reaching his desk and was looking down at her shoes with a concentrated, somewhat sad frown.

"Something troubling you?" he asked, taken aback by her sudden gloomy demeanor.

She looked up at him, her eyes so open and expressive, he caught all of her emotions in them, still happy, but worried, apprehensive and a little lost.

"Is this… is it the end of this then?"

Her voice was so quiet he would have missed her words if not for the silence in the room.

A few moments ticked by as he regarded her. She'd had the same thought as him then? He too had wondered if, after she met success, she would move on and away from him. It seemed to be the way things went where he was concerned. No one often wanted to be associated with him for long and her questioning threw him slightly.

Did she want these lessons to continue? If she didn't why would she look so sad?

He folded his arms behind him, regarding the small girl standing nervously before him, her shoulders drawn in, head down, eyes up. She looked like that same little first year he'd dragged crying to Madame Pomfrey's so many years ago, looked exactly the same, so unsure and so… so trusting. That gaze, the way she looked up at him said 'I trust you to do what's good for me' and that's what it had always said, he just hadn't realized it.

Someone trusted him, trusted him the spy… He would not betray that trust.

"What course of action would you like to take Ms. Dari?" Would she stay or go? Dance out of his life, become just another student in the front row, or stay and continue to grow? Continue to become more of a person to him. He wasn't sure which he would prefer. Times were getting dark and those close to him often suffered. He did not want to put her in harm's way but, he supposed, she was already there if she associated with both Harry and Draco. It was a thin line she walked. Would he stretch it thinner?

"Do… Do you want me around?" Her timid voice broke through his thought and he regarded her with that same incredulousness she so often warranted. The things she said!

"Would I be giving you the option to stay if I didn't?" he replied smartly and she looked down, realizing her own folly with a slight, humorless laugh.

Why was she so unsure of herself? A girl with talent and potential she was but with no confidence she would get in her own way he knew. She was doing it now as she stood, biting her lip and trying to say what she wanted. He decided to help her, ease her along.

"If you wished to continue with these sessions, perhaps in preparation for your O.W.L's, I would not object." She wanted a solid answer, there one was. He would not object to her continued visits. How much more direct could he get with this, short of shouting 'just stay!' which he was not going to do.

It had about the same effect though and she smiled a little.

"I'd like that."

He nodded. "That is what we will do then."

Her smile grew and she pushed her fingers together in a shy and fidgety gesture. "Thank you Professor…" Her hands dropped to tug at the hem of her sweater and he wondered what she was planning.

It took quite a bit of effort to keep a straight face when she asked "can I… Can I have a hug please?"

He just stared for a moment, gauging her level of seriousness. This was a legitimate request and he frowned. "Wasn't the one enough Ms. Dari?" he asked. Regardless of how much he cared for her, he was not a fan of physical contact.

"That one didn't count" she insisted. "You didn't hug me back."

She pouted and he continued his stony stare. It was an eye to eye battle that neither of them wanted to loose and he had to commend her, not many students could keep is gaze for so long.

Eventually though she sighed and looked down, conceding defeat. "Alright, alright. I suppose I was hoping for too much" she laughed and let her eyes drift to the clock on the wall. "And I guess I should head out. Just twenty minutes till curfew and I don't want _her _to catch me."

She kicked at the floor and turned to go collect her things. He followed behind, intent on walking her out as he sometimes did.

She shouldered her bag and they wandered to the door. She still looked a touch dejected as she reached for the handle.

"Have a Merry Christmas okay Professor?" she asked, giving him a smile.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her thin shoulders, squeezing her gently. It was an unusual sensation, hugging someone, and when her small arms came up to wrap around his waist he wondered if it had always been so warm. Her head rested on his chest, just over his heart, and he swallowed hard.

"You as well, Ms. Dari" he spoke quietly before letting go and stepping back. "I will see you upon your return."

This smile wasn't goofy, just warm and very happy, a little giggle escaped her when she noticed his somewhat nervous appearance. "Yeah… See you then."

Her smiled turned to a grin and she pulled the door open, disappearing down the dim corridor.

He stepped back into the room once she was out of sight, closed the door, and rested against it.

What was wrong with that girl? And what was wrong with him, indulging her like that?

He sighed. She was like a little flame, attracting the most broken of people, drawing them in… comforting them. Her joy spread like warmth and got under the skin, leaving an impression on one's heart and mind, leaving an impression on him…

He left the door and returned to his desk, intent on grading a few more papers before retiring. Before he did that though he removed the book from a drawer and decided to look through it.

An envelope greeted him, sitting on the first page, his name scrawled on it in her distinctive messy handwriting. With nothing better to do he picked it up and opened it, pulling the folded parchment inside it free. It read:

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_I hope you can get as much use out of this book as I have and more. It means a lot to me, and you mean a lot to me too so I thought this would be a good match._

_I really want to say thank you for all the help you've given me over the years. I know I can get annoying sometimes, I'm not always that bright, and I tend to destroy things but you haven't given up on me and I can't thank you enough._

_You're the best teacher I've ever had and I hope I can keep learning from you. _

_Merry Christmas!_

_Love Lauren _

He read it twice, then three times, then four, setting it down after the fifth read through. He'd been thrown after that second sentence and it had taken a while for him to wrap his mind around the rest of the letter. He wanted to throttle her for, once again, putting herself down. She needed to learn some self-worth, but her words touched him in a way that was unusual and… pleasant.

Setting the letter aside he began to go through the book, flipping to marked pages where she'd left him notes and a few more letters where she would compare the subject matter upon the page to something he had taught her. Some of them were quite humorous and he never got around to doing that grading, instead he retired with a cup of tea and his book for a thoroughly enjoyable night.

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**So? What do ya think? I got warm fuzzies while I was writing it, really hope I didn't get too terribly OOC with things though. XD I might've and I'm sorry if I did. **

**If you've got any questions, comments or advice send them my way~ And if not have a good day/night/other! **


	9. Little Miss Lovely

**Chapter 9! Year 6. The first day of school, Snape and Lauren spend some quality time together. Interesting conversations are had, plans are made, and he realizes how much she's grown. **

**Very heavily focused on Snape's thoughts but also on their interaction. Next Chapter will be focused more on Lauren's. **

**I decided not to linger anymore on fifth year though there was a lot more I could have added, and to skip over the battle in the Department of Mysteries, though it will be talked about only slightly in this chapter. It was, I felt, a little too dark and heavy for this story but I have decided that, once this one is done I'll be doing one on a larger scale that focuses more upon the original plot and actions and will go more in depth with character interactions and the such. **

**Sorry if this chapter seems a little sudden or jarring because of that. I may go back and change things around, maybe insert another chapter between this one and the last, or I might add the battle and her reaction to it as a one shot, but for now I think I like this. **

**As always I'd like to thank PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien and new story follower Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11 who left a review that I very much appreciated. =3 I hope you all enjoy this next chapter and all the ones after it. **

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Chapter 9 – Little Miss Lovely

She had changed after the battle in the Department of Mysteries. It wasn't anything drastic, at least on the surface. Most people would not notice, did not notice. It was subtle, almost nonexistent in some aspects, but clear to anyone who knew her.

Severus had picked up on it right away. Shortly after she'd gone back to normal, for she had gone through something he suspected to be more than shock or a mental break down, that first day she was back in his class. He had noticed the clear vacancy in her eyes, not the dreamy look he associated with her day dreaming but a mirthless emptiness that made her green eyes glaze over.

It had disturbed him greatly and on several occasions he had questioned her, ordered her to tell him what was wrong but she never did, never could. Every inquiry was met with a confused and vacant gaze, as if the memory had been obliviated. A few times, when his prodding had gotten to be too much, she started to cry and would not stop for some time.

In these moments she had pleaded with him, begged him to understand, to understand and stay. She insisted that she didn't know anything, that she couldn't know anything and several times said that things were 'open.' He could find no sane meaning to this and she usually fell into babbling incoherencies afterwards, unable to articulate anything nearing intelligent.

When the summer came upon them she left him with a smile and the words "things are closing now."

He hoped it meant she was getting better, but he could not be sure. Every attempt to peek into her mind left him in mild pain. Whatever was there had been too scrambled and chaotic to sift thought and once, to his horror, something had thrown him out. Now he'd have to confirm her wellbeing today, the first, active, day of school.

At breakfast he had seen her, sitting at the Ravenclaw table and chatting animatedly with a group of friends, Ms. Lovegood and several first years included. From afar all seemed well with her and he was pleased, he only hoped that looks were not deceiving and that when she walked through the door of his new class room she would be the cheerful, bubbly young woman he had grown used to, had grown to care for.

He drummed his fingers lightly on the desk top as he waited, watching the door for the first arrivals to his sixth year Defense against the Dark Arts class. He couldn't say that he was excited to see them, but he was glad that he finally had the position he'd been vying for for the last five years. Maybe now he could teach those brats something useful.

The door creaked open and a mop of dusty brown hair came into his line of view. It was followed by a chocolate face dotted with freckles, smiling green eyes, and a grin. Close behind came a petite body, dressed in robes that miraculously fit, with waving hands.

"Professor!" she quipped excitedly, rushing into the room to stand before him. "Happy first day of school! How was your summer?"

He managed a slight, sarcastic smile. "Comparatively better than teaching first years."

She laughed and looked up at him fondly. "I suppose that's good."

"And how was your own?"

"Oh fine" she nodded. "Went to Italy, then Egypt, then New York, then came home for a while. Spent some time with my aunt, then my grandma, then went home again and lazed around… I missed you."

His eyebrows traveled upward. That was certainly new coming from a student, though he supposed she was a bit more than an average student. "Sounds riveting" he supplied. "Take a seat."

Other students were beginning to arrive and he thought it better to pick up any conversation later.

While she went to take a seat, front row, first seat to the left from the middle, he watched her. She had certainly grown and matured, in appearance at least, over the summer. There was an extra inch to her height, her hair was longer, just past her shoulder blades, and she'd taken to straightening it and keeping it down out of its usual pigtails. Her face was much the same, still round and soft, but those large, overly thick glasses had been replaced with a slightly smaller, square framed pair.

None of the changes were drastic but they did wonders in making her look less like a twelve-year-old and closer to the fifteen, two days from sixteen, that she actually was. It was a step away from her usual cute and towards the loveliness he knew she was growing into.

She smiled at him from her desk, eyes bright and alert, and he decided that she had, for the most part, gone back to normal, perhaps matured a bit in mind as well as body.

Class went by with no problems other than Potter being Potter, Granger being Granger, and Weasley being Weasley. When the bell rang they all vacated the room and went off to lunch, all but Lauren who had gotten used to being called to stay after class. He hadn't even had to do it, a nod before lecture started had sufficed.

Now she was standing in front of him all smiles and happiness and he conjured her usual chair.

"So" she beat him to the word "get up to anything interesting while I was gone?"

He folded his hands on the table top and thought about it. "I finished mulling over the book. It was always hard to find time to read with papers to grade. Your notes were, as usual, very interesting and…" another, barely there half smile quirked his lips "your letters were amusing, even the ones I read more than once."

She beamed at him. "I'm glad. I was a little worried they were kinda stupid."

He rolled his eyes. "Have more confidence in yourself you daft girl."

"Maybe I would if you'd stop calling me daft" she teased and he could hardly believe those words had come out of her mouth. Standing up to him was she? Interesting.

"I'll stop when you stop" he contended.

"I'll stop when _you _stop" she replied.

His brows rose up to hide under his hair and she began laughing.

"I missed you so much Professor!" she giggled. "I hardly got to see you before summer so it feels like it's been forever since we've talked."

"It's hardly been forever Ms. Dari" he said, shooting down her exaggeration. He was in good spirits though, to see she really was back to herself and that he had not been the only one to note the other's absence before and during the summer. "It is nice to see you again however."

She pushed at her bangs and rested her head on her open palm, gazing at him fondly. "Glad you think so" she told him happily. "Kinda sad you're not my potions professor anymore. Does that mean you won't still tutor me?"

"You do not like Slughorn?" A part of him wanted her to say no.

"I've only just met him" she laughed, though a part of her was saying no, "and he seems nice but…" she frowned and sat straight again. "He's not you."

Severus was sure his eyebrows were going to get stuck in his hairline with all the raising they were doing today.

"Most students would see that as a step up."

"I'm not most students." She said it with the same finality as he had in her third year when he'd let her know that he was not those other people she could easily lie to, not one of those people who would take her pathetic lies and excuses at face value. It surprised him a little and he nodded in response.

"No, you most certainly are not."

She smiled at him again, leaning back in her chair, looking victoriously smug. He would have laughed if he was anyone else because she had absolutely nothing to be smug about, but wasn't that her way? She found little victories in everything. It was one of her more endearing qualities and he was glad she kept it as she grew.

"You didn't answer my question by the by" she said after a moment of silence had passed between them.

"No I did not" he acknowledged. "Your first two periods are free, are they not?"

"Answering a question with a question? Not fair" she pouted, crossing her arms as she slumped in her chair. Oh good lord that pout. When would she stop with it? Why wouldn't she grow out of it?

"Did I ever agree to fair play?" His face was neutral but his tone was positively devilish. Did she detect a hint of teasing? Almost like Draco, only more subtle. Maybe it was a Slytherin thing? Her arms crossed over her chest and she frowned.

"Another question!" she gave him an exasperated sigh and he continued his solid stare. He was quite enjoying this little game, if it even was one. They had, a few times, engaged in talk like this, a forceful back and forth, but not in quite a while and not for too long. She usually backed down much faster and did not fall into further promptings. Despite his earlier jab it seemed she had gained some confidence and he had to wonder where from.

Their eyes met, onyx to green, held for a long, unblinking moment, then broke away as she looked down into her lap.

"No, you didn't and yes, they are." Ah, he'd won this round. How fun. But why then was he giving her a prize. Unsure, he still answered.

"My preparatory period is first, second I deal with the small, unwashed masses." She made a noise suspiciously close to a snort and he continued talking. "If you agree to be my assistant I suppose I could be bothered to bring my potions equipment and teach you a few times a week."

"I'm sure the firsties bathe Professor" she giggled again. "And I'd be happy to help with them but" she gave a sly smile and continued sarcastically "I'd hate to inconvenience you like that. Perhaps I should just leave you to grading all those papers on your own and stay out of your hair."

He shrugged "perhaps that would be the better course of action. Lest I have you smear their papers all over your face."

She made another noise he wasn't sure counted as human and blushed. So she did remember that part of her fevered fourth year night.

"I'll have you know I haven't fallen asleep on one of my papers in… more than two weeks!" she said it with a confidence the pathetic reply did not warrant and he gave her a gaze she thought might just be teasing. "Anyway, I know that nifty spell and, I suppose I could be bothered to grade a few papers and escort a few clumsy kids to Madam Pomfrey's every morning, as long as I'm getting compensated… Shall I start tomorrow?"

"Eager? "

"All the time" she grinned, pushing at the glasses slipping down her nose.

"Hm… I hope you will remember that tables are not a proper place to sleep." His gaze was practically devilish now too as he watched her from over his laced fingers. She pouted; face flushed as she crossed her arms again and looked away with an indignant huff.

"I had a fever okay!"

He laughed and if it hadn't been for the quiet in the room she wouldn't have heard it. It was a soft little noise, just a single 'ha' and he was done, but he had laughed. Professor Severus Snape had just laughed.

Obviously this was a sign of the apocalypse, but she couldn't be much bothered to care. All she could really do was stare at him with that same goofy smile she'd smiled Christmas of last year and think about how amazing the man in front of her was and how happy she was to be a part of his life.

It was weird that something as simple as a laugh could make her think that but, when he was someone who didn't laugh much, it really meant the world. It meant he was comfortable enough to let that slip free, to be at least a little happy around her, not apathetic.

He stared right back, amused by that smile, amazed by himself and her for penetrating his defenses and getting him to this point. Perhaps it was a little sad to say, but she was the closest thing he'd had to a friend in many, many years. And it wasn't because he'd sought her out as one either. If anything he had wanted distance from the little girl who so closely mirrored himself. He wanted to comfort her yes, to save her from a life of pain, but never in his plans had he foreseen this connection… whatever it was.

He had never planned to know her as a person, as a girl who loved sugar quills, who danced in the rain, sang in the windows, and carried a blanket in her bag. He did not know he would meet a girl who was afraid of the dark but who willingly held the hands of those walking at the edge of shadow and tried to lead them back to the light, who would follow a foolish boy faithfully into a battle they had nearly no chance of winning, plunge herself into that darkness she so feared for a friend. He had not expected to meet a girl who would admire and adore a bitter, cold, callous old man who so often made her cry and offered no apology for doing so.

He never thought he would know Lauren, had never imagined, but he was glad he did. Watching her grow and bloom into a wonderful young woman made him happy. It was a rare and beautiful feeling. Seeing that heart of hers touch the others he so worried for, and he did worry for them, but could not tell gave him comfort and hope, hope that things might end better than he thought.

His gaze dropped away from her face as he thought about that dark future he envisioned. Did she know about Draco? About the task he had, or about the vow Snape had made? He was sure she didn't, how would she? She was so innocent in all of this, there but not… She had only scratched the surface really… She could get out.

When he looked at her again a touch of sorrow filled his eyes. How much longer could this continue? How much longer could he keep himself in her light…? If he didn't pull away soon, if all of them didn't, she would be caught in the middle. The Dark Lord was unforgiving and one could not have two sides.

Her head tilted to the side in that peculiar way that had it nearly touching her shoulder and her mouth tugged down in a little frown. It was a dreadfully sweet, dreadfully sad expression that he wished she would stop making.

"Something wrong?" she asked, oblivious to his thoughts. "You look sad."

He took a deep breath and turned his eyes to the clock. There was only ten minutes left to lunch, he was hungry.

"Just a stray thought" he supplied. "We've nearly missed lunch. Shall I have a House Elf bring you something as well?"

"Ah" she looked at the clock, realized the time, and brought her head down onto the table top a bit forcefully.

"A terrible habit Ms. Dari" he observed while she muttered into the wood.

"Can I have a cheese sandwich and some chamomile?"

"Certainly."

For a little longer, just a little longer, he wanted to stay in this lovely, lovely light.

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**How'd I do? This chapter was really fun for me to write so I hope you all found it fun to read as well. Once again, I know it might be a touch sudden. If it is I'm sorry and would be happy to hear any suggestions on how to make this interaction slightly more gradual, if you think it needs to be. **

**As I'm typing this I'm starting to very strongly consider inserting the Department of Mysteries Chapter because it might explain some of this closeness a little better, but for now I'm not going to because, as I said before, it's a touch dark and as it sort of wanders into sketchy territory in respects to Lauren's integrity as a character. (That's my nice way of saying it might be a little sue-esque, or very depending on your personal definition of a sue) **

**If anyone thinks that that chapter would be beneficial to have though, let me know and I'll probably post it as either a one shot or an insert between this chapter and the last. **

**Also, if you have any questions, comments, or advice as to how I can get better, drop a review or pm! And if not, thanks for reading. Have a good day/night/other~ **


	10. Little Miss Nosey

**Chapter 10! Year 6. Slughorn's a jerk, Snape answers questions, Lauren blows up a wall. **

**I am being so misleading right now. XD Oh, but, hey guys! Guess what? Ten Chapters and fifty three pages! I'm always excited when a story hits the big five o so I'm excited! **

**I really wanna thank everyone who's read, reviewed, watched, or favorited because it's made the experience all the sweeter for me. I hope you guys will continue to stick around and enjoy, ask me questions, and send me comments.**

**Um, if you didn't know there's a companion story to this peace now, Hands in the Darkness, it's complete and fills in for the Department of Mysteries battle. **

**Oh, and I'd like to thank in particular PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, and Readergirl99.**

**You all are amazing and I hope you can feel at least a little bit of my happiness at this moment. **

**Also, thanks to the random readers~ Hope you enjoy. =3**

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Chapter 10 – Little Miss Nosey

Lauren did not like Slughorn at all… Well no, that was false. As a person she thought he was okay, perhaps a little nervous, but nice, well meaning. She did not like him as a teacher however. He was far too lenient with her, with her mistakes. No extra work because she had botched a potion, no detention or reprimanding. He just paired her with Luna and kept moving, didn't try to address the issue, didn't try to help her get better.

She was very sure that if he had been her potions professor from the beginning she never would have learned anything. He was so dismissive about everything… well except for Harry and Hermione being in his class. They were obviously the favored students and, while she harbored no jealousy for this it was a little irksome that he would throw her education under the proverbial bus.

He was just… she didn't even know what he was, but he was coming towards her, wearing that same amiable smile he always did.

"Off to class Ms. Dari?" he asked cheerfully.

"Ah, no sir. I'm free for first. Going to go bother someone" she smiled back.

"Oh? Well, if you have a moment may I talk with you about something?"

"Certainly" she nodded.

They took a seat on a nearby bench and his face took on a slightly less cheerful appearance.

"Now" he began "my dear girl. This is about your performance in my class."

She blinked, not sure if she liked where this was going.

"I understand that you received an Outstanding on your O.W.L for potions and I won't challenge those results but" he paused, frowning. "Well I can't help but think that potions may not be for you. This is very advanced stuff we are working on you know and so far you haven't completed one assignment properly."

She definitely didn't like where this was going.

"Perhaps you should transfer out?" he suggested gently, resting a hand on her shoulder.

She most definitely did not like Slughorn.

She took a deep breath, stood up, and turned away from him. It took quite a bit of effort to drag her emotions under control and as he questioned quietly "Ms. Dari" she turned and gave him the brightest, fakest smile she could manage.

"Could we perhaps talk about this some other time, Professor Slughorn?" she requested. "Perhaps have an academic meeting for me with a few of my other teachers? I hate to say so but your class isn't the only one I'm struggling in, maybe you all could think of something to help me."

He smiled kindly, accepting the lie without pause. "Of course dear girl. I'll round them all up at lunch and we'll plan a date."

"Thank you" she continued to beam. "I'll see you in class then."

"Yes, see you then" he patted her on the back and walked away, blissfully unaware of the daggers she was glaring into the back of his skull.

When he turned the corner she dashed off, running as fast as she could to her previous destination.

She gathered a few stares as she went, though not many as she'd gained the reputation for being odd and doing odd things. Anyway, at this speed no one could see the tears in her eyes or hear her pathetic sniffling, and even if they could, they were busy trying to get to class.

She came skidding to a halt before the door and pulled it open with more force than was necessary, running inside.

Snape was standing at the front of the room, looking startled, which was amazing since he was never startled, and she was even more upset that she couldn't appreciate it.

She tugged the door shut behind her and ran up to his desk, hesitating before she actually got to him. She thought better of tackling him in a hug and simply stood there, hands shaking from nervousness and anger, eyes burning, stomach doing uneasy flips.

He stared down at her and she looked up at him, pleading him with her eyes to please not ask, please just, just do… something. Please just do something to make her feel better and don't ask because she didn't want to talk about it or think about it or acknowledge that it had happened at all for the next few minutes at least.

He conjured her chair and she fell into it gracelessly, watching with blurry eyes as he disappeared into a back room.

He came back a few minutes later with a tea tray, she could smell chamomile, and she smiled.

He set it down and poured her a cup, half tea half cream, two sugar cubes and a spoonful of honey, just like she liked it and she smiled a little more.

She pulled out her kerchief, wiping her eyes before she picked up the cup and took a sip. It warmed her and calmed her, and she took a deep breath, leaning back in the chair with a sigh.

He sat across the desk from her, drinking his own tea, watching her from over the top of his cup, waiting for her to speak.

She'd noticed that over the years he had gotten more patient with her, less demanding but still as stern. She thought that, maybe he'd gone from being annoyed by her to actually maybe, caring a little. It was a nice thought that she sometimes entertained when she was down and that made her feel a little better.

She took another sip and met his eyes, muttering softly "I don't like Slughorn."

"Oh?"

She shook her head and set her cup down, arming away the tears that wanted to try and start again. "He told me I should drop out of potions" she sighed and watched the look in Snape's eyes grow cold.

It still scared her a little how quickly and easily that look could come and with it trained on her she shrunk down in her seat, eyes going to her lap.

"How did you respond?" his cool voice spoke and she felt a little more at ease despite herself. He didn't sound angry, at least not at her, and his voice, regardless of what it was saying, had gotten become a sort of soother to her subconscious mind.

It made it easier for her to look up at him and answer, smiling a little bitterly as she spoke. "I asked if we could talk about it later. I smiled and lied and said I wasn't doing well in most of my classes. I don't know why. He believed me though, which is sort of insulting, and agreed to an academic meeting… Will you… will you talk to him?"

"Certainly" he said.

She smiled. "Thank you… for the tea too. You know just how I like it."

Her laugh was soft and still a little sad and he offered her one of his rare smiles. "It is no problem Ms. Dari."

"Still" she sighed. "Thank you."

She felt so much better with him here. It was odd, to others at least, but his presence was comforting. Just being around him made her feel secure, like nothing could hurt her, like no one could hurt her. He was a safe place, a safe person who would protect her with all the strength and knowledge she knew he possessed.

Somewhere in the back of her mind a memory tried to tickle her brain, tried to break through the fog of her thoughts. Strong, gentle hands, a familiar voice, so sad and worried… It was gone as fast as it came and she was confused. Where...?

She sipped at her tea again and sat in the silence of the room with him. He was watching her with that focused gaze again and she wondered what he was thinking. What did he think of, deep, profound things, happy things, sad things?

It occurred to her that he knew more about her than most people, most of her friends, and that to her he was a complete enigma. She knew nearly nothing, but she wanted to know more, maybe everything… She wanted to know him, this man she called Professor and counted, privately, as a friend, this man who held such a tender place in her heart.

She loved him, very much. Had since second year when he took the time to ask her what was wrong. In the last few months the line of platonic and romantic had started to blur but she didn't pay it much mind. She counted the two as nearly the same, one simply implying more intimacy. It didn't matter anyway; regardless of what she felt he probably wouldn't return it and she wouldn't address it.

He was a wonderful man though. She wanted to know him better.

"What's your favorite tea?" she asked suddenly and watched with a spark of amusement as his brow quirked up.

"Black. Why?"

"You always make me Chamomile, I thought maybe I could bring your favorite some time."

He hummed softly in that way he tended to when she said something agreeable. "That would be nice."

She smiled and looked down into her empty cup, nodding. "It's the least I can do… Mind if I ask another question?"

"I suppose not."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Green."

"House pride?" she giggled.

"Nostalgia" he replied.

"Favorite food?"

He took a pause, considering. "I am partial to stew."

"Me too!" she cheered. "Favorite class… When you were a student I mean."

"Potions. DADA was a close second."

"Favorite time of day?"

"Dusk."

"Season?"

"Fall."

"Uh… Forest or seaside?"

"Seaside."

"Camping or hotel?"

"I have never been camping."

"Really? Maybe we should go some time" she laughed. "There's a really nice spot that my cousins take me too, there's a lake close by with turtles and a cliff that makes you feel really close to the sky."

"It sounds lovely" he supplied, smiling faintly again. He was not completely sure if wandering into the woods with her would be wise but it did sound nice.

She hummed thoughtfully, trying to think of another question to ask him. There was one on the tip of her tongue but-

"Why do you put up with me?"

It was out before she could stop it and she looked bashfully at her lap. She hadn't meant to say that and now things were going to be awkward. Twiddling her thumbs she hoped that maybe he would just disregard it, but she was actually very curious. Why would he put up with her? Sure she'd made progress, was a little better at her potions, but she was still pretty bad at them. She felt just as hopeless with these things as she had in her first year and Slughorn had confirmed all of her worst fears.

Maybe she wasn't cut out for Potions…

"I do not put up with you." His voice pulled her from her negative musings and she met his onyx eyes, peering at her from over his laced fingers. "To put up with you would imply that I find you unpleasant in some way. There are certainly aspects of your personality that I do not enjoy, but I find you to be a pleasant person and someone I am glad to associate with."

She blinked and he cocked his head up slightly, resting his palms on the desk. "Might I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why do _you_ put up with _me_?"

She blinked and looked down again, smiling shyly. "I don't put up with you either. I told you last year, in the letter, remember? I care about you." And her heart skipped a beat as she said it, destroying the barrier between plutonic and romantic, blowing it up with a ton of dynamite.

She wondered if he knew how true her words were, wondered if he felt any of the things she felt. Of course he didn't. Then she wondered if his words were true, realized he didn't lie, and felt a happy warmth in her chest.

He watched her from his seat, eyes unmoving, and she wondered again what he was thinking. A whole string of questions and she still knew virtually nothing about him… That was, okay though.

"One more question?" she asked.

"Is there any good reason for me to say no?"

She giggled and met his eyes. "Do you think I'm hopeless? Should I… Should I drop out of Potions?"

"Daft girl" he sighed. "Would you really throw away all of your hard work, all of our hard work, because of something a foolish old man said?"

She fidgeted slightly, feeling foolish herself. "I'm sorry."

He rolled his eyes. "You have never been hopeless. Regardless of what anyone, myself included, has said. You are a young woman with potential."

She smiled, just a little, and he looked at her pointedly.

"You are, however, still as much of a fool as you have always been."

"H-Hey!" she spluttered.

"Have some confidence in yourself, trust your own judgments and then maybe I will stop calling you a fool" he challenged.

She rolled her eyes "and what do I have to do for you to stop calling me daft?"

"Hm… I think that may be a permanent title."

"Professor!" she whined and as she did the bell rang. They had spent all of first block talking. So much for helping him grade those papers today.

With a sigh he collected their tea things and took them away. She stood, stretching with a yawn, and dragged her chair around his desk, ready to sit there and watch class go on.

She was rather sure that they'd be doing practice today so she wouldn't be sitting much but at least it got the distraction out of the way… One distraction anyway.

He came walking back in and she watched with a small smile as he wrote the lesson on the board.

There were a lot more questions she wanted to ask him, more generalities, and more personal questions. She wanted to ask more of what he thought of her and why, and she wanted him to ask her about her thoughts on him. She wanted to know him, know him as a little more than her teacher, maybe a little more than her friend?

The likely hood was small, but she could dream.

She could dream and ask questions.

* * *

**So, what do you think? I've never written for Slughorn before and he wasn't a terribly interesting character to me so I dunno if I got him down but I feel like he's a well meaning but cowardly kind of guy who only looks out for himself and people who interest him so that's how I put him down. **

**As I promised this chapter focused more on Lauren's thoughts and viewpoint and, as you can see, the wall she blew up was the wall of platonic feelings! Someone's got a crush! XD Let's all tease her! No, no I'm terrible. **

**Anyway, hope you all could enjoy. I'm working on the next chapters as we speak though I'm not sure which ones will go where so no more posting till tomorrow. **

**I might go with showing the academic meeting, in which Slughorn gets pwnd! Or I might just skip over to Draco angst and maybe a bit of Harry angst.**

**Comments, questions, advice or suggestions? Send em my way! All reviews will be read, appreciated and taken into consideration while I write. =3 And if you have nothing to say or just don't wanna take the time, thanks for reading anyway! Have a good day/night/other!**


	11. Little Miss Actress

**Chapter 11! Year 6. Slughorn get's pwnd, Lauren wins an Oscar, and Snape wonders what the sorting hat did when confronted with her mind. **

**Due to popular demand I went ahead and wrote in the academic meeting chapter~ The pwnage level of Slughorn might not be as high as it could be but it was still pretty fun to write and I hope you all can enjoy it. **

**As always I'd like to thank PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, who is one of the lovely people who requested this chapter, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, who left a lovely review for HftD so thankies for that, Readergirl99, who also requested this chapter, and DrainaPurpurne2412, my newest favoriter. **

**And thanks to random readers too. You guys are awesome! Enjoy~**

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Chapter 11 – Little Miss Actress

The Academic meeting was about to start. Lauren wasn't too terribly nervous but she made sure to look it, twiddling her thumbs and looking down at her lap as the teachers around her settled themselves. Every one of her teachers was there with the exception of the ghost who taught History of Magic, he was bound to his room, and Professor Snape, which did worry her a little.

She was fairly sure he was her only shot at staying in Potions and if he didn't show up, well, she'd look like a fool now wouldn't she?

To her left was Flitwick, to her right an empty seat and then Slughorn. Directly in front of her was Headmaster Dumbledore, he sent her a kind smile when she peeked up at him from under her bangs and she felt a little better.

"Licorice?" he offered, pushing a little bowl towards her. She shook her head "no thank you" and gave a shy smile back.

He nodded, surveying his mostly full office, and clapped his hands together.

"Well, it seems Professor Snape is running late. In the meantime perhaps we should get started. You have some concerns with your performance in class do you Ms. Dari?" he asked.

She nodded and continued to look down into her lap. "Yes sir. I…" she bit her lip. "I just don't feel like I'm doing well at all. I mean, I try very hard and I was hoping that would be enough but-" she sniffled, cue crying, then looked up with watering eyes "when Professor Slughorn let me know I wasn't doing well in Potions I realized that trying hard just wasn't going to cut it."

She let a few tears slip free and armed them away with her childishly long sleeves. She'd dressed a few sizes bigger this evening like she used to so that she'd appear smaller and younger again.

"I'm sure that… that if I'm performing badly in his class I must be doing so in all my other classes too."

She armed away a few more tears and discreetly looked around the room under her sleeve. Yes, she most certainly had their pity now. She wins the Oscar!

Mutedly she realized that this was a very manipulative thing she was doing and that she should be ashamed, there was a part of her that was just a little bit, but mostly she's proud of herself. She still has it!

The chair to her right is suddenly filled with a mass of black and she gives a startled jump at the sight of Professor Snape.

The man pays her no mind, instead handing over a large file full of papers to Slughorn.

Once the papers have exchanged hands he stands up and looks around the room, eyes stopping for a moment on her before coming to rest on Dumbledore.

"I feel that Ms. Dari's worries are falsely placed" he supplied shortly. "In my class at least she has been performing to an acceptable level, is diligent in her work, and seeks help when appropriate." His eyes travel back to Slughorn, peeking curiously into the file, and he begins again when their eyes meet.

"And perhaps you were not aware, but she is passionate about Potions and brilliant at Potions theory. If you were to give any written homework that would be obvious but since you have not I have included within that file her notes, papers, and tests from the last five years for you to review as proof. She does have problems when it comes to brewing yes but I have been tutoring her personally on the matter for the last two years." He gave a look that was positively scathing and Slughorn seemed to shrink a bit.

"I suggest that in the future you first try to help your students before suggesting they drop a class they enjoy."

Piece said he fell back into his seat and watched her from the corner of his eye. She was looking at him shyly still from under her bangs and giving a watery smile.

Sly little raven, he nearly smirked while Slughorn tried to find a rebuttal.

In the meantime Flitwick hopped down from his seat to say his peace as well.

"I agree with Snape." It was something the small man never thought he'd hear himself saying but there was a first for everything. His eyes went to Lauren, looking at him curiously, and he smiled. "You have nothing to worry about dear. Your grade has always been and will always be an O where I am concerned so long as you continue performing as you have. I can hardly believe you would think you were doing badly. You're a brilliant girl and this meeting is completely pointless in my own opinion!"

He gave a solid nod and sat himself back down. Lauren smiled a little more and rubbed at her face again. This was going better than expected.

"Really? Oh… thank you, I'm glad I'm doing alright in at least two of my classes."

And then came the rest of the meeting, her remaining teachers, sans Slughorn, confirming each other's words. She didn't have anything less than an A in any class and in most of them she had an O or an E.

Perhaps she was being pretentious but she felt positively wonderful at this revelation and loved the look of nervousness on Slughorns face.

Dumbledore regarded the assembly with a smile, folding his hands on the desk before him.

"Well, it seems that everyone's said their piece but you Horace. Anything to add?"

The old man looked up with a nervous smile. "W-Well" he began, looking over to Lauren. "It seems I made some assumptions I shouldn't have and I'm very sorry for that my dear." He swallowed hard and looked into the file again. "What I've read so far is very impressive and I'm sure that with some work and compromise I'll be able to amend your grade… Perhaps you could help me Severus?"

The dark man resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead nodded, satisfying the other.

"Good then" Albus continued to smile. "I suppose we can adjourn this meeting then? Anyone have anything else to add? Ms. Dari?" He raised a brow at her.

She blushed. "I… um… So sorry to waist all of your time like this. But thank you" she smiled softly, pushing her fingers together while the headmaster laughed.

"Think nothing of it. It's good that you are willing to come to us when you feel you are not doing well. Try to have a little more confidence in yourself though, alright?"

"Alright" she gave a little nod and stood with all the rest of them, slowly leaving the room.

She walked down the hall with her head down, still looking the part of a meek little student, and about five minutes later looked up at the man falling in step beside her.

They walked on in silence for several more minutes but as they went her smile grew and grew.

As they turned a corner she burst out laughing and had to stop walking to double over.

He paused and watched her, his lips quirking up in that same devilish smirk as always. "A little actress aren't you?" he asked.

She beamed up at him, calming herself. "I have an aunt in New York who gives me acting lessons. Though it's mostly part of the Dari charm" she winked.

He shook his head. "Surprised you're not in Slytherin..." Which felt odd for him to say because he'd before thought her better suited to Hufflepuff. "How often do you use this skill of yours?"

"Not very" she said. "It's mean to manipulate people. I only do it when I really have to… or when I really don't like someone."

Her grin was one to match his smirk and he was proud to know this girl for not the first time.

"So full of surprises, aren't you?" he asked, continuing his brisk walk.

"Hey, I've gotta keep things interesting somehow!"

* * *

**Ta da! Was it okay? Hope you got at least a little chuckle out of it since I had fun writing it. **

**Bet ya'll didn't know Lauren had a manipulative side. Well she does! It's written into her character sheet and everything. She just tries not to be manipulating when she can be nice and ask for something. It's how a lot of people are I think. **

**=3 Anyway though, next chapter will be up right after this one. I spent the day writing so I've got about four chapters done. I might post one more, I might post two. Either way you'll be getting another one soon so keep a look out! It's Draco centric and a little sad but then we jump back over to Sev... I'll probably post two. XD**

**Questions, comments, advice? Send a review my way! And if not, thanks for reading! Have a good day/night/other~**


	12. Little Miss Worrywart

**Chapter 12! Year 6. Lauren is worried, Draco is stubborn. Just a little feelsy, friendship chapter dealing with Draco's thoughts on his mission and Lauren trying to comfort him. **

**Not much I have to say about it really. Just gonna say thanks to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99 and DrainaPurpurne2412.**

**Hope you all, and random readers, can enjoy~**

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Chapter 12 – Little Miss Worrywart

Lauren was feeling good. It had been two days since but the memory of the academic meeting was still fresh in her mind.

Slughorn had summarily been put in his place by Snape and no longer looked at her like she was a failure and she'd also gotten an ego boost from Flitwick who had asked her to help him demonstrate the _Augamenti_ charm in class today and boasted that he'd taught it to her in third year. Maybe it made her a pretentious but she liked being told that she was good at something, liked being bragged about for once.

Her mood was further improved when, earlier today, Slughorn extended an invitation to one of his Slug Club meetings. Apparently her papers had made an impression. She had very happily declined, but left in the air her attendance at his Christmas party, which he had also invited her to. He'd made her cry and now she was going to make him sweat, worry over the possible loss of a potential future star… Okay, now she really was getting pretentious. But Snape would be proud!

Since it was the end of her very short day, till Astronomy class anyway, she planned to go see him and assist with grading.

That was the plan, but it was quickly thrown down the toilet when she saw Draco, leaning against a window and looking pensive. Nothing good ever happened when he got that look and she had to go see what was wrong… Well she didn't have to but she'd feel bad if she didn't.

Slowly she walked up behind him, slipping her arms around his waist so that she could press against his back in a gentle hug. It was how she tended to greet him when he looked down and he didn't respond badly.

A chilled hand rested over hers and squeezed. She held a little tighter and smiled against the soft wool of his vest.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You'll start spewing that nonsense about hope again" he scoffed but found it hard to put any malice in his voice. He only sounded tired, tired and a little sad.

"Draco" she urged, knowing that he was just a little ways away from breaking, knowing that he wanted to break and to have someone there to fix him afterwards.

"You don't want to hear it Dari" he supplied, using her last name as a means of distance. Even as he did that, he held her hand a little tighter. Even if he distanced himself in mind, he wanted her there in body, probably wanted anyone there who would just be there and maybe urge him to do what was right.

She sighed, rubbing her cheek against his back as she muttered "but you wanna tell. Don't you, Draco?"

He turned suddenly in her arms, breaking her hold. He advanced on her quickly, backing her up against the far wall of the abandoned corridor they shared.

She gazed up at him when her back hit the stone and she winced when he grabbed her biceps tightly, digging his nails in through the layers of cloth she was garbed in. Something told her that if those weren't there he would have drawn blood.

He didn't ease up though as he leaned down, close to her face. Their noses were less than an inch apart and bumped when he pushed closer still. His lips hovered over hers for a ticking moment and she felt a pang of worry, then they dropped to press against her ear.

"Could you kill someone?" he rasped in a voice so low it was quiet even by her ear. "If your life depended on it, could you, would you? If everyone you knew was forcing you…"

She shook under his grasp but he didn't let her go.

"Well, Lauren" and he practically hissed her name.

"No one can force you."

She swallowed hard then gave a slight cry when he shook her, shoving her hard against the stone wall again.

"Yes they can you delusional little-" His sentence cut off as his seething grey eyes met her green ones, filling with tears but watching him with nothing more than sad disappointment.

"No they can't" she asserted again. "It's your life, your choice. I told you that I know a place-"

"I can't run!" he nearly screamed, dropping her as he turned away.

Her feet had been a bit off of the ground and she lost her balance, falling to her knees with a whimper.

He didn't turn, simply stalked back to the window, slamming his fist hard against the wall beside it.

Through her watery vision she could see red bloom against his fingers and winced for him, disregarding her own pain. She thought that her own scraped knee and bruised arms couldn't hurt half as much as that did and hoped he hadn't just broken a finger or something. If he had he did not make it known. The only evidence of his seething state his quick, uneven breath.

It took little effort for her to get up and she walked up behind him again. Her arms did not go around his waist but instead to his hand.

"Let me see" she requested gently, taking his bleeding hand in hers.

Nothing seemed broken but the skin was split and bruising. Easy enough to heal, she drew her wand and mended things, using _Tergeo_ to clean away the blood.

She kissed the healed skin when she was done and looked up to find his grey eyes watching her, full of so many pained emotions and conflicted feelings. "Draco" she sighed softly and he took away his hand, held it up and pressed it against her lips.

His other hand came up to cover his own mouth and he squeezed his eyes shut trying to collect his thoughts, put out of mind what he'd just done, what he'd just said. What he'd almost said.

"You don't understand" he finally whispered, eyes opening, hands dropping to hang limply at his sides. "You just don't understand."

"I'm trying to" she frowned up at him. "I'm trying to help… Don't you want help?"

"No" he snapped then "yes…" He groaned and sat in the window, head in his hands. "I don't know… You can't help. You don't understand and you can't help" he insisted. "I wish you could."

"I want to." He looked so sad, it was heart breaking. And when he turned those desperate grey eyes on her again she nearly cried.

His hand reached out and wrapped around her wrist, much more gently this time. He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it, reciprocating her earlier action and then a little more as he kissed the inside of her wrist, over the pulse point.

After a lingering moment he yanked her down and into his lap, her back pressed against his front. He wrapped his arms around her middle and held her close, pressed his face into her hair, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

They sat like that for a long while. She could feel his chest hitch every now and again and knew he was crying, very quietly but he was crying… He and Harry cried the same. Though Harry would let her face him and Draco always kept her gaze away.

She placed a hand over his, rubbing the back of one gently. Her other hand went up to rest against the side of his head, fingers clumsily combing through his hair.

In the mostly silence she wondered what was going on. Who was he told to kill and why? What was he thinking letting these people tell him what to do and why wouldn't he just listen to her? She could help him, or at least die trying. It didn't seem like a bad way to go out if she had to, though she didn't want to.

A soft sigh left her and she leaned back against him a little more. He moved his head to her shoulder, tears mostly abated, and she turned her head to kiss his cheek.

"I worry you know?"

"Yeah… I know."

* * *

**So? Thoughts? Hoping I didn't drag Draco out of character. He just seemed so sad all through HBP and I wanted to reflect that there. Sad and angry and confused and wanting someone to be there but not because he's a big boy and he can do this only he can't. That's what I was going for. Did I get it?**

**Anyway, next chapter is back to Sev, happier than this one, and coming up soon. =3**

**Questions, comments, advice? Send em my way! Or not~ Either way have a good day/night/other~**


	13. Little Miss Sweetness

**Chapter 13! Year 6. Lauren and Snape brew a special potion. She learns something new, he has something change. **

**Bittersweet is this chapter, you'll understand why when you read it so I'm not going to say any more.**

**Much thanks to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99 and DrainaPurpurne2412.**

**I hope you all can enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it and get a little kick out of the beginning if you're not Slughorn fans. **

**Thanks to the random readers too! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 13 – Little Miss Sweetness

Snape had an interesting project planned for them that Lauren was excited for and that he was reluctant to go through with.

Thanks to her own shortcomings and Slughorn's previous ignorance to those shortcomings she had failed the _Amortentia_ brewing at the beginning of term. It was a shame because she had been excited for it, if only to see what she would smell, and refused to work on with someone else that first lesson. Since then, a few months ago, she had brought it up every now and again. It was mostly to complain about how girls kept pushing themselves at Harry and other boys but there was a longing undertone in her voice when she talked about it.

For some odd reason he felt it proper to indulge her in this, help her learn a little more, and so had her come back to his class after dinner.

Now the two of them sat side by side, he watching with sharp eyes as she prepared the ingredients and dropped them one by one into the simmering cauldron.

A few times he had to stop her, as usual, but he was glad to see that she needed a little less correcting than before, a little less instruction than before. He was sure that if she kept up at this rate she'd be able to brew on her own by the time she graduated.

He was quite proud of her, even if he didn't say so aloud, and gave a slight smirk as he recalled what she had told him about Slughorn. Severus had never liked his old teacher much. He was a cowardly, self-absorbed man. Not the kind of person to be teaching in his opinion, though he supposed he really shouldn't talk.

His mind focused back on her as she picked up her wand. They had talked about this part before beginning, how much power she should put into it. So far all was well, this was the moment of truth.

She waved her wand and then peered nervously over the edge of the cauldron, the nervousness giving way to a dreamy smile moments later.

She sighed. It was lovely, and a little surprising, the aroma rising up in the misty steam. It smelled like the air right after rain, sea breeze, and something she could not at first place. It was strong and heady, a little bitter, but also full of spice. She could vaguely recall smelling it before, maybe two or three other times. It made her think of warmth and strong arms, a devilish smile…

A blush filled her tan cheeks as she belatedly realized it was the scent of her companion and Professor, Severus Snape. It was the mixed aroma of potions material, soap, and his own personal smell that she had only been close enough to catch a few times or rather had only taken conscious note of a few times. Apparently her subconscious was on the ball though.

Leaning back and away from the lovely stuff she gave another, contented, sigh and looked at him.

He was looking back at her just as intently and she wondered if she had perhaps been leaning over the cauldron for longer than she thought. How stupid had the look on her face been? Her smile right now didn't feel particularly goofy, maybe a bit shy but…

"I think I did it right" she offered. "Pass?"

He nodded but did not say anything, leaning over the cauldron himself. She wondered what he smelled. Was it rude to ask? She wouldn't risk it but she wished she knew.

Whatever it was it made him smile. Just a small smile, and a little sad she thought, but it was still a smile.

When he leaned back he held up a hand to let a crystal bottle, larger than the ones they usually used, fly into his waiting hand. She nearly giggled when she observed the obvious heart shape and wondered why in the world he would own something like that.

He didn't give an answer to this question and she didn't vocalize it, watching instead with rapt attention while he filled it to the top and stoppered it with a round top cork.

"Congratulations Ms. Dari" he said, handing it off. "Is there a young man you plan to torture with your peers? Perhaps Mr. Potter or Draco?"

She laughed aloud then. "No! Why would I?"

"Someone else then?" he quirked a brow and she shook her head.

"I just wanted this so I could see what it smelled like… and maybe give it to my mum for daddy." She smiled fondly as she recalled her parents. Every year around Valentine's Day her father got order after order for this stuff. He only filled a few of them, for buyers he knew were in stable relationships that they only wanted to enhance for a night or so, and he sometimes made it for her mother. She loved _Amortentia_ tea. "It's just for fun" she insisted.

Snape was intrigued. It was very hard for him to believe that a girl like her did not have at least one boy she was interested in, or that she did not have at least one boy interested in her. She wasn't extraordinarily beautiful but she was cute, pretty even when she dressed for her body type. She was sweet and endearing and affectionate to a level that made him uncomfortable and as far as he'd heard enjoyed having a good time when with friends.

"No one you fancy then?" and he had to wonder why he was so terribly interested, though he knew the answer.

She blushed. "I didn't say that…"

He watched her tug her lower lip between her teeth then free it to pout. "I'm not going to drug him though… not all us girls are crazy."

Her arms crossed over her chest and she looked away, obviously flustered.

He considered briefly seeing if he could get any more information out of her, or her mind, and decided against it. Did he really want to know, did he want to know so terribly, terribly bad? Did he want to hurt himself so terribly bad?

A bell chimed and they noticed the change of the hour.

It was curfew now and he already had a note written, having anticipated the length of time this potion would take to brew.

They cleaned up their workstation, she packed her things away and then started for the door.

"Good night Professor" she called over her shoulder.

"Good night Ms. Dari" he called back, not moving his gaze from the steaming cauldron. There was enough of the potion left to fill another bottle and he ladled it in with a deep breath and a sad, longing sigh.

The smell of leather bound books and the cinnamon shampoo Lilly used in her hair wafted towards him, two of the three things he remembered from his first brewing of Amortentia. The third was new but still familiar, replacing the smell of dried roses people used in potpourri.

He looked up in time to see her back disappear through the door and closed his eyes as she blinked away behind the wood, letting the scent of Chamomile fill her absence.

* * *

**Bittersweet right? I didn't know what his real Amortentia was so I made it up, obviously. I thought he might enjoy the smell of books, his house is apparently covered in them, and notice that I didn't strike Lilly out completely. As someone who's been in love, several times, you never really get rid of the feelings. If you love someone truly you always will and I didn't want to mess with that. Why cinnamon? She just seemed like the kind of person who would be full of warmth and cinnamon is warm... I duno. XD **

**Oh, and the dried roses, more of me making odd assumptions. I feel like they'd be something his mother kept in the house. I'm weird. **

**Just as a bit of useless knowledge, the sea breeze in Lauren's is reminiscent of her second home in Brighton where she'd walk along the coast with her mother and collect shells. She's always loved the smell of the sea. And the rainy air comes from a family tradition where they all dance in thunder storms. Her favorite part of that is laying in the wet grass once the rain stops and smelling the clean air. **

**Random facts! They're fun. =3 **

**Anway, got any questions, comments, or advice? Throw em my way! And if not have a good day/night/other~**


	14. Little Miss Pretender

**Chapter 14! Year 5. Love sucks. Lauren and Harry go on a date! **

**It's not what you think, or maybe it is. XD I can't read your minds. Anyway, this was fun to write. It's just a little happy blurb to throw in there, some more character interaction and friendship. **

**Big thanks to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99 and DrainaPurpurne2412 as always. Hope you all and random readers everywhere can enjoy~ **

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Chapter 14 – Little Miss Pretender

Harry wasn't feeling so great.

There was a lot of tension between himself and his friends, but not just any kind of tension, romantic tension.

Hermione and Ron were starting to feel for each other, he knew it, could see it in their eyes. And he himself was falling for Ginny. It worried him because so far he hadn't had such a good track record with relationships, or rather, his one relationship with Cho. Hermione hadn't had such a good time of it with Krum two years ago either he'd learned. Ron had also learned and now those two were mad at each other.

Oh, and Ginny was snogging Dean, there was that too. That was an issue for him.

Between Ron and Hermione not speaking, Ron and Ginny not speaking, Ron being a bit of a prick honestly, and he wanting to deck Dean who had no idea he was a little super stressed. And of course there were also his lessons with Dumbledore, learning more about Voldemort, that Half-Blood Prince Potions book, Slughorn being a creep, and Draco acting suspicious. Yeah, his life was pretty much just a ball of stress and he wanted it to end.

He'd taken to avoiding his friends, which was sad, and avoiding people in general, which was sadder.

In fact he hadn't actively spoken to anyone in two days. He'd been hiding in the library between classes, eating at the very end of lunch and dinner when everyone had mostly left and most of the food was gone, and went right to bed as soon as he got back to their rooms.

It was tiring, ducking and dodging all the people looking to talk with him but he really couldn't do it. He couldn't stand to sit and listen to them gripe on and on about their problems. He had enough of his own to deal with!

With a sigh he let his head bang down onto the desk before him. It was a Saturday morning. In half an hour everyone with permission would be going down to Hogsmeade and as much as he wanted to be among that number…

"Are we talking?"

He jumped as a soft voice called out to him and slowly raised his head to regard Lauren, sitting there with a soft, curious smile.

He sighed. "Love sucks" and dropped his head back onto the table.

"You in love?"

"Maybe" why'd he just say that? Whatever. "Ron and Hermione are fighting" he grumbled into the wood.

"Ah. So that's why they've been glaring at each other and why you've been running from them."

He looked at her curiously. She had noticed?

"They keep asking if I know where you are. They're also trying to use me as a go between." She stuck her tongue out at him, showing her displeasure at the action. "I've been avoiding them a bit too, to be completely honest… Going to Hogsmeade today?"

"I want to."

"Then go."

"They might be there."

"So. We'll just hide if we see them."

"We?"

"Yeah we! Let's go on a date" she laughed and he looked up at her like she'd just grown a second head.

"I don't think-"

"Not a real one!" she laughed a little harder. "A pretend one, pretending is fun after all. It'll be something to take both our minds off our hopeless love lives"

He thought she sounded a little too happy saying that but smiled despite himself. Her cheer was contagious at moments like this and he was glad she was his friend.

"Alright" he sighed, standing slowly. "But I've got to sneak in. No permission slip and all" he shrugged.

"Shall I sneak with you?" she questioned and he laughed.

"Please do."

He offered her his hand and they walked out of the library together, both smiling cheerfully.

They parted ways where the paths to their respective towers diverged and promised to meet back in twenty minutes. Harry needed his invisibility cloak and Lauren needed to change into something that wasn't her pajamas.

They met each other again at the agreed time, Harry doing a double take at her when she walked up. He'd seen her in regular clothes before sure, had even seen her all dressy for the Yule Ball two years ago, but she looked… He didn't even know.

He thought it was probably the hair that threw him. He'd only ever seen her hair down or in sloppy pigtails so when he noticed it twisted up in a messy little knot with orange and black chopsticks, her bangs left to brush her forehead and cheeks, it threw him. She looked drastically older like this.

The fact that she was wearing clothes that actually fit, a nice orange turtle neck and tight dark wash jeans, plus two inch wedged boots, also helped.

She giggled at his startled face and did a little twirl. "I look okay?"

"Lovely" he managed, and looked down at himself, blue jeans, black t-shirt, red flannel over top, and his sneakers. "Did I underdress?" And he wondered why he asked because she was wearing casual clothes that would look completely normal on anyone else. She just wasn't anyone else.

"Not at all" she laughed. "Shall we go?"

He nodded, took her offered hand, and he showed her his way to Hogsmeade.

They exited Honey Dukes and then went right back in, Lauren tugging him by the sleeve. Now he knew why she always had so much candy on her all the time, he couldn't even count the amount of treats she bought, though he knew there were at least fifty sugar quills because she'd counted them off.

After that purchase they wandered back outside and went bouncing from shop to shop. It was actually very fun and extremely invigorating every time they spotted a teacher or one of their teed off friends. Hiding from them turned into a game and Lauren started to hum the _Mission Impossible _theme every time they did it.

He didn't watch many movies, especially not American ones, but he was familiar with _007 _and he was a little happy that he knew someone else that got those Muggle culture references. Hermione did too sort of but theater had been more of her thing it seemed.

Lauren's stomach growled as they crouched behind a building and Harry suggested they go for lunch. Hopefully the Hogshead wouldn't be too full. A few new little restaurants had opened up and were far more popular with the younger students. Hermione seemed to like them too so, even better!

Hand in hand they walked to the pub, glad to see that the 'no students' sign wasn't up, and slipped inside.

There were a few people here and there but no teachers, no Ron, no Hermione, no Dean, and no Ginny. They heaved matching relieved sighs and took a seat in a back booth after Harry ordered them both a butter beer.

"Fun day" Lauren smiled as they sat, pillowing her head on her folded arm.

"Yeah" he smiled back. "Thanks for this."

"No problem, no problem" she waved him off dismissively, yawning. "Anything for a fellow loser in love."

"Oh yeah" he nodded, recalling something. "Are you falling too?"

"Maybe" she answered just as cryptically as he had. "Even if I am it's not like I can do anything about it."

"Who is he?"

"Who is she?"

"You really don't know?" he frowned, resting his head in his open palm.

"Nope."

They paused as their drinks arrived, Lauren holding hers up. "To an awesome day with an awesome friend."

They clinked their mugs together and drank, grinning at each other when they set the half drained mugs down.

"Not letting you get out of answering" he said.

"Not letting you get out of it either. Tell me" she leaned forward.

"You tell me" he leaned forward.

"Why do you wanna know?" she got a little closer still, wanting to see who would pull back first. She always tied with Draco.

"I need to know whose ass to kick if you show up crying. Why do you wanna know?" He didn't lean forward but he didn't move.

"Same reason. Gotta look out for my boy." She smiled and he laughed, leaning back into his seat.

She'd won!

Slowly he looked around the room, looking to see who all was there. No one close enough to hear? Good. He leaned forward again. "It's Ginny."

She pursed her lips, looking thoughtful, then nodded. "Makes sense. Can't believe I didn't think of that."

"I was a little surprised too… Now, you tell me who this bloke is."

"Hm… Nope" she giggled.

"I told you" he nearly pouted.

"So. I never agreed to tell you. Anyway, what's it matter. We'll never get together."

"Oh?"

"Yep."

"And why not?"

"He's… he's way outta my league" she sighed.

Harry frowned. "It's not Malfoy is it?"

She nearly choked on the butter beer she was drinking. "Merlin no! He's like… Brother status! Like you!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "I don't know if I appreciate being at the same level as _him._"

"Oh be nice" she coughed one more time then straightened up her posture. "He's not that terrible, just a little misguided."

Harry just gave her an incredulous look that said he wanted to move away from this topic. She figured she could do that and continued "anyway. I'm not saying. It's probably just a crush. It'll pass with time."

She bit her lip, running her finger along the rim of her glass. She said that but was it true? A part of her said no, a part said yes, a part wanted it to be true, a bigger part didn't. She wanted to be in love with Professor Snape, she wanted that for whatever odd reason. She wanted to be happy when she saw him, sad when he was far away. She wanted to continue on as she had, even if he never knew of her feelings…

"Love's great isn't it?" Harry asked with a bitter laugh.

"Wonderful" she agreed and when the waitress brought over two more mugs of butter beer he raised his glass first.

"To Love and all its bloody pains."

"To Love" she agreed with a tired smile and a roll of her eyes.

When they set their drinks down again Harry smiled at her and she smiled right back. Quietly he wondered who it was she had her eye on. He was a lucky bloke whoever he was, though Harry couldn't quite say he was jealous. He did have his heart set one someone else after all. He just hoped that whoever the guy was he'd treat her well. She deserved someone who could keep that radiant smile around, and he really didn't want to have to add anyone else to his 'people I must defeat for whatever reason' list. It was too bloody long.

"Best pretend date ever?" she asked suddenly and he laughed.

"Best pretend date ever."

"Now if only we could get real ones."

He was still laughing about that one on the way back.

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**Ta da~ Didja like it? I thought it was kinda cute when I was writing it so I hope you all hought the same. If not I'm sorry. ^^ Maybe next time. **

**Next chapter will be Christmas time~ We're back to time with Sev! **

**Till then if you've got any questions, comments, or advice send em my way! If not, thanks for reading! Have a good day/night/other~**


	15. Little Miss Innocence

**Chapter 15! Year 6. Lauren and Snape spend Christmas together, exchange gifts, and share something special. **

**Holy crap guys, holy crap. This thing is ten pages exactly and three continuous hours of work. Seriously, I plugged into my calm music playlist at midnight, kept writing; it's three in the a.m. now. 3:48 to be exact. Holy crap. XD **

**This was really fun to write though, I put my whole heart into it and hope you guys can enjoy it as much as I do. **

**As always, a big thanks to ****PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99 and DrainaPurpurne2412**

**You all make writing even more fun and I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this chapter. **

**Same to you random readers~ Read, enjoy, and maybe when you're done tell me what you think!**

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Chapter 15 – Little Miss Innocence

Lauren was lonely.

It was Christmas Eve and she was on her own for the first time ever. Usually she'd be at the Garden, her grandmother's home, by now. Usually she'd be surrounded by her immense family, smiling and laughing, running about with her cousins and talking with her aunts and uncles. She'd be trying to secure her spot in front of the main Christmas tree and telling stories to the little ones, singing them to sleep with carols.

Only she wasn't. She was stand here at a window, watching snow coat the world outside, lantern in her hand to keep the dark at bay, bag heavy on her shoulder with books she'd planned to read and hadn't. She was standing here wishing that she was there and that her parents weren't away on two different continents. She supposed she couldn't really blame them, her mother had made the promise to go on that South American mission trip in the spring and couldn't just back out because her father had gotten a sudden hint on the location of his birth family.

It wasn't their fault, and she wasn't mad. Plenty of her relatives had offered to come pick her up at Kings Cross. It had been her choice to refuse, not wanting to burden any of them with coming all the way to London. She knew she would be fine here for the holidays, she was just lonely.

Luna had gone home, Harry and Ron and Hermione had gone home, Cho had gone home, Draco too. Most everyone had really, the common was empty and quiet, the number of people still around filled just one table in the Great Hall and, since it was Christmas Eve even some of the teachers were missing.

She hadn't seen Professor Snape at least… It made her sad.

She wondered if he'd be back tomorrow. She hadn't given him his gift yet having hoped to give it to him tonight and she would be even sadder if she had to wait till the New Year to give it to him.

With a sigh she sat down in the window and set her lantern and bag down. She drew her knees up to her chest, shivering slightly when she rested her head against the chilly glass, and sighed again. This was absolutely no fun. She wished she had someone to keep her company, to make her smile. She wished she had someone to spend Christmas with…

Footsteps echoed in the corridor behind her and she sat up properly to look behind her.

She came eyelevel with someone's midsection, all garbed in black, and a deep, familiar voice spoke.

"Good evening Ms. Dari."

She looked up, startled to see the face of Severus Snape looming over her, onyx eyes regarding her with curiosity. "Should you not be joining your peer in the festivity back in your own common?"

"What peers?" she asked with a frown, finally over her shock. "That place is practically deserted… it's depressing."

"Oh?" It was a rhetorical question and she didn't answer, just looked back out at the falling snow for a minute. She felt happy to see him, but she still couldn't shake her sadness, especially since she realized once again how lonely the school had become and would be for the next week… Such a quiet Christmas… Oh!

"I have your gift" she supplied suddenly, remembering it in her bag. "I was hoping I could give it to you tonight but when you didn't show up for dinner…" she trailed off and went to grab her bag but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"I have a gift for you as well…" She smiled, watching patiently as he took a moment to think. "Join me for tea, we will exchange them then."

"Alright" she smiled brightly, standing from her spot. She shouldered her bag and picked up her lantern, following him as he began to walk.

She was a touch confused when he began in the direction of the dungeons, rather than towards the DADA room but did not question it, following dutifully.

She looked around with a slight frown as they walked deeper down, into a hallway she had never used before, and nearly ran into him when he stopped walking. They were in front of a painting depicting a slithering snake wrapped about a tree. It peered at them with beady black eyes, staring at her in particular.

If she didn't like snakes so much she probably would have cowered, as it was though, she owned one and was used to their unmoving stares.

"Where are we?" she couldn't help vocalizing. It helped take her mind off the staring, despite the silence between them not seeking to be broken.

He leaned forward and whispered something to the painting and she watched as it slid aside, letting a puff of warm, dry air loose into the damp corridor.

"These are my quarters" he supplied, stepping inside.

She blinked. His… wait this was his room? She followed quickly behind lest she be locked out and then just stood, looking around with a surprised expression. She was in his room. Really? She was really in his room?

She was afraid to move, to touch anything, and so just looked, standing frozen in place. It certainly did look like a place he would live in. Nice and neat, the walls lined with bookcases and shelves crammed to the brim with book after book and tome after tome.

There was a fireplace against one wall, which she thought was amazing since they were under a lake, and around it was situated a loveseat and two comfortable looking armchairs. There was also a little wooden coffee table sitting on a green square rug, the only pop of color against the black stone floor.

There was a door at the far side of the room. She assumed that's where he'd gone and that his bedroom was located within. She made a quick mental note to go nowhere near there but to try and see inside, just for curiosity's sake.

That door opened and all she saw was him. She would've tried to peer past if she wasn't so completely fixated on this new sight, him sans robes and that black top he always wore over the white. He was still wearing his usual black pants and his shoes but those two missing articles were enough to throw her mind completely.

She looked down at her boots to keep from staring and so only heard him set down the tea tray in his hands.

"You may come sit" his voice called and she shuffled over to the opposing armchair quickly, dropping down as she blew out the candle in her lantern and dropped her bag like a sack of potatoes.

He fixed her tea while she got comfortable, pushing the cup towards her before fixing his own.

They settled into silence after that, both leaning back in their seats, comfortable.

She smiled at him over her cup once the shock of being in his sitting room and seeing him in slightly different attire wore off and he reciprocated slightly, setting his cup down.

"Might I ask why you are here for the holidays?"

She nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "Mum is in Chile, Dad is in… some remote part of Africa, I duno. Anyway, I didn't want any of my relatives to have to bother with picking me up in London so I just stayed."

"Regretting it?" he asked.

She thought for a moment then smiled softly and shook her head. "No. I'm here with you so I don't regret it."

Her answer seemed to surprise him and she looked down into her tea with a blush. Was that a little forward? It was the truth, even if it was an awkward truth… She sort of wished she hadn't said it and looked for something else to say, anything else.

Silent moments ticked by and she drained her cup. When she looked back at him the surprise was off his face but he was watching her with that pensive look she could never read. She never knew if he was happy or sad or mad when that look came around, it was nothing but neutral thoughtfulness. What was he thinking?

"You are an odd girl" he vocalized, as if answering her unspoken question. "A very odd girl."

She smiled a little. "Why thank you." Odd was good in her book. "What makes you say so?"

"Do you really enjoy my company so much?"

"Don't you enjoy mine?"

He blinked then let a ghost of a smile tug at his lips. "Indeed I do. "

"There's your answer." She rolled her eyes but smiled at him nice and bright. If she didn't enjoy his company, if she didn't like him, she certainly wouldn't be sitting here drinking tea, wouldn't be here chatting and saying silly things. If she didn't like him she wouldn't be so happy right now, even without her family on Christmas Eve… Christmas…

"You don't have a tree" she said suddenly, looking around.

"No I do not" he replied. "I am not a particularly festive person."

"Don't you like Christmas?"

"I like it fine but see no reason to bring an entire tree into my lodgings."

She pouted at him, when was she going to stop that, crossed her arms over her chest, crossed her legs, and gave him, after the pout, a fully disapproving look.

"Where do you expect Santa to leave your presents? There are five trees at Grams house."

He deadpanned. Did she really… Really? He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I do not often make the nice list" he supplied, not about to try and correct her lest he set off something he really did not want to bother with.

It appeased her but she looked sad then. He did not approve of that look. He needed a distraction.

"Would you like your gift now?" he asked, at a loss for anything else to say but glad that was still there. It had been the whole purpose of her coming down here after all.

Hesitantly she nodded, moving her mind away from that fact. What was he doing to stay on the naughty list she wondered, then stopped. She reached down into her bag, pulled out a green wrapped square decorated with black ribbon, and held it out to him at the same time that he held out a small, purple box.

She smiled as the objects changed hands and looked curiously at the box, wondering what it could be. It was topped with one of those blue sticky bows and she pulled it off the top, sticking it on her head. It fell off a few seconds after and she laughed flipping the box open. A soft gasp escaped her.

Sitting in the box was a circlet, not meant for her head but her wrist, a bracelet. It was silver and shiny and she picked it up carefully in her small hands with another gasp. It wasn't the silver that amazed her so, but the two small glass balls on either side of a silver plate. Inside both a clear smoke swirled, turned red, then clear again as her name appeared on the plate.

They were Remembralls… were they there to help her remember her name? Still regarding them curiously she slipped the band onto her wrist and watched as it tightened to fit her, loose enough to be comfortable but tight enough not to fall off. Perfect.

She looked up at Snape, saw him watching her curiously, and gave a sweet smile. "It's so lovely" she told him with sincerity. "Though… Is it supposed to keep me from forgetting my name?"

He shook his head with a slight smile but serious eyes. He was treading upon dangerous waters he knew but he wanted her to understand the meaning behind this gift, the reason for it. Setting his own, unopened gift to the side he folded his hands and asked "do you recall any of your… illness before the summer?"

"Illness?" she asked with a curious tilt of the head.

"Several times your memory failed you" that was a drastic understatement of what had happened obviously, but he did not want to reopen old wounds. "You seemed most distraught when you forgot the name of someone near you and this will insure that never happens again."

She blinked down at the bracelet on her wrist, her smile falling then stretching wide. She did recall, vaguely, all of the memory potions he had her take near the end of school, had a momentary flash of memory, she feeling frantic because she did not know who she was talking to, and then it was gone and a jolt of pain struck her head when she tried to chase it.

Instead she focused back on the bracelet, the Remembralls were red again, then clear as 'Professor Snape' crossed the plaque. She smiled. He was looking out for her, not just physically but mentally as well. It was touching, so touching and her whole body felt warm.

"Thank you so much. I…" she teared up a bit and looked at him "I really can't say properly how wonderful this is. How thoughtful…" A few tears slipped down her cheeks and she pulled out last years present, dabbing the wet away with it. "Your turn" she sniffed. "Open your gift."

He obliged, slipping the ribbon off slowly before removing the paper. She giggled when she noticed that he was one who did not rip the paper but undid the tape and unwrapped it. How like him.

She scooted a little farther forward in her seat as he removed the lid of the box and bit her lip nervously as he drew the pocket watch out.

He just stared at it for a while, surveyed it. He had certainly seen watches like it, though never up close. They were always hidden inside a display case at the apothecaries, marked with their ridiculously high prices. It wasn't just some Muggle time piece, it was a Potions Watch.

While most potion makers used an hour glass to time the brewing of their potions there had been, about twenty years ago, a new development in wizard technology. These watches could be told what potion was being brewed and would set themselves to alarm accordingly. They were extremely useful and long-lived, he had never heard of one breaking on its own anyway, but expensive. The charm used to enchant them was extremely difficult and so none were manufactured or sold in bulk. Most were made by order and the cheapest in shop one he'd ever found was fifty galleons.

This one looked to be a far cry from fifty galleons. It was pure silver, just as her bracelet was coincidentally, the front embellished with the engraving of a coiled snake. When he flipped it open he was amazed to see _Snape_ engraved within and then the neat face of the clock. He snapped it shut after a moment, regarded the equally silver chain, and then looked to her hopeful face.

"You certainly give extravagant gifts" he smiled.

"You like it?"

"Yes."

"Wondering where I got it?" she tilted her head.

"You know me so well."

She laughed. "My aunt and uncle run an apothecary. I work for them in the summer some times and asked if I could order a watch in place of my usual pay… I won't be able to cover it in one summer, but I think a few sans pay are worth getting a nice gift for a wonderful friend."

She blushed as she said this, looking down at her bracelet. She hoped he didn't mind her calling him friend, she hoped that's what they were… She wished they could be more.

"Thank you" his slow drawl brought her gaze back up and she met his onyx eyes, for once open, for once affectionate.

She swallowed hard and smiled shyly at him. "You're welcome. Thanks again for my gift… I really do love it."

"I am glad. Merry Christmas Ms. Dari."

"Merry Christmas Professor."

Silence settled over them again, the soft crackle of the fire taking over, creating a warm, calm atmosphere.

Lauren leaned back in the chair and stared dreamily at her gift and Severus sat back watching her and the fire.

He never thought he would be here, sitting in his room on Christmas Eve with a student, turning a two hundred galleon gift over in his hands again and again. It was probably the most expensive thing anyone had ever bought him, but that wasn't what mattered. What mattered most, what shocked him most, was the thought put into the gift, the care. She hadn't just gone out and gotten him something last minute. It was something that must have taken careful consideration, like her last gift, and negotiation.

She wanted to give him something both functional and attractive. Much like he did for her.

It was touching, even if he didn't say so, even if he said nothing more than thank you. He couldn't think of anyone who had given him something so kind… he could only think of one other person who ever made him as happy as she did.

Looking up from the watch he realized that, in the time he'd taken to think she had fallen asleep. Her head was lolling to the side, resting on her shoulder, her arms folded over her middle, one hand absently rubbing at her bracelet. There was a slight smile on her face, obscured only by the loose strands of hair falling in her face, and he wondered what she was dreaming to smile in her sleep.

It was a comforting though, comforting to see since her nightmare filled nights were still a clear memory in his mind.

What would it be like to hold her now he wondered, peaceful and happy? What would it be like to be comforted by her?

He knew that she had gone to Draco, several times, about his mission, what he had to do. He knew because the boy had told him, in not so many words, told him to watch out for her, that she was playing with fire. Severus couldn't agree more, and he was sure she knew too, agreed too, but wouldn't stop. She was stubborn, so stubborn when she wanted to be. And she was so worried for Draco…

Could she worry for him too?

The grandfather clock against the wall chimed. It had since gone from ten to twelve. It was Christmas and she was out after curfew, had started that way he realized but couldn't bother to care.

Slowly he stood, crossing the small gap between them, and for a long while just stood above her, watching her. All that innocence, all that sweetness laid bare before him, vulnerable, trusting.

He reached down, swiping away the hair on her face, and then touched her shoulder, shaking her gently.

Her green eyes blinked open, gazing up at him sleepily. "Wha?" she smiled.

"It is midnight Ms. Dari… Merry Christmas."

She giggled. "Merry Christmas… Should I go back to my room now?"

"I will walk you there."

With the pace expected of a young woman who was just awaked, slow, she packed her things and they left the room.

She shivered at the chill, missing the warmth she had for the last two hours been bathed in and stood a little closer to him as they walked. He didn't seem to mind, which made her happy, and she was a little less worried about the dark around them.

He took them the long way around, for whatever reason, the way that passed more windows, gave a better view of the dark, snow covered world outside. It delighted her and they stopped often to appreciate the view, seeing the school grounds from different angels and in slightly different lighting depending on the position of the mostly cloud covered moon.

They were just a turn from Ravenclaw tower now. Once through the ahead archway she would disappear up the stairs and he would turn back to the dungeons.

She was a little sad that this was going to end, he feeling the same to an extent. It had been a lovely night, they had both received lovely gifts, and they felt… warm.

Under the archway both stopped, a shimmering green barrier suddenly before them. Behind was the same, they were effectively boxed in.

Confused they looked around, Lauren giggling when her eyes landed upon the source of their entrapment. "Look" she muttered past her hand, brought up to stifle her giggles.

His eyes widened a fraction. Enchanted mistletoe. The damn stuff went up everywhere on the first of December and was usually all taken down by the second. It wreaked havoc on the flow of hallway traffic and was not made to prevent moments like these, the entrapment of both teacher and student.

Thankfully the barrier was easy to break, it was annoying though.

Raising his wand he made to destroy the little sprig but stopped when he felt warm hands on his arm.

She was looking up at him with that terribly odd, terribly endearing pout and he raised a brow in question. She was biting her bottom lip, looking nervous, what…

"It's tradition."

"Excuse me?" had he just heard right. He gaped down at her.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "It's like getting caught under the mistletoe with a relative! You don't have to kiss on the mouth, just on the cheek" she blushed, though it went unseen in the dark. "I like to keep to Christmas traditions." She gave a nervous little laugh, looking down at her boots again. Now that she'd said it she felt like a fool, even if it was true. She'd never kissed anyone on the mouth but she always honored the mistletoe tradition. It was fun…

He really just… He couldn't believe this girl sometimes. Most students' would be gagging at this point, or would have fainted. Granted she was different, granted he wanted her to be different but… Was she was actually trying to…

"That is hardly appropria -" he reprimanded but lost the rest of his sentence as she leaned up and pecked him gently on the cheek. Stunned he turned his head to regard her but turned too quickly. His lips brushed hers and then lingered for a moment before she dropped back down to her usual height, eyes wide, hands over her mouth.

He blinked down at her, unbelieving, she blinked up at him, cheeks burning.

The barrier stayed up, obviously not satisfied, and she looked down, feeling ashamed of herself.

"I… I… Sorry" she stuttered, hands falling away as she muttered "some first kiss."

"First…?" he questioned past his own shock and embarrassment and anger. Had he just stolen her first kiss?

She looked up at him nervously; all those emotions in his eyes scared her. "Yeah…"

She looked back down because he continued to watch her with that hard, emotional gaze. She was just waiting for him to explode, to give her detention, deduct house points and banish her away from his side forever. Would he take back the gift he'd just given her? She wouldn't put it past him but she didn't want to give it up. Why did she have to go and do that, why did she have to pick now to listen to one of her stupid impulses?

"Ms. Dari" he said, voice low but calm.

She looked up at him from under her bangs.

"I…" he took a deep breath. "As a professor, it would be wrong of me to kiss you again." She nodded, twisting the hem of her sweater in her hands. "As a man, it would be wrong of me to steal your first kiss and not compensate with a second, better one if you so wish…"

She took a deep breath. Was he offering what she thought he was?

"Well?" Did he really want her to say yes?

And then she nodded, looking up at him with shy, hopeful eyes, trusting eyes. She wanted this… So did he.

He swallowed hard, not believing her or himself or anything, trying not to think while his mind ran to a million different places. Her skin was soft against his fingers as he cupped her face and he noticed how long her eyelashes were as they rested against her cheeks, green eyes closing.

She pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes as he bent down and their lips met. It was a soft, sweet kiss, an obvious first kiss full of tenderness on his part and inexperience on hers.

Her shaking hands came up to rest on his arms, unsure of what to do with themselves, her heart beat heavy against her ribs, an excited bird trying to escape it's cage. Her mind was abuzz with everything and nothing, all the things this kiss might mean for them, a beginning… and end?

She pressed to him a little harder and his thumbs stroked her cheeks as he pressed back then pulled away.

One, two, then three more soft pecks to her lips, and one last, lingering kiss against her forehead before he stood straight and she brought herself down again.

Her eyes stayed closed for a long moment after, his opened to watch her and see the barrier disappear. She was shaking all over, trying to catch her breath. Her eyes opened and gazed at him with adoration and apprehension. She reached out for him and he brought her into his arms.

She pressed her head to his chest, over his heart, and heard it beating, fast and strong, out of sync with her own but still frantic. It was comforting to know she wasn't the only one nervous, even if he wasn't shaking, even if he didn't have tears trickling from the corners of his eyes.

The silence around them was complete but she broke it, like she often did, her soft voice an echo in the quiet.

"Are you mad?"

"No."

"You don't hate me?"

"No."

"Will things change?"

"Yes."

"Can I… Can I still help you?"

"Yes."

"And visit when I'm bored?"

"Yes."

She sighed and hugged him a little tighter. The finality of his answers was so comforting, being wrapped in his warmth and his scent, hearing his breath and his heart. She felt so safe, so happy even though she was afraid.

"One more question?" she muttered against his chest.

"Go on."

"Can I… Will you kiss me again?" she blushed and looked up at him slowly.

"Yes" and in the dark of this Christmas night his lips pressed down on hers again, conveying in action the things he had no words for, the feelings he could not say but that he had for the lovely girl in his arms.

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**My heart was in this, all of this, what did you guys think? **

**The watches are completely made up if you were wondering, something that popped into my head earlier today when I was revising my little chapter plan thing and I went with it. I thought it was a kinda nifty idea. XD **

**I hope I didn't get Snape too terribly out of character. I tried to capture the whole, he's sort of falling, reluctant to do it, but at the same time accepting of his feelings. It's like he knows there's not much he can do about how he feels or how she feels. **

**After this chapter I'm not sure if I wanna go ahead with my original plan of time skip all the way to people being back after New Year's and having another Draco chapter, or doing another Lauren Snape chapter on New Year's. **

**Originally the first kiss was supposed to happen during her fifth year in that first Christmas chapter where she gave him the book. It was a lot sillier and didn't divulge into the longer kiss or short, unsure conversation. It would have been more one of those friend to friend kisses and lead into something more a lot later. As is, I'm glad I switched things around but now, since they're in the same place and she's not gone for vacation I think it would be natural for at least a little more between them to be shown.**

**Guess what I'm asking here is, Snape New Year's chapter or straight to back in school Draco chapter? **

**Oh um, random facts! Just in case you were wondering her mother's parents, her mom and them are Muggles by the by, are Missionaries. Her mom goes on one Mission trip a year usually but tries not to go for the holidays. It just happens sometimes though. **

**Her dad is adopted and looking for his birth family. He loves his adopted family of course, they're the ones who do all those favors for Lauren and who were offering to come pick her up, they're good people, but he wants to know. He's half Nigerian half English and was found in Africa, most of his leads are located in Africa so he travels there often. Most of the time it's unplanned so him poofing off before Christmas isn't unusual and she doesn't really mind.**

**And yeah. This AN's gotten way too long. Sorry. Any questions, comments, or advice? Send it my way! If not thanks for reading! Have a good day/night/other~  
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	16. Little Miss Mistake

**Chapter 16! Year 6. Snape thinks this may have been a mistake. Lauren just wants him to be honest. **

**Sorry this is so late in coming guys! My internet's been down, just got it work a bit ago. XD On the bright side, I've got two and a half more chapters done so there'll be two more updates after this~ **

**So happy you all liked the sweetness of the last chapter, this one's a touch bitter to balance things out but does end on a happy note. Hope you all can enjoy it. =3**

**I really wanna thank PandaWong, who left yet another lovely review, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, a constant reviewer~, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, I wish I could pm you to say thanks for all the great reviews, hopefully this chapter will have him a little more in character for your tastes =3, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, who also sent a lovely review, sara253xxx, another reviewer~, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, newest follower sarah-.-lou.94 and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

**You all are super amazing and make writing even more fun. **

**Thanks to the random readers too~ Hope you all can enjoy! **

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Chapter 16 – Little Miss Mistake

This was a mistake.

He realized it on that Christmas night nearly a week ago. As he wandered back to his room, sat there in his chair and stared hard at the one she had previously occupied.

Kissing her had been a mistake, continuing on as he had, speaking with her, not reprimanding her. He realized once he was alone, away from her sweetness and warmth, that this could not end well for either of them, was not wise, was not legal.

She was his student, he her teacher. Any kind of relationship between the two of them was unethical and, until she was of age, a crime.

It was a mistake, but one he had made. Yes she was wrong for what she had done, been out of line, but he had been the one to further things, allow them to escalate into that second kiss. And why? Why had he done something so terribly foolish?

He had gone on for years repressing those urges, those feelings of attachment for anyone. Ever since Lilly… ever since then he hadn't cared for anyone in this way. Yes there had been attraction, brief trysts in his youth, he had his experience, but he hadn't cared in a long while. He hadn't worried and wondered over a woman in forever, had not wanted more... a relationship?

Did he want one now? He was sure that even if he did nothing between them could truly count, could work out. It would be a fragile, already broken thing for while he was not fragile he was a broken man. Even if he wanted to care for her more, to love her, he didn't think he could. All he could offer her were strained affections and flighty moments of his foolish tenderness, moments like that one.

It was a mistake. And so was this.

He raised his head as the door to his classroom creaked open. Her brown hair was in his view, and then her green eyes and nervously smiling face. She'd been nervous all week with him, apparently waiting for him to get mad, to punish her.

He'd considered it but what would it solve besides hurting her? He could do that without taking points or giving detentions, could do that just fine… Had been doing it.

Just yesterday he'd cut their conversation short when she got too close to the subject of Christmas, the day before he'd only let her stay for an hour, excusing her with less than kind words. And it wasn't for any particular reason; he was just being short, feeling it and being it. He supposed it was his subconscious way of trying to gain distance, undo what had been done. It was a lousy way to go about it, and ineffective.

She kept coming back after all.

"Yes?" he asked when she stayed standing in the doorway, tugging apprehensively at the hem of her sweater.

"Can I come in?"

"You're in here already aren't you?"

She looked down, he looked down. That jibe was not at all warranted.

"I mean… do you mind my company today? I… Um I wanted to ask a question."

"Come along."

She shuffled quietly to his desk and sat down in the waiting chair. Silence stretched on as she sat with her hands in her lap and twiddled her thumbs, looking at everything in the room but him.

He could only continue to watch her for a little while, the temptation to start sifting through her mind rather great. Couldn't she just say her piece and move along?

She worried her lip then looked up at him, eyes shining with tears behind her glasses. Her voice was quiet but her words were strong as she spoke.

"Where do you get off treating me so badly?"

He gaped at her.

"I just… If you don't like me say so, if you want me to go away tell me. I don't want to but I will if it's what you want. Just stop treating me so badly, please. I'm sorry about Christmas, I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have…" her voice cracked despite all her trying, all her effort to be strong. She looked away and armed at her face, purposefully not using her handkerchief.

"I care about you Professor. More than I should I guess… And it was probably silly of me to think that maybe… maybe you…" She gave a flustered sigh and looked back at him. "I'm just a girl I know, I'm stupid some times, most times, and if I could I'd take it back… well no, I wouldn't, not because I wanted to, but if it meant we could go back to normal I would forget. It's only been a week and I miss our being friends. I'm tired of you being so cruel... I'd hoped we could spend New Year together but… Do you hate me? Do you want me to go? I will, I swear I will just tell me. Be honest."

And she tried her very hardest not to cry, she didn't want to, didn't want him to see. He'd told her once that crying got you nowhere in the real world and she believed it. It was weakness and she didn't want to be weak, not right now. She had cried too much in front of him, because of him, she didn't want to cry anymore. She wouldn't.

Taking a deep breath she held the tears at bay and met his gaze.

"Ms. Dari-" he began and she cut him off.

"Just yes or no please" she didn't know if she could take a whole conversation. "Do you want me around?"

He folded his hands and brought them up, looking over them as he often did at the shaking, teary eyed young woman sitting across from him. He felt awful knowing that he was once again the reason for her tears, for her pain. This was why nothing between them could work, he was too hard on her gentle sensibilities, too much for her emotions to handle.

How many times was this now that he'd made her cry? How many times since her long ago first year?

By all rights she should hate him, this would be easier if she did, but she didn't. It would be easier for him to hate her, send her away, think of her as nothing but a foolish little girl who'd played with his mind, gotten under his skin. But she wouldn't, she wouldn't hate him, wouldn't leave despite his poor attempts at chasing her away. She kept coming back, but she wouldn't forever.

The better part of him wanted her gone, knew it was what would be best for her, but the other part, the deeper part wanted her here. Still knowing that nothing good could come of it he wanted her there. Wasn't it the human condition to want something you shouldn't have? Couldn't have? Wasn't it instinct to take it?

She cracked under his intent gaze and stood, a few tears falling free.

"Okay" she sighed. "Okay, I'll leave. I-I'm sorry. I just…"

"Stay."

He stood too. It still amazed him how small she was, how he could tower over her. "Stay… If that is what you want."

She blinked up at him as he walked around the desk, stopped in front of her, put his hands on her shoulders.

"It is not the wiser choice" he informed. "But if it is what you want…"

"Is it what you want?"

He paused, his eyes searching hers and replied softly "I do not know."

Another bit of silence came between them and she nodded slowly. "Okay… Okay then we'll… we'll figure it out. We'll try."

She smiled softly and pushed up on her tiptoes, pressing a shy kiss against his lips. She was still upset with him, probably would be for a while, but what would acting it get done? She'd realized over the years that he did not apologize, even when he was clearly in the wrong. Sitting around, pouting and carrying on like a spoilt child would do nothing for her but maybe make him mad and lower his opinion of her. Things would be better if she just accepted this, his allowance for her to choose, as apology enough.

He returned the kiss briefly, which was nice and honestly not expected on her part, then pulled away, clearing his throat as his gaze settled on the wall behind her.

"I will let you know now that such… affections will not be a regular occurrence, and never public."

She deadpanned. "Obviously. I might be stupid but I'm not that stupid."

He frowned. "You may be a fool but you are not stupid."

Her head tilted, arms crossing over her chest. "There's a difference?"

"Yes." He nodded shortly.

"Well, thanks then" she smiled, rather cheekily. "Glad to know I'm a different brand of stupid."

He smirked despite himself. "Five points from Ravenclaw for impertinence."

"What?! B-But-"

"Don't pout" he touched her head affectionately despite his cold tone then drew away, going to sit back at his desk. "It is about time I show you some sort of discipline anyway. You are still my student after all." And that was true, she was. She was his student and this was wrong but she was so sweet and so warm and for whatever reason she wanted this, she wanted him, wanted to try.

She pouted in that terribly endearing way and dropped back into her chair. Then she smiled at him and he had to marvel at how easily she smiled, just as easily as she cried, though she was getting better. He was amazed at how quickly she had let them fall into their normal routine, their normal conversation, and how natural it was for him as well.

Given the gravity of the situation only moments ago this all seemed sudden and he was still unsure, still didn't know, but he was willing to try.

"You mentioned something about new year?" he asked, folding his hands on the desk.

She grinned. "Yep. Dumbledore told us at breakfast that he'll be opening the astronomy tower at eleven. We'll be able to see the fireworks from Hogsmeade. I know you're not a festive person but you must like fireworks. Doesn't everyone?"

"I doubt that highly" he contested. "They tend to be rather noisy."

Her smile faltered. Was he saying no?

"But I suppose I would not object. If I recall correctly Poppy brought cookies and hot chocolate last year, and the year before. It may be worth it."

And five hours later it was worth it. Though they didn't stand too near to one another, though her attention was divided between him and the fireworks and a little herd of first years she was partial to he enjoyed himself, enjoyed watching her face light up with that bright smile as she started to countdown with the rest of the room.

"Happy New Year!"

The call erupted all around him but he only heard her voice, only saw her smile and her sparkling green eyes as she turned to him. He hoped that look of elation, pure joy, could stay on her face forever. He wished with all his being that he could be the one to put it there, to keep it there, to make her happy.

Perhaps this wasn't a mistake. Maybe instead it was a happy accident?

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**And there it is~ I wanted to end on a sweetish note and I think I succeeded yes? A certain reviewer kind of read my mind when they said they expected Snape to be more unsure of himself, whether I'd done this New Year chapter or not he would have had these thoughts at some point after the whole 'heat of the moment' thing with last chapter had died down. XD **

**It was really fun to write Lauren sort of standing up for herself, not a lot but a bit, and show that while she's still young she's matured enough to realize that she can talk to him and deserves to be treated kindly. **

**Um… Not much else I can think to say so, questions, comments, or advice? Throw em my way! I always appreciate them and take them into account when writing the next chapter. And if you've got nothing well thanks for reading! Have a good day/night/other~**


	17. Little Miss Stubborn

**Chapter 17! Year 6. Trying to comfort a moody blond may result in some out of hand situations.**

**Cryptic cause I don't wanna give anything away. Draco centric with a little Snape at the beginning and the end. **

**Jumping right to the thanks I'm sending smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

**Hope you can enjoy~ Same to the random readers!**

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Chapter 17 – Little Miss Stubborn

Months had passed, everyone was back at school, and things with her were going good.

Things with everyone else… Debatable.

Ron had made up with Ginny and Hermione which was good, Harry and Ginny had started dating, which was great, and she was on mostly good terms with all of them which made her very happy. These were all good things, the good things she and her friends were experiencing. Along with the good things there were also bad things.

Draco and Harry had had a fight, blood was draw, she heard about it from both of them and Snape. She was mad at two of them now, though privately. Also, Draco was being crazy, and Harry was being crazy, and Snape was acting oddly and none of them would tell her what was going on.

Sure it was really none of her business but she was making it her business. They were her friends , and her boyfriend… kinda, and she didn't want any of them hurt, didn't want any of them to do anything stupid.

With a sigh she came to the DADA room, hand resting on the handle. Before she could pull it out though it popped open and she had to jump back to avoid being hit.

Draco stormed out, pausing before her for just a second and Severus came following after. He looked at her with a surprised sort of expression and let his gaze drift from her to the quickly retreating boy.

"Oh dear" she muttered, watching her blond friend go. "What happened?"

Severus looked away. "It is nothing for you to concern yourself with Ms. Dari."

She frowned at him. "But he's my friend."

"It is none of you concern… Did you need something?"

"No. I'm going" she turned to take chase and he grabbed her arm, holding tight. "Let go."

"Leave him be." His voice was low and forceful, demanding as he tightened his grip.

She winced and glared up at him. "Why?"

"You just do not understand-"

"Of course I don't!" she interrupted rather aggressively. "How can I understand something no one explains?" She didn't mean to shout, really. Once she had she felt bad but it didn't take away any of her frustration. Draco had been telling her that all year and now he was doing it too? If Harry started she was sure she'd explode, she was close enough to it already. Didn't they understand that she wanted to help, even if she couldn't solve things, she wanted to try just a little, she wanted to be there for them.

Yanking her arm away from him she turned on her heel and sprinted down the hallway, missing his startled expression. His voice calling out to her didn't reach her ears till she was turning round the corner.

She ran a little further then slowed to a walk, looking around for Draco. Had he really gone down the hallway so fast?

"Draco?" she called quietly, a terrified yelp escaping her just moments later when strong hands grabbed her about the waist and pulled her back behind a door.

She thrashed for a moment in the strangers grip, disoriented and scared, but calmed when her kidnapper turned her in his arms and stared her down with cold grey eyes.

"Dari" he said softly, holding her arms a little tighter, just like that last time.

"Draco" she replied, looking up into his eyes, not afraid but sad. "Please?"

He held tighter then let go, arms falling limp at his sides. He took a few steps backwards, farther into what she belatedly realized was an empty classroom, and fell into a chair. His head was down and he seemed to be thinking. She let him, closing the door in the meantime.

Slowly he raised his head and held his arms out, inviting her to come closer, asking her, pleading, and she stepped into his embrace.

He pressed his head against her chest, buried his face in the soft cotton of her sweater and locked his arms behind her back, tugging her as close as possible. She brought her hands up to rest on his shoulders and then the back of his head, fingers combing through his unruly hair.

He looked so ragged lately, so tired. She sighed, muttering softly "why don't you all trust me?"

He took a deep, watery sounding breath and looked up at her with shadowy, bloodshot eyes, still wet with tears. His cheeks were damp and flushed and he looked so… scared, sad, lonely. It was a very new sight and she could feel her heart breaking. Why was he looking at her like that?

Gently she thumbed away his tears, giving a small smile.

He frowned in response and took a moment to find his words.

"You're too stubborn for your own good" he said. "You don't know. You're playing with fire."

"I'm stubborn because I care."

"Well stop!" he snapped, burying his face against her clothes again. "Just stop. You're going to get hurt, or killed. You'll die you idiot girl, don't you understand that? Everyone will…" his voice cracked and his shoulders shook with a barely contained sob.

She brought her hands back to his head and sighed. Oh ye of little faith. Why were they so sure that she couldn't hold her own? Why were they so sure she couldn't help?

"Do you think I matter more than you Draco?" she whispered to him.

He looked back up at her curiously and she stepped out of his grip, crouching down with her arms planted firmly on his legs so that she was the one looking up now. "Have you maybe thought that your life is just as important, that you should put as much effort into protecting yourself as you do with me?"

He shook his head, answering with a solemn sadness "I'm already damned."

"Who says?" she frowned, leaning up closer to him, upset by his answer. "Who says you can't repent? Start again, start right?"

He turned his face away from her and jerked one arm out fast enough for her to fall back in her avoidance of it. With his free hand he pulled the sleeve of his shirt up and she gasped softly, eyes growing wide at the sight of the Dark Mark twisting under his skin.

"Draco" she said softly, eyes filling with tears. "No… no, no, no." She shook her head, not wanting to believe it, not wanting to admit that he had taken the mark, become a death eater. She had suspected it sure but she'd hoped, oh how she'd hoped.

She stood up slowly and took his hand in hers. She sat in his lap this time, instead of crouching on the floor, and started to trail kisses from one end of the mark to the other, as if it would sooth it, take it away.

He started to cry again, quietly as both he and Harry were wont to do, and she hugged him, kissing his cheek.

"Oh Draco" she sighed. "You… I… We can… we can still fix this. Don't you want to at least try?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed her away as gently as he could manage. As he made for the door he armed at his eyes, drying the tears, and said not a word.

She followed, catching his wrist at the door.

"Draco."

"Let me go Dari."

"No."

"Dari."

"No… Can't we try?"

He turned on her then, those grey eyes blazing just like they had all those months ago. She backed up, just like that day, and found herself pressed against a desk instead of a wall. His hands braced tight on her biceps, nails digging in, and he leaned forward, noses brushing, breath mingling as he stared into her wavering green eyes.

His mouth crashed against hers, hard and aggressive, brief, everything Severus's kiss was not. He ended it with a rough bite to her bottom lip and she whimpered.

He inched closer to her again, she turned her head, and the door banged open.

He dropped her, leaving her to collapse on the floor as Severus seized him by the arm and swung him around into the far wall, pinning him.

"What do you think you are doing?" he snarled, pushing the blond boy farther up the wall.

"I was leaving before she stopped me. Jealous are you old man? Isn't it nice to share?"

"Quiet!" The teacher snapped.

"Or what?" Draco snapped back. "You'll punish me? There's nothing worse you can do to me and you know it!"

He kicked out and Snape dropped him while dodging. He stumbled away, back closer to the door, and the two glared hard at each other from where they stood.

Suddenly Draco's eyes were on her and she pushed herself back on the floor a little farther from them both. Till now she'd been sort of frozen in shock but that stormy gaze pulled her out of it.

"I have a question for you Dari" he growled, looking down at her with those same stormy eyes, a cruel grin twisting his mouth.

"Do we kiss the same, Snape and I?" She gapped at him. How did he know?

"He's just as damned as me so I'd think we'd have something in common… Never thought it would be you." He laughed a dark laugh then, devoid of any mirth, and positive feeling. It was nothing but cold, cold and mocking.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll drop both of us Dari… I hope you know what's good for you."

And then Snape, who didn't seem to be half as surprised but who was seething, seized him by the arm and the back of the neck, turning him forcibly towards the door.

"You will learn your place boy! Walk!" he jostled the other and they began out. The world started moving again for her and she reached out.

"W-Wait-"

Snape turned his angry onyx eyes on her. "Go back to your house Lauren!" and she recoiled at his forceful use of her given name. "Go back and stay there! Do as I say when I say! Can't you listen you stupid girl?"

His words killed any weak protest she may have had and she dropped her arm, watching them go, wincing as the door closed with a deafening slam.

She sat where they left her, dumbstruck on the floor, tears flowing freely from her eyes while she glared at the door, willing them to come back so she could, could… she didn't know. She didn't know what she wanted to do to them, hug them or hit them? Try again, one more time, to save Draco, to make him realize he still had a chance, a chance that was quickly slipping away. Maybe apologize to Severus for not listening, for being short with him and running off. He'd just been looking out for her.

After a while, it might have been two minutes, it might have been twenty, she stood up. A while later she wiped her eyes and made herself stop crying, then set her hair right and her clothes right and reminded herself to heal her bruised arms later.

She spent a good two minutes just staring at the door, afraid that one or both of them would be waiting outside. They weren't, and she walked away with no distraction, no interception.

It was evening, the halls mostly empty, and she didn't run into anyone she knew particularly well. Enjoying this solitude, sure she'd breakdown and say too much to any friend she came across, she didn't go to her house but instead the astronomy tower.

More of her stubborn streak she supposed. More of her stupid streak.

Looking out at the darkening sky, fear starting to twist its uneasy knot in her gut, she let herself cry again, tired and sad and angry and unbelieving. Why had that happened? How?

Why were they so mean? Why were they so sure they couldn't be helped or saved, so sure that they had to work alone, walk alone?

Loneliness was awful, why did they want it so much?

Why were they so stubborn? She didn't understand at all.

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**If I were Lauren I'd find a nice Hufflepuff boy to associate with and leave the crazy behind. That's just me though. XD**

**Hope you all could enjoy a little bit of crazy/emotional Draco and angry Snape. **

**Next chapter I'm actually a touch on the fence about posting but I'm going to throw it up anyway. I'm sure that if you all don't like it you'll tell me and I can figure something out. **

**This story is getting bigger than I'd planed though. XD Hope no one minds. **

**Questions, comments, or advice? Throw it my way! It's always welcome. =3 And if not, thanks for reading! Have a good day/night/other~**


	18. Little Miss Reckless

**Chapter 18! Year 6. A trip to the astronomy tower turns into much more. Is the sacrifice of a mind worth the survival of a body?**

**Actiony chapter kinda. More might be explained at the end so till then this is what you get~ **

**As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

**You all and the random readers are awesome~ Enjoy!**

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Chapter 18 – Little Miss Reckless

The whole Draco thing had shattered their fragile relationship. Though they had not officially 'broken up', what was there to break up really, they hadn't had a proper conversation for a week. When she'd gone to Snape the day after, in the morning as usual, he'd been extremely clipped and cold to her. It was just like after Christmas and she didn't want to put up with it.

She cared for him but if he was going to call her stupid, if he was going to yell at her, and then the next day act like she'd done something wrong she wasn't going to just sit there and take his cruelty. Yes she'd disobeyed him but Draco was her friend, or at least used to be, and she had been worried. How was she supposed to know that he'd go all crazy and kiss her? She hadn't wanted that!

And how had he known about her and Snape? She certainly hadn't said anything, had it just been a shot in the dark that turned out to be true? If that was it then why had he been so confident when he asked? No, he knew and she wanted to know how.

Too bad she wasn't talking to either of them. Too bad they weren't talking to her either.

Draco turned the other way when they met each other in the hall and wouldn't look her in the eyes on the off chance that they saw each other across the room. Severus was much the same, ignoring her in class as much as she ignored him.

He'd stared at her for a full five minutes, she'd timed it, during lunch after she didn't show up to his room one morning. The staring stopped the next day when she didn't show again, he must've realized that she wouldn't be coming around for at least a while longer.

She hadn't been by all week, and had actually skipped one class. Felt horrible about it but she really didn't want to deal with his glaring. It would come back to bite her in the ass later she was sure but couldn't make herself care.

Even now she was avoiding him, spending her evening locked away inside her common where he couldn't get to her.

Sure he could always use his teacher powers to have her summoned if he really wanted but she didn't think he did. He would've done it by now if that was the case, he wasn't very patient, and she had a suspicion that he felt this whole thing between the two of them was a mistake. She thought he probably just wanted it to end quickly and quietly and was leaving her be so that she might leave him too.

She really hoped that wasn't what it was. No matter how upset she was with him she didn't want to lose him, especially since she'd barely had him, and she wished a little bit that she could go back to Christmas and maybe possibly undo that kiss. Yes she would lose several wonderful moments but maybe she wouldn't be in danger of losing him all together.

With a sad sigh she looked down at the bracelet around her wrist. The remembralls smoked up red then cleared again and his name was there.

"I didn't forget" was her dark mutter as she turned sad eyes away. "Kinda wish I could" and she felt guilty for saying that, bad for saying that because no one wants to be forgotten and she didn't want to forget anyone, not ever again.

She tapped at the arm of her chair and looked around the room. It was mostly empty since dinner was being served and since it was still light enough and pleasant enough for people to be out and about. Besides a few nervously studying fifth years, ah O.W.L's, she was alone…

Alone was okay but this place was feeling stuffy, maybe a trip to the astronomy tower? That sounded very nice.

She stood with a stretch and exited with no interruptions or fuss. She didn't bring her bag or lantern, not planning to be out too long, her wand would suffice for light if the darkness got to be too much. She was a brave girl.

And even if she wasn't the walk was just a few minutes, half that if she ran… No running on the stairs though.

She went along quietly, quickly, reaching the door in no time. It wasn't locked, not unusual for a weekend evening, and she stepped inside.

Her blood ran cold at what she saw and she dove for cover without thinking. Draco was casting a Dark Mark into the air, she could see it from the wide windows. She couldn't see his face but his voice and his hands were shaking, she started shaking too and winced when he turned quickly in her direction.

"W-Who's there?" he stuttered in a panicky, uneven voice, and a part of her wanted to jump out, ask him what he was doing and then beat him within an inch of his life while the other wanted to stay hidden under this conveniently placed tarp and pile of telescopes.

The cowardly part of her won over and she said nothing. She even went as far as to cast a silent disillusionment charm hiding herself further. Really, what would she say to him if she confronted him? What would she do if things escalated into a duel, or if other death eaters arrived? What could she do but hide and hope for the best?

She started to sweat as he walked towards her, afraid she'd been found out, but was relieved when he went to hide himself in an alcove.

Why was he hiding though?

Long silent moments ticked by. She wanted to bolt for the door but knew that even with the charm up she wouldn't escape unnoticed. What if he wasn't the only one hiding out here? What was he doing here?

She wanted to groan but knew she had to stay silent and so did, pressing down a startled gasp when Harry and Dumbledore suddenly arrived via broom.

She wondered if Draco could see them both from his vantage point, she could hardly see Harry so…

Suddenly the brunet boy disappeared and Draco was stepping out. His wand pointed at their headmaster and she knew exactly what was going on, who he had to kill.

"No" she shook her head, a hand pressed over her mouth as she watched and listened. She did not want to believe it, did not want to accept it. Even as Draco recounted his assassination attempts, his smuggling of Death Eaters onto school grounds, even as he desperately explained his need to kill the other her mind refused to comprehend it fully.

Dumbledore was very level headed about all of this to his credit, trying to be reasonable and talk Draco out of this mistake. Apparently he'd known of the attempts all this time and had only stayed quiet to help spare Draco's life. He pleaded with him, implored him to switch sides, just as she had weeks ago, months ago, but the boy was just as steadfast, even as she saw his mind starting to crack.

He wanted to give, he wanted to so badly, but he was terrified.

For a shining moment his wand started to lower, slowly, his shaking hand drawing back, and then blackness swooped in. Figures robed in it, Death Eaters, surrounded them in a loose circle.

The woman with the crazed eyes, Lestrange, goaded Draco on and Lauren could see his resolve start to pick up again. It still wasn't that strong though.

They started to push him, implore more and more that he go through with it, and suddenly the door banged open. Everyone jumped and she shook. Severus ascended the stairs to join the group.

Draco eyed him desperately, he did not have the courage, the resolve, to do this, he would break if he did this.

She saw Snape raise his wand against Dumbledore, saw the old man's sad eyes, and then…

"No!" She jumped up, screaming, blowing her cover.

All eyes went to her, the three she was acquainted with stuck with horror.

"What are you doing here?!" Draco shouted, on the edge of hysterics.

"What are you doing?!" was her shouted response, not very articulate but the first thing in her head and out of her mouth.

The room fell to silence for just a second before the woman sneered. "You're that little bitch from the Ministry!"

She drew her wand and fired some manner of hex at Lauren that the girl was thankfully able to dodge. It sent a tapestry aflame behind her and she had to run from her little hidey hole to escape the heat, putting her right out in the open and with her back to a wall.

Frantically she drew her own wand, knowing that she would have to fend for herself in this situation. Dumbledore was unarmed, Draco was losing it, and Snape… She knew he wouldn't risk losing face before all these people. Not just for her. It hurt to know that but she pushed down her hurt, needing to focus on survival. There was no conceivable way for her to take on five death eaters, plus the two of questionable faith, all on her own, but if she could escape she might be okay.

Another hex and she jumped out of the way, suddenly glad for dodge ball in Muggle p.e. all those years ago. She made for the stairs but was intercepted by a large man who actually called out the killing curse as he took aim.

She fell and rolled out of the way, sliding herself back across the floor, suddenly next to Dumbledore who was watching her with an unfathomable sadness in his eyes.

He was still to week from his trip to the cave with Harry to be of any help, had not been expecting this. As it was his body was ready to give out, as it was his body was cursed and he would have very well let Severus kill him to save Draco's life, but now her life was at stake too.

"Got you now!" the woman cackled and Severus looked on horrified, was he really about to lose her, would she die? Would he let her? He was just as frozen as Draco, as Harry standing paralyzed under the stairs.

Lauren stood slowly on shaky legs as Bellatrix pointed her wand again, ready to end her life. Beside her, Dumbledore spoke gravely.

"Call them."

And she knew exactly what he meant, who he was talking about, but hesitated. She couldn't, not here. It was bad, very bad to… No! She wanted to live! She had to live! She would, she could… Open.

Pain ripped through her head and she dropped to her knees with a cry. The woman faltered, obviously confused, and then screamed as something groped for her legs from the floor.

Lauren's shadow stretched out, it's reach long, and split into several slender black bodies. They lifted from the floor, paper thin horrors that opened their sticky mouths to shriek wet screams and chant a strange and backwards melody.

_eht wodahs nerdlihc klaw_

_eht wodahs nerdlihc klat_

_eht wodahs nerdlihc yalp_

_nehw semoc eht dne fo yad_

_ni ykni ssenkrad yps_

_rieht sselmfor, gniees seye_

_dna peek efas ni rieht sthgis _

_eht ecila neeuq fo thgin _

It continued on and on, a continuous loop as they dragged about the room, piling onto the death eaters who fired hex after hex and curse after curse at them , knocking them to the floor with wet smacks. More were pulling up continuously, starting to slink out of the walls, the dark corners of the room, hands reaching, just like from the door.

On the floor Lauren was groaning, clutching her head in pain as everything flowed out, using her as a doorway. She wasn't sure how long she could keep this up, not sure how long it would be till something bigger, scarier, tried to come out. She couldn't take it, she couldn't…

A ring of fire irrupted around them, she screamed as the shadows did, burned and destroyed in the most effective way. The pain was too much and everything she'd opened closed again, violently. She found herself fully on the floor, coughing, a coppery taste in her mouth.

The sounds of battle raged on outside but she couldn't make herself care. Her gaze was transfixed on the thestrals dancing in the flame… She'd seen them before, she knew them.

"Good Lauren, good." It was Dumbledore helping her sit up, smiling but still looking sad. "I knew you could do it. Very good… Can you do something else for me?"

She bit her lip and gave a small nod, "I'll try." The action made her head pound, the words dried her mouth but she tried to pay it no attention. She knew that whatever this was, it was important and she had to do her damnedest to do it right.

"I am going to the Kingdom of White for a time. I thought before that my trip would be permanent, the next chapter of my life, but it seems that there will still be much to do and many to lead in these trying times. Many will still need me."

"A door?" she asked, wondering if he wanted a way to return, if he needed a way to get there.

"Of sorts. Do you know the train station?"

"Yes."

"We will meet there when the time is right."

And then he smiled at her, a kind and gentle smile, and touched her head. She was amazed to find a bit of the pain ebbed away and smiled back.

He stood, the dancing fire lowering, and looked down at her.

"I will see you in the white" he nodded.

"In the white" she agreed, and when the fire blinked away she saw a robed figure, not one of the original five, raise a wand that looked familiar and send Dumbledore to his death. To the white.

She watched mutely as he fell from the window, then let her eyes trail forward again, to the running figure, and then to Snape, holding a collapsed Draco, and Harry who threw off his invisibility cloak and pursued.

Snape looked at her, eyes full of so many emotions, and she shook her head, waving him away.

"Go… Harry can't do this alone."

And he did. She watched as he ran down the stairs without a look behind him and slowly crawled to Draco's side. Emotionally and physically drained there wasn't much she could do for him, honestly there shouldn't have been much she wanted to do for him, but she did what she could and pulled his head into her lap. Slowly she began to stroke his hair, slowly her mind began to stop, slowly her vision faded to white, quickly the remembralls bloomed a bloody red.

* * *

**Writing this was an intense experience, just saying. Don't really know why either, it just was. My heart was pounding all the way through it and I creeped myself out with the shadow men and their song. There's something about writing words backwards that just makes them feel dark ya know. **

**Anyway, this is a slightly altered scene of Dumbledore's death. Hope ya'll don't mind my messin on the cannon but it's a fanfic, this happens. Who those extra cloaked figures are may or may not be explained, I haven't decided yet, but you should eventually get an explanation of what's up with Lauren and all this open and close stuff and the white and the Kingdom of White because they are two different things. **

**If anyone would like to know what the poem says normally, just reverse all the letters, the words are in proper order. Or, if that's too much work, ask me and I'll let you know. =3 If you were wondering, it's an original by me. XD Yay crappy poetry!**

**Um… I'm sure there's important things I could be talking about but I can't seem to think of them so, in the meantime, send me your questions, comments, and advice! Or not. Thanks for reading either way! Have a good day/night/other~**


	19. Little Miss Forgetful

**Chapter 19! Year 6. Snape is very afraid that she's gone forever. Lauren has much the same fear amongst her confusion. **

**After a long hiatus due to writers block and my laptop finally giving up I'm back with the next chapter! So sorry to all of you I kept waiting. I promise not to poof again if I can help it. Hopefully I'll be getting a new laptop for the holidays~ **

**As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, Beesy, Sevre and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

**And to all of you who've sent reviews or pm's that I haven't replied to, I'll get to them as soon as I can. I hope you all know how much I appreciate every single one. Now, go on, read and enjoy =3**

* * *

Chapter 19 – Little Miss Forgetful

It was cold, very cold where she was, and so bright that not a shadow could be found.

There was no movement, no noise, no feelings. It was empty, empty of everything but what it was. The white, all-encompassing blankness, a void. This was the place where thoughts went to die, screaming mutely into the silence till they faded away. This was the place of nil, of nothing, no life, no death. It was anti-creation. The white. And she was floating in it.

It wasn't so bad really. It had actually once been very good, still was very good when everything was open and pouring out and there was nothing but pain and the chitter chatter of despairing voices, the scritch scratch of nails on the inside of her skull as those voices tried to claw their way out. The white was good, it was safe but it was… lonely. Empty. It was missing something, something that had been there what seemed to be a very long time ago.

It was something that smelled nice and felt nice and sounded nice, so very nice with a soft voice, and it was warm, warm and tight and secure. It was nothing like the white, an opposite. It was dark but not scary; it spoke to her with such kind words, sweet noise in the silence.

It was silent now, so silent that her ears rang just for the sake of making noise. She didn't really register it, didn't register anything here in the suspended void, but it gnawed at her subconscious, the subconscious that was slowly being drowned, being smothered by this place, the subconscious that was fading away with the conscious, inaccessible.

This was the place where thoughts died, where minds stopped, and hers was stopping again as she hid herself away.

In the waking world she smiled an empty smile, eyes dull and dead as they watched forward. Her hand, touching… something, something soft, something on the head, something she couldn't remember the name for, kept working busily, automatically. She didn't actually feel it, didn't know she was doing it, her body just worked, went on with its last task.

In her lap was something heavy, starting to slowly move. The thing made noises, words, that she did not hear and could not comprehend, and then it was gone. Her hand kept working, mocking a stroking motion in the open air.

On the floor of the Astronomy Tower Draco made himself sit up, stare at her with bleary eyes and a confused mind. What was she doing? What was going on?

Slowly things started to come back to him, memories of the things that had happed recently. How recently he wasn't sure, time was a funny, fuzzy thing, and he couldn't tell how long he might've been out.

But he recalled his mission, his failure and Snape's intervention, her intervention. He recalled his fear at the thought that she would be killed, killed because of him and because she was a fool who was always where she shouldn't be, was always getting involved in things she shouldn't. And then the shadow men, her shadow men, pulling from the floor, screaming and dragging along. He remembered his terror, then the ring of fire, the strange figures who fought them, then did his job for him, the ones who killed Dumbledore… He hadn't killed Dumbledore.

A large part of him was relieved, a large part afraid. What would happen to him now? The mission had gone through but not as planned…

Slowly he forced himself to his feet then looked down at her. They needed to get out, needed to move somewhere else before people came. He held a hand out to her but she didn't take it, didn't look at him. She kept her empty gaze forward, hand still working and working as if his head was still in her lap, as if she was combing her fingers through his hair.

"Dari?" he asked, suddenly concerned, noticing her unfocused gaze. "Lauren?"

She didn't reply, didn't hear him, didn't respond when he bent down and nudged her. Her hand stopped only when he stopped it and when he pulled her to her feet she would stand but not walk.

On her wrist the rememberalls were red but no name was on the plaque. She was not trying to remember, not trying to think. She just stood, empty, smiling, and he took a step away from her. What had happened? Why was she like this? Was it something the shadow men had done?

He didn't know what to do with her, couldn't get her to move. Should he move her? Would she freak out?

Slowly, tentatively, he stepped back to her, braced his hands on her shoulders, and shook her lightly.

"Snap out of it" he commanded weekly. "Come on!"

He heard the creek of the stairs and turned his fearful eyes towards the entrance to the room. Severus came walking up and he was actually relieved to see the greasy git. He could help.

"What are you still doing here?" the man hissed venomously till he noticed Lauren standing there.

He strode up to her quickly and Draco found himself struck by the look of sadness and desperation on his teachers face.

He moved the smaller male aside, away from her, and took up the position the other had, hands on her shoulders. His eyes searched hers frantically and he tried legimancy twice in vain, mind rebounding on the white void swallowing everything inside her.

"Lauren" he said softly. "Are you in the white? Can you come out?"

No response.

"Lauren?" his hands moved to her face and he tried to focus her gaze, tried to draw her out of that empty place.

She didn't budge and he pulled her into his arms, held her tight, then picked her up.

There was nothing he could do for her he knew. Nothing Poppy or anyone else could accomplish in bringing her mind out of this stupor, but he needed to move her, needed her out of this place.

The Death Eaters were gone, chased away by members of the order. The cloaked figures were gone, chased away by himself and an enraged Potter, but still danger loomed on the horizon, for all witnesses to this act. Draco would need to make himself scarce with Potter as he was, it would be wise of Severus to do the same but he was not about to leave her on her own.

He felt guilty enough as it was, felt terrible about the way he'd treated her recently, about not protecting her well enough to keep her out of this situation.

With Draco trailing behind he moved as quickly as he could from the room and through the school, going down past the hospital wing and continuing to the dungeon. There was nothing Poppy could do and after that battle he didn't know how many people would need her care, didn't know how vulnerable Lauren might be or what kind of suspicion her condition may rise.

He didn't want anyone to associate her with this at all, didn't even want to hint that she might've been there, and so he continued to the dungeons and into his quarters.

"What's wrong with her?" Draco asked, leaning heavily against the closed door, hands running through his hair.

Snape ignored him, having no real and proper answer and annoyed with the boy completely. He laid her out on the couch, though she was hesitant to let him go, and directed the blond to the floo.

Between the two argument sparked. Draco did not want to go, had nowhere to go where he wouldn't be punished. Voldemort would be waiting for him wherever he turned up the boy was sure, and he was terrified, terrified of dying.

Severus maintained that he would take care of it, told him to go home and lay low, but the boy wouldn't listen. He wouldn't go.

They yelled, a forceful back and forth, and Lauren lay on the couch, oblivious to all.

She was in the white. The cold, lonely white… She didn't want to be alone.

In the void her suspended body, the only thing of substance in this space, rolled onto one side. She pulled up her legs, curled in on herself, tried to make the warmth she so missed. Where had it come from so long ago? Why couldn't she make it herself?

"Warm" she whimpered quietly, in both her worlds. It was a strain to come up with the proper word, a strain to make the proper noise, but she felt it needed to be articulated. Somewhere in the base of her mind, the part not yet fully submerged in the white, she knew that to receive one must ask. Perhaps if she asked for the warmth she would receive it. Perhaps the white would gift it to her.

In front of the floo, ready to come to blows, Severus and Draco fell to silence. Both looked over to her slowly and were surprised to find her moved. Previously on her back she was now on her side, facing them. Her eyes were open a little more, the smile off her face, brow furrowed.

"Warm?" she articulated one more time, voice closer to questioning than before. Her arms moved out slowly, reaching for something she did not see, could not see, reaching out for them, for him, searching for Severus who had been her source of warmth once before.

"Go" he shoved Draco towards the fireplace one more time, losing some of his previous aggression as he remembered the debilitated girl lying there. "I will be close behind but I need to… She needs me."

The boy scoffed, glaring hard as he spoke, "she needed you when they were trying to kill her."

Severus thought the blond ought to count himself lucky that it was only a backhanded slap he received and not the punch or hex he'd considered. "And where were you boy? On the edge of hysterics that's where! A lot of damn good you did, this is your fault anyway so do not criticize me! Leave, now."

His rage was nearly tangible as he bore down on the younger and Draco skittered back, hand pressed to his stinging cheek. He glared but turned and grabbed a handful of floo powder and took himself home.

The black haired man watched him go with a small measure of relief drowned in seething anger and turned slowly to face his sitting room again. All those emotions deflated when he was confronted with the sight of her, still lying there pitifully, arms outstretched, expression blank but wanting.

The anger was replaced with sadness, the relief with worry, and he walked quickly to her side.

A clammy hand passed over her brow, swiping some of that dark and dusty hair off of her face, and then he reached down, hands braced under both her arms. He picked her up again and sat down, settling her on his lap just as he had done before. She shifted in his arms, he supposed to get comfortable, then fell still again and took a deep breath.

He held her tight, kissed the top of her head, rubbed her back. After a long while he started to rock, back and forth, nice and slow. A while later he began to speak.

"Come back" he whispered. "Come back please."

Face buried in her hair, soft and thick he sighed. "I'm sorry" and held a little tighter. "I couldn't protect you and I'm sorry." He felt himself breaking and tried to do all he could to stop it. This was why he had stopped feeling. This was why he had avoided the vice of love, in any form, for all these years.

He had let her down, had abandoned her when she needed him most. A week ago he had hurt her, had let his anger get the best of him and had lashed out. For the last seven days he had avoided her, glared at her, wondered why she hadn't returned to his side and then realized it was because he was being cruel again. And he had wanted to apologize, but he wasn't sure how. It was not something he often did, he was as proud as he was knowledgeable, as stubborn as she. He hadn't felt completely guilty, she had gone on and disobeyed him had refused to listen. He hadn't felt guilty…

"I'm so sorry… Please" he held tighter again and felt pitiful, felt hurt and guilty and terrified, terrified that he'd ruined her, let her destroy herself, terrified that she would never come out of this.

"Lauren…"

He was startled when she moved, let his grip slacken a little, and watched as she pulled away from him to regard him with those glazed over eyes.

She tilted her head in her usual unusual way and gave a hollow smile. "Warm."

He blinked then nodded. "Yes, warm…" His hands came up to rest on her face and he focused her unfocused eyes on him. "Come back to the warm. Back to me… Do you remember me?"

She blinked slowly, still smiling. "Who?"

"Professor Snape… Severus." He took her small hand in his and held the bracelet in her line of vision. The rememberalls were still deep red and she smiled a little wider at the pretty color. Nothing showed up on the plaque though, she was still not trying to remember, her mind still too far in the haze.

He sighed and let her hand slip free. Was she really gone? He hadn't had such a hard time of this last time, had gotten at least some clarity in her vision, but there was nothing now… Nothing.

Feeling defeated and worried, heart beating a slow and painful rhythm against his ribs, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. His hands cupped her face again and he closed his eyes, pressing a soft, lingering kiss against her mouth.

She didn't return it, didn't budge, but as he pulled away some seconds later he felt wetness on his fingers.

There were tears falling from her clouded eyes, the smile on her face was wavering. She looked lost, lost and scared. He wiped her tears away.

"Don't." he implored her. "Don't cry silly girl. Just come back."

A small light touched her eyes. She could hear him finally, hear through the cushioning of the white. She could hear him but did not understand, did not know why she was crying, only that she was sad and a little scared, only that things hurt and were open but that she was not wandering near the door. She was safe, in or out of the white. She was safe because she was with him, because she was in the warm and he had promised, he promised that he would save her, that the warm would be safe.

Her smile came back, despite the tears she could not stop, and she blinked at him. Now she could see. The white was gone from her vision too and she saw darkness full of warmth and sadness, his eyes watching her. She swallowed.

"Professor?"

"Yes?" the word was a strain, his voice nearly cracked from the force of it, the effort of it.

"I… Why am I so sad? "

He closed his eyes, hands falling from her face to her shoulders then down again to hold her hands in her lap. His gaze focused on those small brown hands in his when he opened his eyes again and sighed. "Something very bad has happened" he told her slowly. "Something bad has happened and I will have to leave for a time."

She frowned, brow furrowing, then winced and he squeezed her hands gently. "Don't. Do not try to remember just…" He kissed her forehead, unsure of how to continue or what to say.

She frowned a little deeper, the cloudiness fading further from her eyes as she asked "did I do something wrong? Is that why you're leaving? Did I upset you?"

"What?" his gaze was rather surprised, as he was. Why would she think-

"I-I think I yelled at you. I think I did, not too long ago… Is that why you're leaving? I'm sorry" the tears picked up in speed as a few unbidden memories pressed up through the haze, their fight the week previous, his yelling at her, his anger… Draco.

"I'm so sorry" she hiccoughed. "R-Really I promise I'll listen, I promise, I just… Please don't be mad. Please I-"

His hands on her cheeks again stopped her ranting for a time, her watery eyes meeting his own desperate pair. "Hush" he implored her. "You've done nothing wrong… I am the one at fault." And he was. He knew that, but admitting it made him feel all the worse. He was the one who allowed a relationship between them because, in the end, what say did she have really? If he didn't want her she would not be here, if he didn't care he would have banished her away. And he was the one who'd promised to protect her and failed, the one who had not handled well the events of the week previous, the one who had not handled well the events of this evening.

His heart hurt as he watched her sad, confused eyes, and he wiped away her tears whose flow had started to ebb.

"I am sorry" he said, and the words were unfamiliar in his mouth, almost didn't come out right. The sincerity with which he said them frightened him a little. He'd only felt so truly sorry twice in his life… Now it was three times he supposed. "I am sorry that I let this happen, and that I have to leave you. I am sorry that I have been cruel, that I have hurt you."

His hands left her face and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. He couldn't stand to look at that sad gaze anymore and wanted nothing more than to hold her till everything was alright again.

"You are such a darling girl" he sighed, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. "Such a darling girl… You've done nothing wrong. I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug and leaned up to press a soft kiss against his neck. "It's okay" she murmured, her breath warm against his skin. Her mind still wasn't completely clear. She didn't know why she felt so sad or defeated, didn't know why he was apologizing so much. What was this bad thing that had happened? Too much was open but a lot was closed too and she couldn't remember. She didn't want him to be sad.

Slipping carefully from his embrace she reached up, her hands on his cheeks this time, and gave him a soft kiss. "It's okay."

And he wanted to tell her no, shake his head and say no it's not, it never was, and never would be okay, nothing was okay, but he couldn't. The words stuck in his throat when she kissed him again, when she pulled away and he saw the confusion and the sadness and the love in her eyes, the trust that he would make things better, make them okay.

He couldn't make himself break the illusion her mind was building up, had built up, about the good things of the world, about him.

He could only marvel at her sweetness, her willingness to comfort him even when she herself was broken and scared. The tenderness she showed him was foreign and strange, not unpleasant but… He didn't feel worthy of, didn't feel deserving. He had done as much to hurt her as he'd done to help.

Without words to speak he drew her into his arms once more, kissed her again, and wondered why she cared. What had he done to earn someone so sweet and what would he do to send her away, to destroy her as he'd done before? Was this the moment, the definitive time where he would leave her and be done with it all? When he left her to whatever place of care he deemed safe would this resume upon his return? Would she remember him? He did not know how far the so-called white reached. If she was denied his presence, denied his memory, would she forget?

A part of him hoped so but another part dreaded it more than anything. He did not want to let her go, no matter how dark the path of destruction ahead may be for himself, for her. He wanted her to stay, to be his, his little darling, someone who cared for him, who _loved _him. That was something he had not had in a long while… Now that he had it he needed it, as pained as he was to admit. No man is an island, not forever.

He held her a little tighter still and put a stopper on his flow of emotions. The high activity of the day, his exhaustion now, had made him sloppy. Though his mind remained guarded, habit was habit, he'd let the barrier around his feelings fall and that was not safe. He played well at apathetic but his true nature was frighteningly passionate and he could not risk letting that side of him gain control. Too damn impulsive…

"Professor?" she prodded gently, words muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

"Yes?"

"Do you have to go?"

"Yes."

"I don't want you to go."

"'I'm sorry."

"Do you have to go now?"

"It would be fore the best."

She slumped against him and he kissed the top of her head, hands roaming slowly up and down her back. He didn't want to go either but he had to. He hadn't killed Dumbledore but he'd been close to it, would have done it if not for the interruption. If he wasn't careful he might get arrested and carted off to Azkaban for another man's crime. He needed to go.

"Where should I go?" she asked softly, voice wavering. Was she crying again?

Yes, he was sure she was, knew it without even looking. He squeezed her gently then pulled away, kissed her forehead and slid her off of his lap and onto the couch properly. "Wait here" he told her, wandering off to the back room.

She wiped at her face while he was gone and tried to stop the flow of tears, tried to remember what had happened and why she was so upset. All her attempts were met with sharp pain right behind her eyes and she tipped herself over, curled up on her side while she waited for him to return.

She'd drifted off into a light sleep before he came back and blinked up at him blearily when he shook her awake.

There was a clear vial in his hand and he offered it to her, watched her intently as she drank it down. It was tasteless, like water, and she wondered why she had to drink it. A few minutes later he looked at her, seemed worried, then gave her something else to drink. It was blue and tasted bitter. Why this one?

She tried to ask but he didn't respond, only helped her up and walked her to the door. He paused before stepping out, turned to her, leaned down and kissed her.

"I…" he trailed off, looking into her clouding eyes. "You are precious to me. I want you to know that. Do not forget that."

He kissed her again, held her close, and then stepped away and out the door, beckoning her to follow.

Together they wandered the less traveled halls of Hogwarts. They were unfamiliar to her eyes as they went and at some point the bricks began to merge together, the windows blurring into the stone. She wobbled on her feet and he steadied her with a firm hand on her shoulder.

By the time they stopped she couldn't see anything clearly, but made out a human figure standing in front of them. The voice, though distorted by her confused mind, was placed to Luna and she found herself suddenly by the other girl, supported by her slight body.

There were a few more words she could not make out between her Professor and her friend, something changed hands she thought, and then he wandered away. She wanted to call after him, but speech had failed her, all her senses were slowly dulling, almost like the white only different, she hadn't gone there, she wasn't hiding? Had it been that drink?

She barely made it up the stairs and as soon as she was in the common she collapsed onto a couch, consciousness fading, mind fading. Where was she, why? How had she gotten there and who… who had she just been with? Turning on her side she fell into a fitful sleep, broken fragments of memories dancing about behind her closed eyelids.

What was she seeing? … What was that drink?

Down in the dungeons once again, Severus stood before the floo and wondered, nervously, if she would be alright. The first potion he had given her was something akin to a dreamless sleep drought, but it also had properties akin to obliviation. He'd given it to her hoping that she would forget everything that had happened in the last few days, if not the last week, to help avoid trauma, but then realized that her memory was weak, her mind scattered. In an attempt to rectify it he'd given her a memory restoration potion on top of it.

They shouldn't cause any deadly reactions but… What had he just done?

Floo powder in his hand he took a deep breath and hoped with all his heart that he hadn't just hurt her, hoped that he hadn't erased himself from her memory.

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**Did you all like it? Gonna be honest, I don't have much to say if only because I don't remember what I was thinking when I wrote this. It's been a while, only reason it didn't get posted was because I couldn't get it from my laptop to my flashdrive for a while. Gonna have to have professionals do a complete data transfer when I get the new computer. XP**

**I hope you all could enjoy it and aren't too sore at me for my lateness. If you've got questions, comments, or advice feel free to send them my way. =3 If not, thanks for reading. Have a good day/night/other! **


	20. Little Miss Sturdy

**Chapter 20! Summer. Unexpected visits, uncomfortable conversations, and explanations. Neither of them expected this day to take the turn it did. **

**This is the chapter that really hung me up. It's been three weeks in the making and I've rewritten it like five times. Some of the alternatives were really... out there. Anyway, this one's set in summer and I like to think it's pretty interesting. More on it at the end. **

**In other news, I broke the 100 page barrier! So happy~**

**As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, Beesy, Sevre and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

* * *

Chapter 20 – Little Miss Sturdy

Today was unusually hot for Ireland, even in the summer. It was at least ninety outside and while Lauren liked the heat she found herself more partial to the cool air conditioning of the inside at current. She'd been out an hour before, a quick walk with a few of her neighborhood friends both magical and non, and was now laying sprawled across the couch of her family living room.

She was turned towards the tv and focused solely upon her game of Super Mario bros. Fifteen minutes previous she'd been playing with her mother but the woman had to run off to her shift at the library leaving Lauren to play alone.

She frowned, swearing quietly under her breath when a door down in the basement banged open and made her drive Mario off a cliff. That was her last life. She'd have to start over.

Sitting up she pouted at the dark skinned man who came banging through the door from the lowest level of the house. He seemed a touch rushed, like he'd just remembered he had something important to do, which he probably did, and also a little haggard. She wondered if he'd slept last night or if he'd stayed up working. What a bad habit!

She kept the pout, waiting, and he looked around, saw her, blinked, then gave a cheerful smile.

"Didn't know you were back pet. Ma gone?"

"Yes." She frowned and crossed her arms. "You made me loose da."

"Sorry" he chuckled. "Suppose it would be bad 'a me to ask a favor then?"

She sighed then smiled at him. "Go on."

"Got a delivery for you. I'd take it mahself but I'm late to the Ministry. Hows about it?"

"How much?"

"Two?"

"Five."

"Three."

They stared each other down, brown to green then she sighed. "Okay, fine. Take me to lunch tomorrow?"

"A course" his smile was as jovial as ever as he came to the back of the couch and petted her hair fondly. "Where ever ya want a'right."

She grinned back at him and quit her game, standing with a stretch from her previous position. He summoned a brown paper bag, folded shut and tapped with a note on the front, then shoved it into her hands.

"There ya go" he smiled and started out of the room, grabbing up a bag by the door. "It's not a local so just use the floo, I should be back in time for dinner but if not ya can head over next door or somewhere."

"Right, but where-"

"Love ya pet" he called and then disappeared with a loud pop.

"Where do I take this?" she finished with a sigh. How was she supposed to do this job if she didn't know where the package went? Or to who? It was rather rude to just floo into some strangers house unannounced and not knowing their name.

She looked the bag over and read the note.

_For: S.S. Five ashwinder eggs, frozen in jar. _

_Price: 20 g_

_Deliver to Spinners End_

She frowned. That was all she had? Really? With a huff she walked up to the floo and grabbed a hand full of powder from the bowl on the mantle. She'd just call in first, make herself known, then pop in, deliver, and come on back.

She threw it down and spoke what little information she had "S.S. Spinners End" and hoped it would be enough.

A green flame was produced and, rather nervously, she stuck her head into it.

"Hello?" she inquired, looking around with rather limited vision at the sitting room before her, dark and cramped and lined with books.

"What is it? Who…" A rather sharp and demanding voice barked out at her from the shadows then trailed off as a familiar figure came into view.

"Professor?" she asked.

"Ms. Dari? How…" he seemed stunned, speechless, she'd enjoy it if she wasn't in the same state herself.

A few moments of silence ticked by and she managed a soft "Da sent me."

"Da… Your father?"

"Y-Yeah. Maxus… You've got a order right? Five ashwinder eggs?"

"Ah… Yes I do."

"Should I pop over?"

He hesitated. "Yes."

She pulled her head out of the flame, let it burn out, grabbed another handful of powder, stepped into the floo, and was whisked away.

The landing was a little hard, like usual, and she almost fell down. Somehow she managed to stumble with limited grace out of tight space and into his sitting room, falling rather unceremoniously onto her knees a moment later, winded. Not necessarily because of the fall either.

He stood a little ways away, in front of a threadbare couch, arms clasped tight behind him, gaze set. That wasn't what surprised her. What surprised her was how downright sexy he was with his hair pulled up out of his face in a low ponytail, the first three buttons of his white shirt undone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Obviously he'd been working on something prior to her arrival and decided she quite liked the sight of him as a working man.

Her face warmed quickly with a dark blush and she looked away, holding out the bag clutched in her hand.

"H-Here ya go."

"Thank you" he murmured, swallowing thickly as he stepped forward and took the bag from her hand.

He turned and set it on the small table then returned to her side and held out his hand, silently offering to help her up. She took him up on his offer and smoothed down her wrinkled clothes afterwards, tugging down her tank top with a small mark of embarrassment as she realized it had ridden up her belly.

She was further embarrassed when she realized exactly what she was wearing. She didn't know why, it wasn't anything indecent, but suddenly her blue tank top felt too tight and sheer and her shorts felt too short. She'd worn this outfit all day with no problem but now that he was around she felt practically naked and wished she'd thrown on some long johns or something, anything to keep her from feeling so exposed.

She hadn't known she'd be seeing him. Even as she stood there she didn't know if she wanted to see him. He'd just disappeared right near the end of the year and she lost a months' worth of memory. She wondered if it had been from the shock of Dumbledore dying or something more, something concerning him and she wanted to ask but she didn't know if she really wanted to know. What if the answer was something she didn't want to hear?

"How have you been?" his cool voice broke her out of her thoughts and she looked curiously up at him, taking a moment to process the question.

A slight shrug of her shoulders preceded her sigh of "fine… A little bored" and her slight smile. "It's hot over in Ireland for once. Sorry about my clothes." She blushed again. "How about you?"

He frowned and looked away "busy… How has your memory been?"

That was blunt. She bit her lip and swayed a little from side to side, nervous. "I lost a month… I think… Maybe more."

His frown deepened and she felt her stomach sink. She felt bad that he seemed to feel bad.

"I haven't tried to think back too far" she supplied, hoping to ease his obvious concern. "But I can still remember Christmas and up till about February, things start getting a little fuzzy around March. Maybe I just didn't do anything worth remembering then."

A slightly forced smile quirked her lips and she looked down again at her worn shoes, different from the usual black ones she was required to wear at school. It was odd being out of uniform like this even though she'd been casual around him plenty of times before. It was just different though, different maybe because this place was unfamiliar and, in a way, he was unfamiliar. He was still an enigma, even more than before. Where had he gone and why?

She wrung her hands together and he watched her intently, sifting through her memories and thoughts slowly, carefully. The thoughts on the surface threw him, her musings about him, her opinion of his current appearance, her current appearance, his leaving. Deeper in he found glimpses of her summer, an overall pleasant affair, and when he came down into the last months of school he found small barriers and fragments of memory partly destroyed. The farther he pressed back the more he found locked away and after a time he came to nothing but white, a blank that terrified him and made him pull out and away from her mind as quickly as he could.

She was still just standing there when he came away and he looked away from her, not sure how to continue.

"What happened?" she asked, prompting him. He inhaled sharply and pointed her toward the couch.

"Take a seat."

She did as he asked, shuffling over to the couch quickly. She landed with a soft thud and shifted a little, it wasn't particularly comfortable but it would do. She was sitting across from him at least, could watch him as he sat and crossed his legs, folded his hands like he often did when thinking. What was he thinking?

She shifted again and looked down at her lap, the intensity of his gaze making her fidget.

"Do you really want to know?" he asked finally, the chill in his voice making the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

She swallowed hard and nodded "yes please."

He leaned back in his chair, settling himself, and watched her solidly. He would tell her if she wanted to know but he didn't know how much of this knowledge she would retain or if it might set her off. He would tread carefully, start with something she obviously knew… perhaps let her ask the questions.

"Dumbledore was murdered."

She nodded, this was common knowledge at this point and she shifted again, obviously not content. "Did you do it?"

He was surprised by her frankness and took a pause before saying "no."

"Draco?"

"No."

She frowned.

"We are not sure who did it… I was going to but we were attacked. One of the assailants committed the crime."

Her frown deepened and she tapped her fingers nervously together. She clearly did not like that answer but didn't dwell on the matter. "Was I there?" she questioned instead.

"Yes." And he elaborated no more past that.

A long silence stretched between them as she tried to think of something to say, her next question or statement, anything to fill the quiet. She tried to remember the incident, that night, and was met with nothing but a blank and a slight buzz in her head. Did she really want to know any more than that?

She swallowed again and leaned forward, green eyes meeting black with a stony seriousness. "Did I do anything… Strange?" she asked. Her heart hoped it wasn't the case but it was the only thing she could think of that might make her blank out so severely, she must have opened too much.

She saw him stiffen in his seat and nod slowly. "Shadow men" were the only words out of her mouth.

She sighed, looking down at her lap, and toed off her shoes so she could pull her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around them and pressed her face into her smooth skin. "I'm sorry" the words came out muffled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for... May I ask a question?"

"I don't know if I can answer it but sure."

"How did you do that?"

She smiled a slow, sad smile and looked him in the eyes again. "Have you ever heard of an Alice? Or the Alice? Her adventures in Wonderland?"

"The children's story?" he deadpanned.

"It's a little… a lot more than that actually. More like a documentary really. A historical fiction since some of the characters are made up, and the names of places are a little wrong. It's Other Land, not Wonderland, for instance."

"It's real?"

"Very real. And very dangerous… The shadow men came from there. I called them."

"How?"

"I opened."

He shifted this time, mulling over a question he'd kept to himself for the last two years. "What does it mean for something to be open or closed?"

She pursed her lips and he wondered if it was something she could not explain. She didn't seem distressed but she was extremely pensive.

"It's like… Um…" she let her legs down and crossed her arms, thinking. "I haven't explained it in years… Uh… Think of my mind like a hall full of doors. Behind each door is a memory of something, a word, a skill, an event, when the door is open the memory is there for me to see any time. When something is closed" her lips pursed again and she gave a thoughtful hum. "It's complicated then. Sometimes the doors lock and I can't get through without hurting myself, I can't get through even if I do. That only happens to things having to do with Other Land, or things that are traumatic… Also any time I go to the white… Have I told you about the white?"

"In a few words yes."

She nodded. "All those things close, and lock. Some things are just closed and I can open them if I try hard enough but it always hurts… It's better to let them open back up naturally. Sometimes after something happens too much closes, I lose things like words and names. They usually open up again later, or I re learn them, but it can be troublesome… Your gift helps with that" she smiled softly.

A slight smile quirked his lips too but quickly vanished. "Does that mean those shadow men were memories? How would you project them?"

"Ah" she smiled sheepishly. "I explained that badly. My mind has an open and a close and so does my body. If they were physical my body opened. I became a gate from Other Land to… where ever it was that we were. It's very hard to open like that, it can make me sick… It could kill me really… The act is an abomination" she sighed.

"What makes you say that?"

"Other Land is a parallel to the land of the dead, it's like a stop in Limbo, or the final stop for some who really like it… The reason I can't remember drawing from there, why no Alice can remember, is because it's against the way of nature to be living and yet drawing from the dead, the other. It's wrong to be able to walk both planes and that's why it's so traumatizing. Our bodies perceive anything from the other world as a threat to our lives, so do our minds. That's why I shut down and go to the white, my mind can't take it. If I was any more conscious of the things I do, can do, have done, I might go crazy, it might break me. It could break anyone really. The mind isn't made to comprehend that level of ascension while alive… Or awake at least."

He let that sink in for a long while then let his scholarly half get the best of him. "Does that imply your capability to retain information about this world while asleep?"

She smiled again. "You're such a smart man. Dreaming is how many, if not most people cope with their scattered thoughts and such. Alices cope and deal with Other Land while dreaming. We take on new personas and watch our domains, organize them, build up our kingdoms."

"Can you remember these dreams?"

"Most of the time. It's the only way we know any of it exists and even then we occasionally question our sanity… It does seem pretty crazy doesn't it?"

She gave a sad laugh at that and looked away. It had been a while since she'd explained this to anyone, at least six years now, and she felt so awkward, so different. No one in her family, and it was only her family who knew, ever made her feel bad about it. Two of her cousins had abilities close to her own as did her grandmother and oldest aunt, but she was the only true Alice and it was so strange. She felt… wrong.

"Lauren."

His voice brought her from the depressing spiral of her mind and she regarded him with another shy look. She did not feel herself, had not for quite some time but only noticed it now in his presence. There was something about him that always accentuated her true nature, her open heartedness, and with him gone for so long she'd drifted into the closed off person she reverted to when worried or when looking not to worry others. She would not have told anyone else these things, she should not have told him, but he compelled her to, not just with words but with his entire being.

His eyes were deep and searching, and commanded truth, his voice that sultry tone, softened for her benefit.

When he unfolded his hands and uncrossed his legs she wanted nothing more than to move into his open embrace and feel safe. She wanted to be secure for the first time since he left, wanted to know nothing but that he was there and that he would protect her because some deeper part of her mind, some part covered by the white, was still able to touch her subconscious and tell her he would.

After his initial address silence stretched between them, he watching her and she him. Nervously she pressed her hands together, fingers playing about each other, and wondered if he would say anything more. She wanted him to but she didn't know what.

"Do not return to Hogwarts."

She gave a start at his words, head snapping up. Whatever she wanted him to say it wasn't that and she felt her throat constrict as she forced out the word "why" quietly.

"If it is details you want you will not get them. Simply know that things may be coming to a head this year and I-" he caught himself and then continued somberly. "It would be unfortunate for you to be put in harm's way" he also avoided adding 'again' to the end of that.

"It'll be dangerous?" she asked, wide eyed.

"Yes."

He watched her gaze fall again, to her lap, and recalled the years before when she would always hold his gaze. In some ways he found that her looking away meant she trusted him, meant she was comfortable enough to keep her eyes off him and bare herself and emotions. While in many people a look away was hiding, in her it was sheer exposure… He wished she wouldn't do that, wished she didn't trust him. It would make these things so much easier, would take from him the immense worry for her wellbeing, the feelings he'd grown for her that were still uneven and unnatural and painful most of all. He did not want to feel as he did, did not want to because the only other person he had felt this for had died…

"I'm going then" she finally said and he found his eyes met with green ones, shades away from those of his first love but still so beautiful.

They were filled with a tumultuous storm of emotion, one he knew he would be hard pressed to quell, but he had to try. His own gaze hardened and he folded his hands again, regarding the small young woman on his couch, being defiant.

"And why, pray tell, would you go and do something as foolish as that?"

"It would be foolish of me not to go" she shot back quickly.

"Oh?"

"Yes."

She held him in her sights, level in face though her heart hammered frantically against her ribs and her lungs felt full of led. She was terrified, so scared for her life, but she couldn't let him know.

"Ms. Dari-"

"I can't just abandon them" she cut in, taking note of the fact that she was Lauren when he sought to comfort and Ms. Dari when he wanted authority. "My friends I mean, it's not fair that they'll be there and I won't, that they'll have to suffer or fight or whatever it is they'll have to do and I'll be home, safe and sound."

"You should concern yourself more with your own wellbeing Ms. Dari. Twice now this regard for others has-" he stopped himself this time. What was he going to say? That she had broken herself, hurt herself, made herself sick? He didn't know what name to put to it and he did not want to inadvertently cause her pain by making her think of these things.

Thankfully she came in again, just as he paused, looking at him with a steely sadness in her eyes. "It doesn't matter."

"What?"

"I… I don't matter… Not as much as they do anyway. And I'm sturdy, I can take it, I-"

"Stop" he admonished rather far more harshly than he'd meant to, voice rising with a bubble of anger in the pit of his stomach. She flinched and shut her mouth, pulling back into the couch as he stood suddenly and advanced on her small form.

His body shadowed over her blocked out all the dim lighting of the room. His hands pressed just above her head on the back of the couch, she blinked up at him as he lowered himself closer to her face.

"Listen to me" he said in an angered hiss, face just inches from hers now. "never say that. Never say that again. Do you understand me? Swear to me that you will never say that again. Foolish thoughts like those ones, foolish words, are what get idiot girls killed. You may think you are being a noble martyr but you are nothing but stupid and you will…" he trailed off, taking in her fearful, heartbroken appearance and leaned back slightly. "You will only destroy yourself."

She trembled under him and looked away from his burning, black eyes. His words hurt her more than they scared her but they didn't hurt enough it seemed. She still found the strength to plow on, trying to make her point clear. She began to stutter. "I… I'm only telling the truth-"

He seized her by the front of her shirt and shook her harshly, making her gasp.

"The truth? Hardly Ms. Dari. You are lying to me blatantly. You are fragile and you know it, twice now I have seen you broken… Yes, broken is a proper word for it. I have seen your mind shattered and blankted in this thing you call the white. And do you know what that has done to me?"

"No" she whimpered.

"Of course you don't. You do not consider me when you go off, traipsing about with Potter or Malfoy, but let me enlighten you." He released her and stood straight, tall and imposing as he towered above her.

"You drive me mad with worry. You terrify me because I do not know if you will be alright. When I see you broken as you have been I fear you will not come back whole, that your mind will be lost. I can mend a body Ms. Dari, but a mind is irreplaceable and you are wearing yours down… You are destroying yourself and I…" he swallowed thickly. "I cannot bear to watch it."

His eyes searched hers and he was struck to see them swimming with tears. Perhaps he really was reaching her, perhaps he could convince her now, to stay away from Hogwarts, from Harry and Draco, from himself. He plowed on though her eyes begged him not to, though he did not want to. He couldn't stand to bare his soul in this way but he had to. She needed him to, he needed to. Resting a hand on the top of her head he breathed out a long sigh. He needed a measure of calm for his next question, or wanted it at least. He wanted to make her aware of his sincerity, convey to her the feelings he could not properly express.

His hand trailed down, palm coming to a stop on her cheek. He tilted her face up towards him and stared into her imploring, swimming eyes. All her feeling was conveyed through those eyes, all her hope and all her fear. She was open, even without legimancy, she was bared to him and begging him not to hurt her, not to cast her away.

He thumbed away a tear that escaped the corner of her eye and gave her a look that pushed forth all his sincerity and feeling, all of his own desperation.

"What am I to do if you die?"

And he couldn't believe he'd said that. It was something he'd thought certainly but never something he should have said, would have said if she was not the one sitting there with that sad look on her face. He was not a man to vocalize these thoughts, they made it seem like he cared, but much as she was open to trusting him he seemed compelled to be honest with her, had always been. As he thought back he realized that he had never lied to her directly. Perhaps he had told half-truths or refused to give information, but he did not lie, he could not because to do that would be to break her trust and her fragile being.

He felt her trembling again, not just her hands but her whole body. His words had shaken her and she looked away, leaning her cheek into his touch as his words bounced about in her head. A sad smile slipped onto her face and her eyes closed, squeezing out a few more of those nearly stoppered tears.

"Forget and move on."

He stiffened. "What?"

"Dying young… It's been a possibility ever since I stepped into Other Land all those years ago. If I die… If I die I'll make sure you forget. I don't want you to hurt, Severus." She turned her face into his hand and kissed his palm and he wanted to do nothing more than weep, the urge so strong as wave after wave of terrible despair washed over his mind. It was the first time she had ever used his given name and she said it with such gentility, such tenderness. He realized he was fighting a losing battle as soon as she said it, that she would not succumb to his will this time, that she would come along and face the evil that awaited regardless of what he said.

"I'm sorry if I've been a cause of pain." She continued and this time it was he who wanted her to stop talking. "But I can't forsake all the people I love just because I'm scared… And I am terrified. Far more than you know."

He doubted that, he was sure he could gauge her level of terror, just as immense as his own not at the prospect of death or torture at the hands of the dark lord but of the possibility that she might suffer that fate, that he may let another die. He didn't think his heart could take it.

"Lauren" he said with all the evenness he could muster. "Please don't-"

"I'll be careful, and I'll be okay… You know why?"

He swallowed thickly "why?"

"Because I'll have you to protect me. You and Draco and Harry and all my friends. We'll protect each other… It'll be okay. I'm sturdy and..."

"And?" he asked.

She paused, looked terribly sad for a moment, then smiled a forced smile. "And… and it'll be okay."

He knew she was leaving something unsaid but couldn't press her, didn't want to. He did not want her to say another thing because with every word she verified his worst fears. With every word she solidified her attachment to him and his to her, with every word she solidified her love.

He drew his hand away and took a seat on the couch beside her, closing his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"A terribly stubborn little witch you are" he murmured and she gave a small laugh.

"I've spent too much time around you, an equally stubborn wizard" and her lips were warm and soft against his cheek.

He caught her around the waist before she could pull away and secured her in his arms, holding her tight against him. He wanted nothing more than to keep her here in his embrace, safe… safe as she could be with him. He didn't want to lose her, didn't want her hurt but didn't want to give her up. He could not have it all, he knew that and knew this wouldn't end well, but as he held her he made a promise.

If one of them was to die, it would not be her. It didn't matter what he had to do to assure that, he would give his life if he had too, but she would not die.

"I will protect you" he muttered into her hair.

She gave a small, unseen smile and replied "I'm sturdier than you think," silently wondering who exactly would protect him.

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**Right, so, this one had a lot in it. First a peek at her father. He's a very nice man, a potions master. He made his apperance 1. to give Lauren a reason to go over and 2. to show that she has a good family life and parents who love her. It seems to be kinda rare in fiction that girls have a good home so, yeah. Her family loves her. =3 **

**Next thing, you probably can't use the floo with that little info on where you're going but whatever, it's a fan fic. XD **

**Um now the actual confusing stuff. Open, Closed, and Alices. I made them up, based off of Alice's adventures in wonderland because, why not. I had the idea one day and just ran with it when I designed her character. You'll be seeing more of it as the story comes to a close and get more explanations but if you really wanna know more just ask me, I'll tell ya =3 It was a lot of the whole, fairy tales have actual truth within the magical world. I was tempted to make an entire series like that.**

**Adressing Snape's behavior. He's scared. He knows, more or less, what's going to happen and he's scared of losing Lauren like he lost Lilly. I think it's a legit fear. Hope you all didn't see him as ooc or anything.**

**And, fun fact! One of the prototypes of this chapter took a markedly more... mature turn. It's still in my files but I was not about to post it as a part of this fic. XD It was just... I don't even know. My brain ran away with me. Didn't wanna have to change the rating to M though so, yeah...**

**I feel like I'm rambling senslessly without really telling you guys anything so it's time to stop. XD Thanks for reading and if you've got any questions, comments, or advice throw em my way. If not thanks for reading. Have a good day/night/other!**


	21. Little Miss Trustworthy

**Chapter 21! Year 7. Their final year at Hogwarts isn't starting so well. Lauren, Luna, and Neville adress important things, can they really trust her? **

**Very short chapter between these three, though it's mostly Lauren and Neville talking. I think it touches on some things I needed to touch on and set up the scenario of the next chapter. I'll talk more at the end. ^^**

**As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, Beesy, Sevre and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

**Read and enjoy everyone~**

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Chapter 21 – Little Miss Trustworthy

They were the only three there right now, Lauren, Luna and Neville. It was very lonely and very quiet and no one knew what to say.

Two days in, just two, and already things were awful. The train's interception by Death Eaters had frightened everyone but to have them stalking about the castle kept everyone on edge.

Since Severus was headmaster now, and had someone in his office almost twenty four seven, she hadn't gotten to see him, but she wanted to desperately. She couldn't rightly say that she hadn't seen him in forever, she had spent several days in his company as Summer drew to a close, but it had been a few weeks at least. She missed him.

Luna could see that longing gaze in her eyes and Lauren suspected she knew. She hadn't told anyone but she knew Luna knew. The girl was perceptive, always had been, but she didn't mind. She was sure the whole school suspected something, had since last year or the year before. She was the only one who spent so much time around him and Hogwarts was like any other school. Rumors spread, just not always loudly.

She was sure they were going to spread this year if they hadn't already. She didn't know why, but something told her they would. As everyone readied for what would inevitably be some kind of conflict anyone who associated themselves with certain people, especially him, would be looked upon with distain. She would probably be one of the first singled out, besides the obvious Slytherins, and she could only hope that it didn't interfere with her helping the army and the Order.

She just wanted to help, she didn't care what they wanted to think anymore… She was trying not to anyway.

She looked down at her lap, her folded hands, her bracelet. She felt a little more secure in herself with that piece of silver around her wrist and managed a small smile. Even if everyone else thought ill of her, she'd have him.

"Ask him a question for me" Neville said suddenly and she jumped at his voice, echoing in the large room.

"Hm?" she blinked, not quite following.

"I want to know how he could let death eaters roam about. I want to know what the hell is wrong with him."

And she was surprised to hear his words. They came out in a level, conversational tone, maybe a little aggravated, and he kept looking at his hands too. He seemed calm but under the surface he was probably seething.

Luna stared at him, obviously surprised, and Lauren moved away a bit.

"I haven't seen him recently-"

"Well when you do" he practically spat and she fell silent. What more could she say really? It was odd for him to be like this, so angry, but she understood where it came from. The bastards were using crucio for detentions and the number of students who had already been subjected to it was staggering. Neville wasn't among them but he probably would be eventually and he had a special place of hatred in his heart for that curse. She could understand his feelings, if only a little bit.

Feeling dejected she moved down the bench they occupied a little more and nodded. "I'll be sure to do that."

He nodded too and looked her way.

"Be straight with me Lauren, can we trust you?"

She looked at him too feeling hurt but accepting his skepticism. "Yes."

"Can you prove it?"

"No."

They watched each other for a long moment after and then he nodded again. "Okay."

He reached out and patted her gently on the shoulder, coaxing her closer so he could give her a clumsy, one armed hug around the shoulders.

She smiled a little, glad he understood. She could swear up and down that she was loyal, she could do task after task for them, but it would never really prove anything. If she was going to betray them, which she wasn't, it would happen regardless of how many good things she did. She was just relieved he understood hat, relieved she had answered properly.

Luna leaned forward and smiled at her and Lauren held out a hand that the blond grasped tightly.

"It's up to us now." Neville said as they joined hands. "Us and whoever else we can get to stand with us till they get back."

Lauren nodded. "Should we start recruiting now? It seems early."

"The sooner the better." He nodded. "We need to start moving people in here. But not in mass. Just us members of the army first don't you think?"

She and Luna nodded. It seemed like a good idea.

"Then we can mull through the rest and see who we can really trust… Can you go through Slytherin? When the time comes I mean."

"Slytherin?" she was surprised he asked. She hadn't expected him to want anyone from that house anywhere near them.

"They're not all bad blokes" he said, recalling the few odd persons in that house who weren't under dark influences and who were in danger there. The half bloods and two Muggle-Borns that he knew of came to mind immediately. "You get on with them well enough anyway. It'll be less suspicious if you're down there talking to them and you're-"

He cut himself off but she could pretty well guess what he was going to say, something akin to 'immune'. It was no secret that students who had been caught in 'Dumbledore's Army' two years ago were an instant target for the new staff to torture. So far only a few had actually faced physical punishment but she was the only one who'd yet to get at least a verbal lashing. Truthfully it probably was intervention by Severus since she knew she'd seen at least one of them somewhere before. Her memory was funny when she tried to remember of course but she knew she'd seen him and she knew he recognized her.

She sighed. She supposed she should be grateful, and she was, but she didn't think it was fair her friends had to hurt and she was exempt.

"I'll do what I can" she told him, giving her most confident smile, trying to raise spirits.

He smiled weakly back and wrung his hands together nervously, looking down to his shoes. "Can I ask one more favor of you?"

His tone concerned her a touch but she nodded. "Go on."

"Talk to Malfoy… See if you can get any information out of him… About what they might be planning maybe?"

Her brow furrowed. "Why Draco?" she would've guessed he'd want her to interrogate Severus.

Neville sat up a little straighter. "Snape wouldn't tell you anything would he? He's too smart. Malfoy's smart too, and smug, but I think some of that confidence is fake… And he fancies you."

She blinked, partly startled, and thought on his words. The first part made sense but… "Draco doesn't-"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed" he said, exasperated. "And people say we men are thick headed" he grumbled.

"H-Hey" she pouted. "I'm not… Okay sometimes I am, but Draco does not fancy me!" She held up her free hand to silence his next words. "Anyway, I'll probably feel bad about this later but I'll see what I can do. I need to talk to him anyway."

"Thanks" he said, patting her on the back. "And while you do that we'll start rounding up the others… It's gonna be a long year."

Lauren sighed and gave a slight smile. He had no idea.

* * *

**Denial maybe? She doesn't vividly remember the whole confontation in that classroom though, to her credit. Her memory is funny. **

**Anyway, I thought these things might be issues and should be adressed. It's no secret that she spends unusual amounts of time with Professor Snape and people tend to talk when two students of opposite genders hang out too much. When it's the teacher no one likes minds are bound to wander. And with the death eaters roaming around and not targeting her, even though she was a known member of Dumbeldore's Army, could also hint that she's on their side so yeah. Neville is smart to be wary.**

**Never written for him before so I might've gotten him a touch out of character. Hope not though, i tried. Figured that at this point he was probably a little tougher than when he was a kid, ready to ask these questions even if he didn't want to. **

**Eh? I dunno. Questions, comments, suggestions? Send em my way! Or just mosey on by. Eitherway, thanks for reading! =3**


	22. Little Miss Mature

**Chapter 22! Year 7. Lauren and Draco's talk doesn't go as she planned. He's made his choice though. **

**Yet another short chapter, so sorry. They'll start gaining length again in the next one and all the ones after that. I had a touch of trouble with this one but I think it worked out nicely in the end. I'll have more comments for you at the end. =3 **

**As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, Beesy, Sevre, Mrs. Barnes and anonymous reviewer Bree.**

**And of course thank you to all the random readers out there. Hope everyone can enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 22 – Little Miss Mature

It was hard to catch Draco on his own now-a-days. Usually he was with his flunkies and one or two death eaters at least and those were all people she wanted to avoid. At most he was being flocked by the Slytherins like he was some sort of idol… Maybe he was, she didn't know.

All she knew was that when she caught him walking alone down a corridor one evening she didn't think before rushing up to him, arms wrapping tight around him in a hug she hadn't known she wanted so badly.

He reacted with a surprised yelp but didn't push her away, noticing who she was. Instead her latched on to her and squeezed, tight.

When they separated he grabbed her hand and dragged her down the hall without a word. She followed with no protest and he led her into an empty room, locking the door behind them.

He hugged her again when the door was secured, tugged her into his lap when he sat heavily in one of the chairs.

For a long while they just sat in silence, no tears, no noise, just quiet. She was thinking, thinking about what Neville said and about Draco as a person, about what he was and what he could do, might do. And she wondered what he was thinking? Maybe about himself or her or his life… Maybe he wasn't thinking anything at all. Maybe he wanted a break from it.

"How've you been?" she finally ventured to ask when his grip started to loosen.

"A bloody mess" he replied dourly, surprised at himself for his honesty. "You?"

She smiled sadly. "A bit of the same… Probably a little less."

He nodded, then squeezed her a little tighter. "What're you doing here?"

She laughed a hollow little laugh and rested her hand on top of his. "I go to school here silly."

He scoffed. "Don't play dumb Dari. You know what I mean."

"Do I?" she frowned, turning her head to look at him.

"Yes, and stop pretending that you don't. You shouldn't be here."

"Why not?"

Another squeeze, this one tighter than the rest, and he glared at her. "Because you… You're going to get killed. You'll die unless..."

"Unless?" she prompted.

"Say yes." He pleaded softly, pressing his face into the crook of her neck. "Say you'll join us, say you'll join me. It's the only thing you can do to save yourself now. Please-" A choked sob escaped him and she could feel tears on her skin, could feel his chest hitch against her back.

She grimaced and rested a hand on top of his. This again? She'd hoped he would stop, realize that she wasn't the one who needed to switch sides. She guess that wasn't the case though, guessed he didn't get the message.

"Why don't you say yes?" she countered quietly. "Do what's right… We can help you know. I can-"

"No" he snapped again then said more quietly "no… I can't and you can't. Don't you understand? They're too powerful." He shuddered. "He's too powerful. Potter is gone and whatever you think you can do you can't."

She huffed at his comment and wiggled out of his grip, standing and turning to look at him. He looked a mess, hair and clothes ruffed, eyes red, cheeks blotchy pink. As much as she wanted to be frustrated with him she could only really accomplish pity. She still needed to say what she was going to say though.

Hands on her hips she regarded him with the sternest look she could manage and took a deep breath. "Yes I can" she started. "And I'm tired of you telling me I can't. I'm tired of you throwing my offers of help back in my face. You know what you're doing is wrong Draco, and you want to stop, don't you? If you didn't you wouldn't be such a wreck, you'd be excited for it like those sadistic bastards. You're a good person."

He looked away from her and she rested a gentle hand on the top of his head, sighing. "You're a great person Draco, there's just a lot of people telling you to do bad things… You don't have to listen though. It's your choice."

"It's never been my choice" he grumbled. "And it never will be. How can I make you understand that?"

"You can't" she replied softly, stepping back when he stood up.

His eyes were watering, his hands shaking, but his face betrayed no particular feeling. He looked blank, almost broken. The look felt familiar and painful and she looked down, gaze snapping back up when he stepped forward and took her face in his hands.

"Do you care about me Dari…? Lauren?"

She blinked, confused by the question and answered hesitantly. "Of course I do."

He seemed conflicted for a moment, very unsure, then spoke again. "You don't love me, do you?"

Her shoulders slumped and she felt her heart break, knowing the answer she had to give. "Not in the way you want me to."

Silence came and they watched each other. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers.

"Close your eyes."

"W-What?"

"Just… Please. Let me… Just once."

She sighed, this felt oddly familiar, but did as he asked. Her breath caught in her chest when he pressed his lips against hers, wrapped her arms around him. One of his hands left her face and he wrapped his arm around her waist, hugging her close. The kiss was soft, brief, and full of tenderness. He hesitated to pull away and kissed her forehead when he did.

Another long moment passed and he was the one to step away first, away and around her, going towards the door.

"Draco, wait" she called after him.

He stopped but did not turn. "You've made your choice. So have I… Take care of yourself."

She watched, heartbroken, as he walked out. She felt like she had failed, failed him and herself and all her friends. She hadn't gotten any of the information she'd wanted, she didn't convince him to join their side, she'd failed.

She could hardly believe it.

Taking a deep breath she fought back her tears. Crying would do her no good now, she still had a lot to do, and not just with fighting the army of darkness. She had a potions paper due and study group for her N.E., she couldn't go around looking a complete mess.

She dabbed her eyes with her kerchief, making sure all the un-spilled tears were gone, and brought a tentative hand to her lips before letting it fall to her side. She shouldn't have let him do that, she felt bad about it, but he'd just been so… Broken. Morally it had been the wrong decision, she hoped Severus never found out, but she thought it might've been better than rejecting him completely. Better for his wellbeing, his fragile state. And she didn't want to hurt him any more than he was already hurt.

With a sigh she left.

She walked quietly though the halls, head up though she felt small and scared and worried. Though she wanted to cry and scream, though she wanted to run up to the head master's office and hug Severus till the end of time, she kept calm and kept going.

Perhaps it had only just hit home, perhaps she had just now matured enough to understand, but it was coming to her. This was all real. It wasn't some dream she could forget. What she did now might matter, would, in the upcoming battle. She was sure there'd be one.

She'd just dropped the ball and she couldn't again. She needed to focus, to do what was asked of her and she would. She didn't quite know how, but she would.

* * *

**So, what did you think? I'm a touch on the fence about it but at the same time I really like how it came out. I enjoyed writing it, especially the last part since I enjoy character growth. It's been a while with Lauren, this story has gotten way bigger than I thought it would, and she's grown so much. Being able to show that she's matured, learned that she should at least try to put a hold on her tears, is awesome because that means I've really gotten to develop her. **

**And Draco too! A lot of people only see Draco as an emotionless prick, which he is some times, but he's a lot deeper than that and I like to think he feels a lot, like Severus. It's been great to be able to show that, show him sort of falling apart slowly, not to sound mean or anything. She's just wearing him down, like she did with Sev, but since she doesn't love him in that way it's harder, especially since he know it and is a little bitter for it. **

**He really cares about the people he cares for though and he wants them to be safe, doesn't matter if what they're doing is wrong or right. **

**I fought for a long time with the "do you love me?" question. At first he confessed that he loved her but I thought that was too much. Even if he does I don't feel like he'd say it, it would be like letting go of that one last defense he has against her and I can't see him doing that at this juncture anyway. Hope it works alright. **

**Oh, and if you're confused about the whole 'say yes' thing I shall explain. I believe it was in the chapter Little Miss Guardian where he asks if she's considered his offer. He asked her to join the Death Eaters. She obviously said no and asked him to join their side instead. He said no too. Just thought I'd explain in case it was confusing. **

**And... yeah. That's it I think. Questions, comments, or advice? Throw em my way! If not thanks for reading~ Have a good day/night/other!**


	23. Little Miss Love

**Chapter 23! Year 7. Heroism sometimes causes pain and feelings can not always be said. They can be shown however.**

**Probably the most serious chapter I've ever written. I liked it, hope you guys do too~**

**As always thanks and smiles to PandaWong, SandyLovesKittens, XenaHades, nightworldangel, FonzFan, The Yoshinator, Isa'ralia Faradien, Lost Astronaut Of Apollo 11, Readergirl99, DrainaPurpurne2412, sara253xxx, XenaHades, innocentrini, FangScarlet, Beesy, Sevre, Mrs. Barnes and anonymous reviewers Bree and sirolives****.**

**There'll be an authors note at the end as always so til then I hope you enjoy reading!**

* * *

Chapter 23 – Little Miss Love

They walked in single file to and from classes, Death Eaters flanking them.

She didn't much mind but it sent the firsties to shaking and she tried to keep an eye on them till their paths started to deviate and the years were separated.

Sometimes they would stumble, miss step and fall out of line. She corralled them back quickly when she could, not wanting them to get in trouble, but she supposed she couldn't catch them all when she watched a young Hufflepuff boy trip over what seemed to be nothing at all and barrel into the man beside him.

The Death Eater, one of the Carrow brothers she thought, pushed the small boy away and to the ground, a sinister look on his face.

He drew his wand and the entire crowd flinched, not wanting to witness whatever hex he had prepared for the small boy.

Her fist clenched and, before she could think any rational thoughts, she stepped out of line too and ran to the boy's side. She stood in front of him and glared hard at the black clad man. "Don't."

He scowled at her, wand still raised. "Move before I move you."

"No. If you're going to punish someone, punish me. He's too small, you might kill him. Even if you torture us you're still supposed to keep us alive. I'm bigger, I'll live. Punish me."

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Luna, along with the rest of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff house, gaping at her. The blond looked like she wanted to say something, do something, but she didn't. Lauren didn't fault her for it, this was probably going to hurt rather terribly and the less people who had to suffer through the better.

The man continued with his unattractive sneering and then, before she could steel herself, he flicked his wand.

"Crucio!"

She fell to the floor writhing. It hurt so much, so much that she couldn't think, couldn't breathe. She opened her mouth to scream but didn't know if any noise came out, she couldn't hear and couldn't see past the painful, bright red clouding her vision. She wanted to cry but she didn't think she could and knew she shouldn't, she shouldn't give him the satisfaction.

When would it stop though? She couldn't stand much more, her whole body felt on fire. Why wouldn't it stop?!

Suddenly it did and she fell still, body too worn out to even gasp for breath. She couldn't help the tears that slipped from the corners of her eyes as she lay there and watched her vision come back slowly, blurred because her glasses had been dropped in her fall.

Mutedly she could hear a voice, one she recognized… Draco?

"You idiot!" he was shouting at someone. "What've you done? What've you done!?"

She was starting to get the feeling back in her limbs now and pushed herself up on her elbows with obvious effort. Draco came into view then, standing over Carrow with a fist raised. Had he punched him?

Another Death Eater, one of the Carrow's slow cronies, came into her slightly limited field of vision and looked first at the downed man, then Draco, then her.

She thought she saw him blanch but couldn't tell with her bad eyes.

"You're not supposed to touch that one" he said, sounding a touch panicked. "That one belongs to Snape. You aren't supposed to touch her…"

"What?" that was Carrow's voice, and then…

"What is going on here?"

That was Severus's voice and it was the greatest comfort she'd had in a while. Forcing herself to her knees she turned towards him, caught his gaze, then looked pointedly at the man who had caused her this pain.

"He used Crucio on her!" Draco shouted, summarizing the events simply before charging the rising man again. They both fell in a heap and the younger landed another strong hit to his jaw.

Lauren flinched when she heard something crack and hoped no one had just had something broken.

Severus had the other man drag Draco off of Carrow and glared hard at both of them.

"What is the meaning of this?" and she shuddered. His voice was dripping with anger and it was clear to her that he was seething. If looks could kill the two would be ash and she felt compelled to say something, anything to appease him, get rid of that look.

"It's okay" was the first thing that spilled out and all their gazes were on her again. She tried not to grimace and made herself stand slowly after picking up her glasses. "I told him to do it."

"What sort of foolishness-" Snape began but she cut him off, rather brave, or stupid of her.

"He was going to… I didn't want him to hurt the little one." She looked over her shoulder and found the boy still there, shaking and looking up at her with tears streaming down his face.

She forced a smile toward him. "Stop that. I'm fine. Get back in line."

He nodded and returned to the line still shaking, trying not to sob.

She turned back to the terrifying group and bit her lip, eyes locking with Snape's. "He's just so small you know. I was afraid the pain might kill him. I'm fine though, it doesn't even hurt anymore" that was lie. "I'm fine and I'm sorry to have spoken out. It's my own fault though and I've been punished so…" she trailed off and looked at Draco, he looked away.

She sighed and took a step back towards her line, ready to return to it and go to class.

Severus didn't seem to agree with that plan though and caught her tight by the upper arm. "You are coming with me" he snarled, letting go once the words were said. He began walking and she hesitated as he continued to speak, glaring at the men as he passed.

"Carrow, go to the infirmary. I will deal with you later. Malfoy, go to class and come to my office immediately after."

She stood still for a moment longer, stunned and still sore, then jumped. His voice was so loud as he shouted.

"Lauren! Come!"

She straightened up her posture and walked briskly to his side, giving Luna a look of slight reassurance as she passed.

She tried not to look pained as she walked but she didn't do very well. He noticed and slowed their walk but said nothing as he led her to the Head Master's office.

She was relieved to have a chair to sit in when they got up to the room and sighed with slight contentment as she sat. Though the worst of the pain was long gone there was still an ache in her skin and her bones that felt like needles worming their way through her body. It hurt enough to make her want to cry but she was trying not to. He seemed so upset, she didn't want to add fuel to the fire.

In front of her he was pacing, back and forth behind his desk. She didn't say anything to him about it, didn't say anything at all, but watched him intently as he moved.

It was the first time she'd seen him so closely for nearly a month and a half now and it was spoiled because he was so angry and… Was that worry on his face.

Suddenly he turned to her, slammed his hands down on the desktop and shouted. "What were you thinking?!"

She wondered if he actually wanted an answer or if he was simply vocalizing thoughts. Either way, she'd told him. She thought that poor little boy might die from the pain. Sure it wasn't likely but hey, it hurt more than anything she'd ever felt and she'd gone through a lot, felt a lot of pain.

"Well" he prompted and she realized it wasn't rhetorical.

"I thought better me than him… He was so little-"

"Fool" he scoffed and rounded the desk so that he could stand right in front of her, take up all her personal space. "This is exactly why I didn't want you to come back, why you _needed _to stay home. You're a reckless little fool."

She scowled at him. "So I should've just let him get tortured? I should have let that bastard use an unforgivable on a first year?"

"Perhaps that would have been the wiser option" he suggested, hands braced on the chairs arm rests now as he leaned down to her face.

"It would have been the selfish option, the cowardly option" she retorted. "I did what was right and you know it!"

She gave a huff and looked away, heart thumping hard in her chest. She hadn't meant to shout but he was frustrating her, they all were. People kept questioning her, her loyalty, her feelings, her choices, her actions. They questioned every little thing she did and she was tired of it. Was it so hard to believe that she knew what she was doing, that she could make a proper decision for herself or someone else?

"Lauren"

She turned her gaze back to him slowly.

"How would you feel if you saw me in pain?"

She frowned. "I'd feel awful."

"How do you think I feel?"

Now that just wasn't fair. Her shoulders slumped and she looked down at her lap. Save one person from pain, cause it for another. She still stood by her choice but she felt bad now. She'd meant what she said in the summer about not wanting him hurt and knowing that she'd caused him pain…

"I want to say I'm sorry but if I do it means I admit being wrong… I don't think what I did was wrong. I didn't think it would hurt you though."

"You never think about these things" he chastised. "You think of everyone but me it seems. Though I take every precaution with your wellbeing, make you untouchable, you still find a way to get yourself hurt. Quite the skill" he sneered.

She took another deep breath and looked away once more. She did not want to shout again, did not want to make an ass of herself, but she couldn't take this. Why was he trying to make her the bad guy?

"I didn't ask for that" she said, regretting it as soon as the words came out.

"Oh? You'd rather be subjected to torture with your little friends then?" he glared.

"I didn't say that either. I just…" her eyes came back to his and she felt herself crack. He looked so genuinely hurt and angry and she couldn't take it. Against all her wants and better judgment, against her will, tears began to flow. "Stop it" she cried, to both him and her tears. "Just stop it please. I didn't want any of this to happen but now it has and there's no taking it back so stop."

She looked down at her lap, ashamed of her tears, of her outbursts, of herself. How was it that he brought out the best and worst of her, that he could pull out those emotions of fear and disappointment better than anyone else? If this had been anyone else her chances of standing strong would have been much better but she couldn't take him, couldn't take thinking she'd disappointed him, knowing she'd hurt him.

He stood straight again, leaned back against his desk, and watched her.

The look on his face was unreadable, neutral, but inside there was a storm of emotions. He was angry at her for putting herself in harms way, for disregarding the precautions he'd made to keep her safe, but he was also angry at himself for making her cry. He was worried for her wellbeing and still felt the residual fear from earlier when he'd seen her there on the ground. He was sad because she was sad, and sad that she seemed to never think of how it would affect him when she jumped into these crazy things. Perhaps he was selfish for it, for always wanting her consideration before she did things, but could he really help it? He'd lost someone before and he didn't want it to happen again. If she just thought more carefully…

He ran a hand through his hair and looked down at her. He wanted to offer her comfort, touch her, hug her, but he was afraid his actions would be rebuffed. He didn't think he could handle it and instead settled on fetching a pain relief potion from behind his desk.

"Drink this" he said quietly, pushing it into her hands.

She uncorked it and did as he said, trying not to grimace at the taste.

It help though, dulling the ache to nothing more than an uncomfortable stiffness in her limbs. She handed the bottle back to him and muttered a soft thanks, still not meeting his eye.

"Anything more I can do?" he questioned.

"Mind if I take this block and next off? I'd like to take a shower… maybe a nap too."

He nodded. That sounded reasonable. "Would you like to shower here?" He realized belatedly that that offer was perhaps not as reasonable, or at least not ethical. He did have a shower up here though and she wouldn't be bothered. He looked at her, she seemed a little surprised at his offer, and rolled his shoulders. He was feeling a little stiff too.

"If you wouldn't mind." The answer shocked him a bit but he nodded and pushed away from his desk, walked around to the back of the room where there was a door blending in with the wall.

He pushed it open and she followed him into the Head Masters quarters. He didn't sleep in the large room very often since he preferred his place down in the dungeons but it served to be convenient when he needed it.

He pointed her to the bathroom, told her where the towels and soap were, then left her to her own devices.

She stripped down and hopped into a hot shower when she knew he was gone and leaned against the wall under the spray. It felt so nice and soothing and she felt all the tension flow out of her slowly. A few tears and then a few more slid down her cheeks as she released the rest of her built up frustrations and then she let herself start to openly bawl.

Away from him and his smoldering black eyes she felt secure enough to drown in all the feelings she had, all the guilt, sorrow, anger, and fear. She was amazed she'd been able to keep it in for the most part. Sure she'd cried a little in their previous altercation but she was a wreck now.

She just felt so terrible.

Sliding slowly down the wall she sat curled up in the tub and let the water fall over her. It would be nice to stay there forever and if not forever at least half an hour. She closed her eyes and hoped that half hour or however long she stayed in here would pass slowly.

She just wanted some time to herself, time without the pressures of training or studying or fearing for her life and the lives of those around her. Some quiet time, some peace… She sort of wished he was here though, but not the him in the office. She missed him from the summer, when they'd sat together after that first awkward conversation and he promised to protect her, she missed him from the days after, the weeks after, the him who would hold her close for no reason some times and who told her she was precious, his darling…

The water started to run cold and she frowned, turning it off before she froze. How long had she been sitting there?

She left the shower and wrapped herself in one of the towels, dried her hair with her wand and cleaned her clothes.

Just as she was going to put her shirt on there was a knock at the door.

"Yeah?" she called.

"I was simply checking on you… You've been gone an hour and a half now."

"Oh?" she blinked, surprised. "Well I'm fine." And then she yanked the door open and looked up at him with a slight smile. "See… A-Okay," she seemed to have forgotten that she was only in her underwear though.

He looked her over then threw his gaze back to her face as soon as he realized her state of undress.

"Your clothes?" he asked.

She blinked again then laughed, despite herself and previous feelings. It was pretty funny, and a touch embarrassing. "Right. Forgot about those." She turned and he caught her wrist with a gentle grip.

"Just as well, you've got a bruise on your back. I can put something on it if you'd like."

She hesitated then nodded. "Alright."

He let go and walked away, back into the office where he kept his small supply of various potions. She wandered over to the bed and sat down, shivering a little from the slight draft.

She felt better when he closed the door upon his return and she turned her back to him and smiled over her shoulder. "Thanks for this… And everything else."

"Of course." He replied, pouring some of the potion into his palm. He sat behind her and rubbed it into her skin over and around the bruise, watching as it disappeared into nothing. He searched her quickly for any others and found her clear. Good.

She stretched when he leaned away from her and looked down into her lap. She didn't hurt any more but she was tired.

"Now I just need that nap" she muttered. "Would you… would you mind if I stayed here?"

That would hardly be appropriate but he figured they were past the realm of propriety.

"If you would like" he nodded and was a touch surprised when she crawled up to the top of the bed immediately after and stretched out. She sighed when she buried her face in the pillows and he watched her, eyes trailing up that small brown body slowly. The expanse of chocolate skin was only interrupted by the white of her cotton underwear and he could hardly believe he was seeing this much of her, could hardly believe how comfortable she was this exposed.

He rested a gentle hand on her ankle, wanting to touch her, comfort her maybe, and she giggled. She rolled onto her back and sat up, looking at him.

"Do you remember when I fell asleep on your couch during the summer?"

It was an odd question but he nodded.

"I asked you to nap with me when I woke up that first time but you said no… Will you now?"

"I shouldn't" he told her and she pouted. He rolled his eyes and walked around to the other side of the bed, removing his robes and over shirt as he did so. She felt an inkling of hope when he sat on the edge of the bed and toed off his shoes before crawling in beside her.

Even if he shouldn't, it seemed he would and she smiled.

"I could use some rest as well."

She smiled at him and rolled onto her side so that she could snuggle against him. He wrapped an arm around her in response and they settle atop the sheets.

It was nice, very nice she decided and wished they could stay this way forever. He was warm and solid and he smelled nice. She liked this, she loved this… "I love you" she whispered.

He sat up. "No."

"What?" she blinked.

"No. Don't say that."

"Why not?" she sat up too.

"Just don't."

"But it's true."

"No-"

"Even if it's not how you feel, I still-"

He leaned down and kissed her, silencing her words.

"No" he whispered when he pulled away, eyes closed to hide the obvious pain in them and the fear that was coursing through his body. "You shouldn't. You can't…"

"I do." And she smiled again, sent him a soft smile full of love and adoration, one he could not discredit. He couldn't discredit it but he couldn't accept it either. Bad things happened to the people he loved and to people who loved him. He knew he loved her, knew it at the bottom of his heart, but to admit it, to accept it out loud would be to lose his last defense and hers as well. They would be targets for tragedy.

"Lauren, please…" and he didn't know what to say past that, didn't get to say any more since she leaned up and kissed him.

"I love you" she spoke again, giving him a shy and watery smile.

His chest felt tight, he couldn't speak, but he kissed her again and she wrapped her arms around him. They fell back onto the bed and he lay over her, his body massive in comparison.

She felt so safe under him.

He was the one that broke the kiss, looked down at her with an expression she couldn't quite place.

He brought up a hand and stoked the side of her face gently, rested his forehead against hers.

"May I show you?" he asked in a constricted voice.

She smiled. "Yes, please."

If he couldn't tell her he loved her he could at least show her.

* * *

**Right, so, there it is~ Hope you all liked it. This was probably one of the most serious chapters I ever wrote and I still had fun with it so I think that's a good sign. **

**I'm actually not with a constant source of internet so I won't be able to write a long A/N like I thought. I'll probably come through and edit it later but till then just thought I'd let you know I might be going through and adding just a few edits to the story. It's just a maybe though and if I actually do it I'll tell you all. =3 **

**Also, open ending is open. XD**

**Got questions, comments, or advice? Go on and send a review my way! If not, thanks for reading and have a good day/night/other!**


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